I run my hand through my hair, trying to get my heavy breathing under control, before I look Dad straight in the eye and deliver the rest of my dignity at his feet. Letting everyone see the vulnerable and scared girl inside of me.
“Fourteen years, Dad, you ignored me for fourteen fucking years, wiped me from your memory, until I called you five weeks ago because I had no other choice. So, don’t stand there and pretend you thought even for one second to come for me, or that you regretted letting me leave in the first place.”
An eerie silence settles over the room and every person standing in it. The nurses and other residents of the place I haven’t previously noticed, stand frozen staring at us. When I move my gaze to Lizzie and Kade, staring at me with surprise and understanding, I realize what just happened.
What I did.
My breath stalls in my throat and every fiber of my being freezes. My brain and body at war with each other as to what to do now. My head wants to finally deal with all of this, knowing it’s slowly killing me on the inside, while my body is ready to run as fast and far as possible to not have to deal with the Pandora’s box I just opened.
My father doesn’t say anything, every second of silence that’s ticking by feeling like an eternity. Until he starts moving toward me, taking long strides to close the distance, and before I can move one way or another, he pulls me into his chest, squeezing me tightly.
I don’t move, my arms at my sides balled into fists. My breathing ragged, every emotion you can imagine battling inside of me.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he suddenly whispers into my ear. His voice guttural like he’s being physically torn up inside. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know. I tried to call every day that first year, but Veronika always said you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“What?” I flinch in his arm when the words register. My nails dig into the flesh of my palms.
His arms hug me tighter, like he’s trying to shield me from the hurt he’s about to inflict. “I’ve been trying for years to get in touch with you. But every time I called, Veronika told me to stop calling, that you didn’t want to talk to me or see me. That you hated me because she and I divorced. I didn’t believe her, so I sent letters only for them to be returned unopened and your mother telling me to stop. I didn’t, until I received a letter from you telling me to leave you alone. I think that was on your sixteenth birthday. I stopped after that.”
When I hear his words, realizing what my mother did, the person who should love me unconditionally, every little bit of strength I have left seeps out of my body. If not for his arms around me I would have collapsed. Without conscious thought I lift my arms and grab hold of his shirt, hanging on for all I’m worth.
“I didn’t,” I whisper. “Send that letter I mean.” And I didn’t. I didn’t even know he called or sent letters in the first place.
“I know that now. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what Veronika was doing. We lost so much time.”
“She’s evil.”
“Montana—” His tone is disapproving. Why he’d still stand up for her I don’t know, but he doesn’t know. He can’t possibly know all the damage she’s inflicted.
“She is,” I insist. “You don’t know what she’s like.”
“I know, but she’s still your moth—”
“Fuck that,” I say with force, straighten my spine, and step back so I can look at him. “She nearly ruined my life when she moved me in that car when I was seventeen, Dad. I ended up in front of a judge over something I didn’t do. I got lucky I only ended up with community service, mainly because Hanna saw what happened and didn’t press to have me put in jail. I thank my lucky stars every day Adam survived, and I get to watch him grow up, laugh, and play football.” With my hands on my hips I make sure my point is coming across. “A mother doesn’t do any of this. Not to her own kid. She stopped being my mother that day.”
“Like I stopped being your dad when you left?”
His words catch me off guard, and I’m not sure how to answer. “I…”
When no one says anything, it’s Kade who says what we’re all thinking. “That’s why you never called him Dad until today.”
I move my gaze to the floor, unable to meet my father’s eyes. “Yeah… I didn’t think he’d want me to call him that.”
Dad frames my face with both his hands. “I’ve been waiting for you to call me that since you phoned me from the hospital.” A smile is slowly spreading across his face as I watch his sincerity. “I knew my little girl was still in there somewhere. I couldn’t be happier to have her back.”
As soon as his words register, a feeling of comfort and love is spreading through my body. It’s something I haven’t felt since I was ten years old. But old insecurities die hard, so I need to
