My mother always told me he replaced us, but until now I believed he replaced her, not both of us. Seeing proof she was right, and he replaced me with Lauren, only increases the hurt.
If this wasn’t what was best for Whisky, I’d pack my bags and never look back. There’s only so many punches to the core you can endure before you break.
I slowly get out of the chair, hoping the pain of the movement will mask the heartache. My smile only falters for a second before I hold out my good hand for her to shake. “Nice to meet you, Lauren.”
“Lauren owns the bakery in town. She opened it when she was only eighteen,” Kade chimes in, obviously proud of her accomplishments. “Without any help.” I don’t miss the emphasis on the word ‘without,’ knowing exactly the blow he intended to deliver, and my eyes jerk to him and my hand drops to my side.
I’m not sure how to read the expression on his face, whether is hatred or condescension, but I don’t have trouble reading his dislike for me. I hold his gaze for a minute, not knowing what to say to this man who hates me for no apparent reason, completely missing the reprimanding and shocked looks the other three people in the room send Kade.
I decide to say nothing to him, all that comes to mind would only escalate the situation. Instead, I look at Lauren and try to smile, not missing the fact that no one jumped to my defense. “Congrats. That couldn’t have been easy.”
Her eyes connect with mine, and all I see directed toward me is kindness, but I don’t trust it. Wary, I wait for her to say something equally as insulting as her boyfriend. “Thank you. Despite what Kade said, I couldn’t have done it without Wayne and Lizzie’s help while this one”—she caresses Kade’s arm in a familiar manner while a loving smile pulls at the corners of her mouth—“left me to go to college.”
“True, but I came back to you, didn’t I?” Kade says, pulling her into his side and kissing her temple. I avert my eyes once more at seeing the loving relationship they share.
The tension increases when no one says anything for what feels like forever. It’s only broken by the oven timer going off, letting us know dinner is ready, and breaking the awkwardness.
“Well,” Lizzie breaks the silence. “Let’s go eat. I’m sure y’all are starving.”
They all move toward the dining area next to the kitchen and opposite the living room overlooking the valley and mountains to the right. I bend down to grab my pills and the glass of water, creating distance on purpose, not in the mood for mindless small talk or more insults. It’ll also give me the opportunity to sit as far away from Kade as possible.
“Are you okay?” my father’s gruff voice asks from next to me while he places a rough yet gentle hand on my arm.
The hurt he unwittingly inflicted earlier is still battling inside of me, and I have to fight not to flinch or shrug off his touch. Instead I pull out the fake smile I’ve perfected over the years. “I’m as fine as I can be in my current situation.” My voice is pleasant enough, but it’s not me. It’s the me who comes out whenever I’m with my mother in polite society. It’s the me I hate. The fake, shallow society princess who doesn’t care and is made out of Teflon; nothing can touch her. The one they accuse me of being all the time. I hate that I need her in the one place I always considered home, with the one person I thought I could always be myself with. The lonely girl inside of me slowly crumbles, losing the last ray of hope she clung’s to over the years right before her eyes.
Deep down, I thought coming here could be a fresh start with my father, that we could reconnect. Instead it seems to have turned into an opportunity for closure. Maybe after this I can finally move on with my life. Stop chasing after anyone’s love and instead learn to love myself despite everything, just like my therapist keeps telling me.
I guess we humans have this deep-rooted need to be accepted by others, but sometimes we need to learn to stand alone and be what we thought we need others to be for us, strong, and love ourselves for who we are. I just wish it didn’t take my own family breaking me to finally realize what my therapist meant by that.
I move toward the dining table, dislodging his hand. I can hear his sigh behind me but ignore it. I’ve only been here one day, and I already regret asking him for help.
When I make it to the table, everyone else is already seated. I choose the seat farthest away from Kade, and incidentally Wayne, which seats me next to Lizzie and opposite Lauren with my father at the head of the table between Lizzie and Kade. I breathe a sigh of relief, thinking I could get this over with without any more poorly veiled insults thrown my way.
Lizzie is chatting animatedly while dishing out the salad and lasagna we prepared. Something I enjoyed doing more than I thought, and I realize despite everything, I like Lizzie. She’s kind and welcoming when she didn’t have
