“Um excuse me.” I point to myself. “There have been hurdles even now. Thank God you only have to deal with one kid having one major meltdown at a time.”
Now I can joke about it with the people I love.
A few months ago, I never thought I’d be here. If it hadn’t been for Dalton’s love and Dad’s need to fix everything, I wouldn’t be here. It’s a good reminder to have sometimes. Especially when I think everything is going perfectly.
“You two were good kids.” She pats me on the back. “I always said if I got you two through high school without becoming a grandmother it was a job well done.”
“Then you accomplished what you set out for.”
“Yeah,” she says, a faraway look in her eyes. “But I also wonder about the stuff I didn’t accomplish.”
“What do you mean?” I push, wondering if she has the same type of regrets I do when it comes to my child.
“Everything that’s happened with you the past few months has brought forth a lot of feelings for me too,” Mom rushes ahead. “Please don’t take that to mean I’m making your trauma about me, I promise that’s not what I’m doing.”
“I would never think that’s what you’re doing.”
“Good, this is completely all about you, and I understand it, but at the same time, I have to take responsibility for what I did.”
“You didn’t do anything,” I argue.
“But I did. I expected two thirteen-year-old kids to take care of themselves. I expected you two to understand what was happening, even when I didn’t understand it myself. I leaned hard on the two of you, telling you about issues I had no business laying at your feet.” She doesn’t stop now that she’s started. “For longer than I meant to, I treated you and Drew like equals. Yeah there were things I tried to keep from you both, and sometimes I succeeded. Other times I didn’t even try because I was so damn tired of living the life we were living.” She stops for a second.
“Mom, the life we were living was exhausting. Who I am now, the life you’ve given me, it’s showed me how exhausting our childhood must have been for you.”
“But it was my job to keep all of that from you, and I failed miserably.”
There are so many things I want to say, but she’s not done yet.
“And I’m beginning to understand, thanks to Liam, that both of you felt abandoned. I want you to know…” She wipes under her eyes. “That was never my intention. You were always wanted and loved by me, but I refused to subject you to the man who helped make you. He didn’t want you, and I’m sorry that’s caused issues now. Back then and now, it didn’t feel right to force anything on any of you. Liam was more than willing to take the spot you and Drew so desperately needed, and I let him.”
“I’m glad you let him, we’re blessed to have him in our lives, and I don’t know where we’d be without him.” I hug her tightly. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too,” she whispers in my ear.
As we break apart, I hear the roar of motorcycles coming up the drive, and I’m thankful for each and every thing I have in my life.
More thankful than anything I decided to get out here and truly live it.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Dalton
“Did you hear the news this morning?” Drew asks as he comes into the shop, sipping on his mug of coffee.
“News really wasn’t what was on my mind this morning.”
“Judging by that goddamn hickey on your neck, I can just imagine what you were busy with,” he grumbles.
“Don’t hate, he’ll start sleeping through the night again.”
“Not soon enough for me,” he takes a healthy drink of the coffee this time. “I don’t understand how one baby can be so much more work than two were.”
“Would you like me to cry you a river, or are you going to tell me what news I missed?”
He gives me an annoyed look, but I’m having way too good a morning to pay any attention to it. “They pulled a body outta Barren River last night.”
Now I’m paying attention. “Oh really? Anyone we know?”
“Judging by the info they’ve released so far, it’s Owen. We’ll confirm with our source at the medical examiner’s office, but at least we know for sure what happened to him.”
There’s another piece of that puzzle we haven’t taken care of yet, Laura. “What about Laura? We’ve been letting her hang out at CRISIS, but let’s be honest – she was in on the plan to steal money from Wet Wanda’s. We can’t keep her up, can we?”
“No,” Drew agrees. “I’m gonna send Dakota over to let her know we no longer require her services, and she needs to get gone.”
The name reminds me of something I wanted to fill the first in command on. “Speaking of Dakota. He’s doing really good here. I think he’ll fit in well with the guys once he lets his guard down. Letting him prospect and work at the shop is a good decision.”
“Yeah I think so too. It’s nice to know that the legacy of Heaven Hill will continue after we’re gone, right?”
“Why are you being so philosophical today?”
“Just fuckin’ tired, and I think we can all be honest, this year has been hard. It’s been emotionally draining and fucking hard. I’ll be glad to see the ass-end of it.”
I laugh. “Well you’ve got months to go on that one, my brother.”
“Don’t remind me. So…” He sets his coffee down, going over the schedule for the day. “How are things going with my sister?”
I smile, thinking about how she woke me up this morning. Gone is the uneasiness between us, and Walker. As a family we’re thriving and moving forward. For the first time in years we’re making plans and smiling
