Up the side of the tunnel the van went.
Time seemed to slow.
Poooooooooooooooooooooooooopppppppppp!!!!!!!!
The agony in his shoulders and finger receded into background noise.
The tunnel seemed to rotate in the windshield as the van smoothly barrel rolled up the side. Onto the tunnel roof.
He looked down at the road directly below.
All of his internal organs whimpered and clenched.
The van continued to the opposite wall.
Ran just as smoothly down the other side.
Crunched down to the road. Slewed toward the wall to go for another barrel roll.
Hilario wrapped the rest of his fingers around Queezleyan’s head. Yanked the beast over the seat. Threw it at the passenger footwell.
The beast released his finger. Hilario grabbed the steering wheel.
Yanked the van’s nose away from the tunnel wall.
The van’s suspension groaned and creaked. The body tilted back and forth, threatening to tip on its side.
He fought the wheel. Sweat poured down his face, down his sides.
The van really seemed to want to go up the wall again.
Finally he centered in back on the lane. He took a deep shuddering breath.
Realized his foot was still stomped on the gas pedal. He eased off. The van slowed.
An ogre face dropped in front of the windshield. Nearly made Hilario lose what precious little bladder control he had left.
“No’s! Fasters!” Roger the ogre shouted.
The ogre pointed down the tunnel.
Hilario squinted. What the heck?
“Ices worms!” Roger shouted, “Goes verys verys fastes! No stops!”
The thing rapidly approached. Or maybe he was rapidly approaching it.
Whatever it was, it filled the entire tunnel. Pulsing, grayish blue skin outside a pinkish maw lined with rows and rows and rows of teeth.
Of course. Teeth. Why did everything in the unseen world have such an abundance of teeth?
His knuckles popped as he clenched the wheel.
Roger pounded the roof. “Fasters! Fasters! Goes throughs!”
Sure. Why not?
He mashed the accelerator to the floor. On purpose this time.
The van surged forward.
The ice worm’s tooth studded orifice yawned before them.
The van hit the thing’s lower lip. Bounced into the mouth. Rows and rows of teeth passed as the engine roared beside him.
Bounced into a lumpy pink tunnel. Came to a neck wrenching stop. Slimy, pulsing, pink flesh pressed against the windshield.
Pandemonium erupted behind him. Everyone shouted at once in an incoherent cacophony.
He took his foot off the gas pedal. The engine returned to its normal clatter and rattle.
The moist pink flesh pulsed and throbbed over the windows.
He understood now. He could feel the van moving.
Voices behind him demanded answers. He took his hands off the wheel. Lay them palm down on his lap.
A point of darkness appeared in front of them. Quickly grew larger. The van’s weak headlights revealed a smooth roadway and glittering ice walls.
Moments later the ice worm finished pooping the van out. He glanced at the rearview mirror. Watched it continue its journey down the tunnel.
Roger the ogre popped over the windshield again.
“Thats was funs,” he said, “Whats be nexts?”
46
A truce, of a sorts, was reached.
Odom agreed to not kill anyone currently riding in–or on–the van.
The Sapphire Witch agreed that she would kill everyone in the van later.
Detective Marco agreed that all of them were (expletive deleted) idiots.
It wasn’t much of a truce, but it was the best he could do for the moment. Honestly, he was amazed he could even get that much out of them. Perhaps experiencing the digestive tract of a giant ice worm had a temporary calming effect.
Whatever it was, it bought him a little more time.
He brought the van to a stop at the arching, red and white striped gate blocking the narrow road. They had emerged from the tunnel a short time before. It was like the entire van had exhaled with relief to be out of it.
A ways beyond the candy striped gate was the Eye of Malachi tower.
As well as a strange city around it.
Roger the ogre stuck his head down over the driver’s side window. Hilario rolled it down. Letting in icy air. Air tinged with strange scents.
Well, not strange as in weird scents. Strange as in…freshly baked cookies and peppermint candy canes.
Hilario stomach rumbled. Saliva squirted at the back of his mouth.
Oh dear.
“Oy clowns, thises stranges places,” Roger said, “You’s knows its?”
“Mama mia,” Larry said, “Hilario my-a friend-a…is-a this-a what-a I think-a it-a is-a?”
Slowly, Hilario turned his head to his ghostly friend. Larry’s eyes were wide as saucers. The look of astonishment and wonder on his face…it was like a kid on…
“No,” Hilario said, “It can’t be.”
Marco shoved his blocky face between the seats. “Holy fuck, you gotta be kidding me,” he said.
He had the same wide-eyed look of astonishment as Larry.
Hilario swiveled the driver’s seat around. Fixed a hard gaze on the Sapphire Witch.
Who sat on the stool in front of the makeup cabinet, arms crossed over her chest. The look on her face contained neither wonder or astonishment. Under her expression of simmering rage, she looked a bit disheveled. Her mane of dark hair slightly mussed. Her long, black leather coat scuffed in places. She had a red scrape on her right cheek. The knuckles on her left hand were red and a bit swollen.
“I’ve been around a lot of the unseen world,” Hilario said, “But I’ve never been to the Ice Realm. Before now.”
The glowing blue lenses of her brass rimmed goggles saved him from experiencing the full wrath of her return glare.
“I know whatever is out there isn’t quite what it seems. Is it?” he said.
Of course it wasn’t. This was the unseen world. Unless the something was chasing you with a mouthful of razor sharp teeth, things were seldom exactly what they seemed.
Especially things that seemed like they might be nice.
The Sapphire Witch’s
