It also reminds me I’ll never fit in with these people and the sooner I can leave the better.
The four of them are chatting around me while I push my food around the plate more than I eat it.
“So, how’s Whisky, Montana?” Hearing my name has me look up and pay attention to Lauren, who voiced the question. “I heard he’s hurt as well.” Her smile is genuine, and she seems truly interested.
As I look at her, Dakota’s words from earlier pop into my head. You could let them see the real you.
I might not change their minds, but I’m also tired of pretending to be someone I’m not; I’m exhausted. I don’t even try to bring out the fake me.
“He’s fine. Cranky as ever,” I tell her. “I’m sure he’ll be healthy in no time.”
“That’s good. Between Kade and Wayne he’ll be in good hands while you recuperate.” Her smile hasn’t lost any of its kindness, showing she’s genuine. Which makes me wonder why she’s with someone like Kade, who’s clearly a jerk.
“Yeah, he doesn’t like people, so I’m glad he seems to remember Wayne and lets him near him.”
I’m looking at my plate, knowing if I look at them I might lose it and let all the ugly inside of me out.
“Well, he tolerates me. He doesn’t trust any of us, that’s for sure,” Wayne chimes in.
A small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth thinking about my ornery horse. “Don’t take it personally, he doesn’t like anyone.”
“Did something ever happen to him to make him this distrustful?” Kade throws in.
I don’t have to wonder what he’s implying. I lift my gaze to his, fury rising at his audacity, my voice is trembling with my efforts to try and control it. “If you’re asking if I or anyone else associated with me has ever abused him—”
“Montana, I’m sure that’s not—” Lauren interrupts, but I’m done with his attitude.
I raise my hand, halting her words. “I know you’re only standing up for your boyfriend, but that’s exactly what he’s implying.” I keep my eyes on Kade, getting more infuriated by the second at his smirk.
“I’m only going to say this once,” I speak, enunciating each word slowly. “I have never given Whisky a reason to be scared of me or anyone else, which you’d know if you have paid any attention whatsoever. If he doesn’t like you it’s probably because he can tell you’re a gossip who makes snap judgments about people without knowing them or their story. It’s a reflection of you, not me.” Having lost the little appetite I had, I get up from the table.
“Montana, honey—” This time it’s Lizzie trying to interrupt, but I’m done being someone else’s punching bag.
“I don’t care how well-respected you are, I want you to stay away from my horse. I’ll find a vet who can handle him without talking shit about me behind my back.”
The smirk on his face vanishes at my words, clearly not happy with me essentially firing him.
Not caring if I hurt his pride, I look at Lauren, who I notice with some surprise is aiming a look of anger toward Kade as well. “It was lovely to meet you, Lauren.” I catch Lizzie and my father’s eyes next. “I’m sorry. Thank you for dinner, but it seems I’ve lost my appetite. Good night.”
“Mon,” I hear my father call after me, but I ignore him. I don’t have the energy.
The last thing I hear before I reach the stairs is my father’s outraged voice, “What the fuck, Kade?”
A small smile forms hearing him defend me, even if it’s too little too late.
I walk down the hall, wondering what happened to make Kade hate me this much. I don’t understand how my actions from seven years ago would have such an impact on him. It’s not like he knows Adam, the not-so-little-boy-anymore who my mother hit in that drunk driving accident.
I spent the last seven years making amends with Adam and his mother, Hanna, despite not being responsible, something they knew, and have forgiven me for. To this day Hanna wants me to set the record straight, mentioning it every time I see her, which is often. When Adam was a child, I spent the Saturdays I was in town at his peewee or little league games. And now that he’s fifteen, I spend my Friday nights at his high school football games, cheering him on from the bleachers standing next to his family. It’s sad when someone else’s family is more accepting of me than my own.
I shouldn’t be surprised most people don’t bother to look past the surface, but it still hurts when they don’t.
With Adam and Hanna on my mind, I grab my phone and shoot Adam a message, asking how his game went today. I try to reach out every week I’m travelling and can’t make the games before or after his games to let him know I’m thinking of him, even if I can’t be there in person.
His reply reminds me there are people in my life who like me for me, who care about me. It doesn’t erase what just happened.
In my room, I don’t bother turning on the lights, preferring the soft light of the stars and moon to illuminate my room.
I sit in the chair by the window, looking out at the mountains surrounding us, trying to draw a sense of calm and peace from their presence. At some point during the evening, snow has started to fall. I forgot just how much it snows in these parts of the country and how much I love and miss it.
I don’t move for a long time, staring out into the vast landscape and letting
