I pressed the button to unlock my car and walked towards it. “I think you might have a point. Come over before I leave, yeah?”
“If I have time. I have a date tomorrow. But you’ll get details on that later,” Alice told me. We each reversed out in our separate cars and headed out the same direction until I turned down onto Mulholland and enjoyed the rolling hills with their killer views all the way home.
I got a friendly reminder e-mail from the shirts at the GTA after I officially registered for the Madrid Open. I silently told them to go screw themselves and finished packing for my trip home.
Toni stayed in touch; I had to give her that much credit. But by the time I landed in Stockholm, it all felt a little too strained. I decided to let her off the hook, as much as it pained me to type every word.
Going to sea with my dad for a few days, will be out of contact. Kick butt in Colombia, see you in Madrid x
Of course, she didn’t reply all that quickly, but when she did it was about the best reply I could have hoped for, considering.
I really miss you Elin
What else could I tell her but the truth?
I miss you too
I left it at that, because there was no way to change what was happening over the next few weeks anyway. It would give me time and space to work out what to do about the drug testing problem and also check in on my parents and how their divorce was progressing. My mother had told me very little beyond checking I was sticking to my non-competition training schedule.
Spring in Sweden was a bracing slap in the face after months in tropical climates. I came out of the gate at Arlanda to find my father waiting for me, bundled up in a sensible coat and carrying one for me. He knew by now I was never quite adjusted enough, and I pulled it on gladly as we walked to the car.
“I’m glad you came, äskling.”
“Me too, Pappa. Hey, did you ever speak to Alice about why she doesn’t like to come home?”
He nodded. “It’s not a problem, as long as we’re fit enough to travel. One day when we’re not, she agreed we’ll talk about it then.”
“I didn’t know,” I replied. “Am I a bad person? A bad sister to not realise?”
“No, no. Alice is happy, her life is good. She doesn’t dwell on the little things that might still bring her down. And honey, you’re busy. Now, do you want to choose the radio station?”
I reached out to press the buttons and scan for something, but my father playfully knocked my hand away. “Remember, Elin. If you want to pick the music, you have to be driving the car.”
I groaned. Some things really didn’t change.
After one of my gym sessions the following week, we met up at the Kulturhuset, the cinema and arts centre that I used to hang around in the little free time I had as a teenager. My dad had it in mind to see some German movie that he’d heard about, and I was in the mood to humour him since my mother had gone to some coaches’ retreat in Spain. I tried not to think about how much closer that probably put her to Toni now that she’d be done with her South American tournament. It was going to be the best part of a month before I would seeing her again.
“Now Elin, I made sure they have subtitles since I know your German is terrible these days.”
“I can follow along,” I said, lying only a little. “Actually, could we just grab coffee for now? Maybe catch a later showing?” The glass-walled building made a busy but pleasant spot to sit and watch the world go by. I didn’t get to do that very often.
He still guided me through crowds with a protective hand at my back. When I’d first started playing in front of big crowds, he’d been my unofficial bodyguard. What I liked most about being back here was how little anyone cared about celebrity, that even when they recognised me they almost never reacted. It was as close to anonymity as I got, and I felt so much better for it.
We found a table for two with a view out over the square and the bustle of the cafe behind us.
“Your mother tells me you have a new woman on the scene,” he began, stirring his hot chocolate. “Do I know her?”
“You and Mamma still talk?”
“We’re getting divorced, not going to war. We talk. The house is going to sell, it’s fine.”
I sipped my coffee. “Well, as long as you still gossip about us kids, I suppose it’s okay. You don’t know Toni, but you’d like her. Assuming she is still dating me. I guess we’ll find out in Madrid.” The texts had tapered out again, and I was feeling sorry for myself.
“You know, I have instructions to tell you that retirement is not so fun. That you’ll miss your world when you leave it, that you won’t know what to do with your days.”
I couldn’t help but smile. My mother really did work every angle.
“I think the time’s coming,” I said. “Not quite yet, but the next injury, the next bad run… I don’t see me coming back from that. Which is fine; I have plans. But I got it into my head, thinking about a family of my own…”
My father’s face lit up. Great, I’d just started the “when do I get grandchildren” countdown. Rookie mistake.
“Anyway, I probably scared Toni off by thinking out loud.”
“If she’s meant to be, she won’t scare so easily,” my father said. “And you retire when you’re ready. There’s always a space for you on the boat.”
“Oh great, that fixes
