Then, and only then, can I be the person I’m meant to be.
And maybe with the person I’m meant to be with.
Chapter Twenty
Mack
I hate this. I hate being in my house because suddenly it feels cold and lifeless. Even when I do everything in my power to focus on Oliver and his needs, it’s incomplete. Sure, I’m one-hundred-percent vested in his care, but it’s like I’m hollow inside. In fact, it’s Oliver that actually keeps me moving forward, getting up and making sure he’s taken care of.
There’s a race on Saturday night. We’re off to Long Beach, and I’m not that excited for the trip. Sure, it’s a shorter one, but that also means we’re in the motorhome. Alison has been great, caring for Oliver while I’m at work, but I’m not really looking forward to the short trip with her at my side.
When I get home Thursday, Alison is standing in my kitchen, removing something that smells good from an Instant Pot. “Hey,” I greet politely as I step through the back door.
“Welcome home,” she beams, offering me a warm smile. “I hope you don’t mind, I brought my Instant Pot over and decided to cook you a meal. You’ve worked long hours all week, it’s the least I could do.”
I glance in the living room and find Oliver sound asleep in his swing. “You didn’t have to do that,” I tell her, offering a cordial grin.
“Pfft, of course I did! Pizza and Chinese delivery every night must be getting old,” she teases.
Alison isn’t my housekeeper, but I’m sure she hasn’t missed the empty cartons and boxes in the trash every morning when she arrives. “Well, thanks. You didn’t have to do that, but I do appreciate it. It smells amazing,” I tell her, my stomach growling.
“Pork ribs and baked potatoes,” she says brightly, setting a platter of food in the middle of the table. There’s a single place setting in the spot Lena used to occupy, but I don’t say anything. Alison didn’t know.
“Thank you.”
“Well, I’m going to get out of your hair. Oliver ate at four, so he should be good for a little bit. He’s only been asleep for about thirty minutes or so,” she says, grabbing her purse.
Guilt slides down my spine as I look at the delicious food she made for me. “Do you…would you like to join me? There’s plenty here,” I insist, even though I’d much rather eat alone. My parents didn’t instill much of anything in me, but I’ve picked up enough manners to know I should at least invite her to stay.
“Oh,” she replies, seeming surprised. “Umm, sure. If you don’t mind?” Her face is uncertain, and I know she’d leave if I changed my mind.
“No, please eat.”
She grabs a plate and fork and slides into the chair opposite me. “Did you have a good day?” she asks, helping herself to a baked potato.
“Not bad. Team workout and meeting this morning and some track time this afternoon.”
“I’ve never been a fan of racing,” she admits, apologetically.
I can’t help but chuckle. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be to do your job, right? You’re here for Oliver.” I don’t know why exactly I said that, but I don’t regret the words.
She nods. “Right.” Her face softens into a smile. “He’s such a good boy.”
I take in her professional appearance, her light makeup, and her pretty smile. She’s definitely a good-looking woman. Maybe in another time I would have jumped all over her, but the thought makes the few bites I’ve taken turn in my stomach. There’s only one woman for me, and Alison isn’t her.
“Can I ask you something?” she asks hesitantly.
I take a bite of my ribs. They’re seasoned to perfection. “Sure.”
“Lena mentioned in our interview about Oliver’s mom. She said she wasn’t in the picture anymore.” The statement is almost open-ended, like she’s leaving the door open for me to jump in.
I clear my throat and take a drink of water. “We weren’t together when Oliver was born, and then Renee passed away when he was about a month old.”
“Oh, wow, I’m so sorry. Even if you weren’t together, that must have been tough.”
“It wasn’t easy.” I recall those early days when I was learning how to care for a small baby, and how much Lena was involved in helping.
It’s silent for several long seconds before I feel her eyes on me. My breath catches in my throat as she asks, “And Lena?”
I focus on my plate and take a large gulp of water. The hollow hole where my heart usually beats aches as she says her name. I have no idea how to answer, nor do I really want to discuss Lena with Alison. She’s here for my son, period. “Is off-limits,” I finally reply. There’s a touch of bite in my tone, but I don’t apologize for it.
“Understood,” she replies quickly, concentrating on eating her food.
We eat in uncomfortable silence, and the moment my food is gone, I get up to start filling the dishwasher with dirty dishes. I can hear Alison moving about the kitchen, but I keep my attention in front of me. “You can leave the mess. I’ll get it cleaned up,” I offer.
“Yeah, I have somewhere to go. I can clean the Instant Pot tomorrow morning before we leave.”
“I’ll do it,” I tell her before turning around to face her. “See you in the morning?”
She gives me a warm grin. “I’ll be ready to go by seven.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, Mack,” she hollers before grabbing her purse and heading out the door.
I stand in the kitchen, listening as her car starts and drives away. Exhaling, I rest my palms on the counter and suck in a deep, cleansing breath. I have to get my head on straight before I go to Long Beach or Coop is liable to take me out of the car.
