Riding in the truck with Charlie gave me time to think and reflect. I wanted to live to see my son grow into a man. I wanted to give him the world. I gave him the best mother. I wanted him to have an inner peace that I missed out on as a child.
There was so much secrecy surrounding this.
“Are you sure you want to do this sir?”
I sucked up all the air that occupied the back seat. “I don’t want to do it. I need to do it.”
“Hope it goes the way you want it to go.”
“I don’t have any expectations. It will probably be a shit-show.”
“I got your back no matter what.”
“Thanks,” His words were legit comforting.
I didn’t know if prayer was the right way to go into this. I had a temper and I promised I would keep my composure.
When we pulled on to the property I didn’t have a bad feeling. There was something in the night air that invigorated me. There was something inside me that shook my nerves to a place of tranquility. It was on. It was time.
“Okay, sir. Let’s do this.”
Charlie shut the ignition off. He stepped out and I knew he was going to come around to open my door. I got out the back seat before he could make it around to me. There was no one out here. There was no need for to dog and pony show I had to put on for the public. I wasn’t in danger. I wasn’t helpless.
There was a calmness that came over me. Life was so precious and fleeting. That was one of the many lessons I learned after the birth of my son. In a heartbeat, I would give my life for him. I would take a life for him. Loving someone like that was scary.
Charlie looked at me for confirmation that I was going to go through with this confrontation. I was here and it was about to go down. I was going to square off and hope for a suitable outcome.
A few feet away from the truck was a plain white van. A corrections officer was sitting in the driver’s side. He couldn’t see my face and I couldn’t see his either. My contact person was standing by the door of the abandoned farmhouse.
I greeted her with a handshake.
“I wasn’t sure you were coming.”
“I wasn’t I was coming either.”
“The place has been swept. You have complete and total privacy.
I walked into the abandoned farmhouse. At the far end I saw him sitting there at a lone table. I slowly moved toward him. I took the vacant chair across the table. I started at him. He didn’t look like his photos. He was older, grayer, thinner.
“Jagger.” The way he said my name enraged me but I was determined to be on my best behavior. “I haven’t seen you since you were a little lad.”
I exhaled. “I appreciate you letting me come to see you.” I said.
“Your aunt Linda wrote me a letter. She said I owed her one. I’m in here. I owe a lot of people.”
“I guess I should just get right down to it.” I sighed heavily.
“All right.”
“Why did you kill my mum? I warn you. It would be best to be bloody honest with me. I’m not a kid anymore. I came for the truth. I can take the truth.”
“The truth?”
“Yes, I want the truth. Were you having an affair with my mum?”
“No, no, I wasn’t. Vicky would never, your mum would never be a cheater. Some of those papers made up that ridiculous story but it was all lies.”
“Why were you there, in our house?”
“I was there for the money.”
“Money?”
“Yea, I had burned my bridges with anyone I knew, my friends, my family. But Vicky was always nice to me. She was an angel. I was an addict. Not a regular recreational addict. I was strung out bad.”
“What drug?”
“My drug of choice was heroin and I would do anything for it. I started out fairly handsome and I sold my body for drugs. I’m not proud of it but I was a looker. After a few years, my looks were gone and I started stealing to feed my habit.”
“Why did you come to my mum?”
“I dated Vicky off and on in high school and a bit after. She was always nice to me. I went to her place for money. I thought no one was home. I knew you were on that kid’s show with the dinosaurs. You were the star. I knew you had to make a lot of money. I went there to steal a few pounds to get high. I didn’t think anybody would be home. There were no cars in the car park. I didn’t go there to hurt anyone—”
“But you had a gun.”
“I did. I stole it from a bloke in Newham. I needed it for my safety. I was homeless, sleeping on the streets. I’m not making excuses.”
“It sure sounds that way. Why did she have to die?”
“Your mum must’ve have been upstairs having a kip. I didn’t know and when she came down she startled me and the gun went off. It was dark in the house. I was so paranoid. The drugs made me paranoid. I turned to this figure and I pulled the trigger without even thinking. I got closer and saw it was Vicky.”
“Did she die instantly?” He looked away from me. “You were the last person to see my mum alive. Did she die instantly?
“Jagger, she, she was alive. She was gurgling on her own blood.”
“And you left her there to die alone?”
“No, I couldn’t leave her. I used to love your mum. She was
