I surprised myself and Elliot when I kissed his neck. I felt a shudder run through him.
“I’m struggling with a lot on my mind right now that I need to figure out for myself. I won’t lie to you, part of me is conflicted about trusting you after everything you’ve just told me, and since I can’t trust my memory, I have to go with the only thing I have left – and that’s my gut. I truly believe that I need you by my side as I go through this.”
I felt Elliot relax completely, and he began to sway us from side to side, lulling me further into the arms of an exhaustion that was desperate to claim me in its embrace. On the brink of sleep, I flicked through my memories of the day. I felt like a rag doll being pulled in a hundred different directions, and even though part of me couldn’t completely trust Elliot – or my parents – I had to believe that what they were doing by keeping things from me was for my health.
If I believed anything else, my head would split in two.
Learning about my past should have given me perspective to help me figure out my future, but I would have been lying if I said relearning the things I had forgotten was easy. It was trying, heavy, and more than I could handle at times. I needed Elliot, and my parents, to help shoulder the weight.
I prayed that this would be the biggest hurdle I would face – because if it wasn’t, I knew that my weakened body, and fragile mind, wouldn’t be able to take it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NOAH
It wasn’t uncommon for me to wake up in the middle of the night, but it was when I had been given morphine for pain. Normally, my mind was so foggy on it that I was in a constant state of droopiness for well over twelve hours. My body had never taken all that well to morphine, and I didn’t think it ever would.
I felt a touch on my wrist and I instantly thought of Elliot. But when I opened my eyes, Elliot was not the person I was looking at. Staring back at me were eyes like black dahlias.
“Hey, baby. I didn’t think you’d be awake. I missed you . . . I just wanted to see you.”
I found myself smiling as I pulled myself into awareness.
“Hi, Anderson.” I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
It was only two days since I’d seen him last, but two days in a hospital felt like two weeks. I pushed myself into an upright position and stretched. A glance towards the window of my room showed it was pitch black outside. It was the middle of the night, and my body knew it because I was exhausted.
“I told you that I’d come back and see you.”
“I know.” I yawned. “Time passes by so slowly in here. Hours feel like days. How are you?”
I looked at him and was surprised by what I saw. He looked like an entirely different person. His dark circles were gone and so was his scruff, and his tired eyes were no more. His hair was styled, and his clothing was fresh.
“I’m better,” he answered, drawing my attention back to his face. “How are you?”
“You look better.” I smiled. “I’m doing good, slowly getting there. My memories still haven’t returned, and at this point I’m wondering if they ever will. It’s frustrating.”
“It’s frustrating for me, so I can only imagine what it’s like for you,” Anderson said as he reached over and took hold of my wrist. He pressed his fingers against my skin – and when I smiled at him, he returned it.
It struck me as odd that I realised in that moment how attractive he was. I couldn’t help but compare him to Elliot. Elliot’s very essence screamed masculinity, and while Anderson was very much a man, he appeared to be much more tame than wild. I still felt dominance radiating from him though, which I found odd. I’d never liked men who were the “me Tarzan, you Jane” type, but maybe I’d changed my mind . . . or maybe Anderson had changed it for me.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him, hoping he would hear the sincerity in my voice. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorry about this whole situation. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I wish I could remember something about you, about our time together, to give me something to go off – but it’s all blank.”
“Don’t worry, baby.” His hand on my wrist tightened ever so slightly. “We have all the time in the world for you to get to know me again.”
He wasn’t wrong, but I knew that wasn’t something I wanted to explore. I was wholeheartedly in love with Elliot, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were . . . but a part of me also felt responsible for Anderson. I suddenly wished he had never come to visit me. Things were easier to dissect and think about when I wasn’t face-to-face with him. It was simpler to imagine getting on with my life without him in it when I didn’t have to speak to him or see him.
It felt less personal, less like he was a real person.
“Have you spoken to Doctor Abara?” I quizzed.
“Yes,” Anderson said, leaning back in his chair but never taking his hand off my wrist. “I speak to him every evening; he’s kind enough to give me updates on you. Most recently was on the phone earlier tonight. He told me you had an . . . episode.”
I tried to keep my expression neutral, but I couldn’t control the pounding of my heart. I knew Anderson could feel the change in pace of my pulse; his fingers were rested right on my wrist. He looked at my wrist, then
