It’s nothing I would have ever expected from her. Berlin, to me, seems larger than life. Determined. Strong. Indomitable. I’ve always thought it was one of her most attractive qualities.
But seeing her now is like seeing a shadow of the woman I know – the woman I’m coming to care for a great deal.
“I know, and I wouldn’t ask if this wasn’t an emergency,” she goes on. “I just need a little more time. Please.”
She spins around, and her eyes immediately grow wider than dinner plates when she sees me. She starts stammering to whoever she’s speaking with, seeming to lose her train of thought. She tears her eyes away from me and gives her head a shake as she tries to focus on her phone call again, but not before I saw the stark fear in her eyes.
It’s not fear of me, and it wasn’t the expression of somebody who was startled. No, it had nothing to do with me – it was fear of something else. She looks like a woman who sees something terrible bearing down on her and feels powerless to do anything about it.
“I’ll – I’m going to have to call you back,” she snaps, quickly disconnecting the call.
Berlin drops her phone onto her desk and puts her hands on her hips, an expression of extreme irritation on her face.
“Haven’t you heard of knocking?” she growls.
“Door was open already,” I protest. “And before you yell at me for not calling, I tried. A couple of times actually. But I think you already knew that.”
“So you thought you’d just invade my office – again?”
“It seemed like the only way I was going to get to talk to you,” I say evenly. “Unless your plan really was to ghost me?”
Berlin lets out a long sigh and grumbles something under her breath to herself. She drops down into her seat and waves vaguely in my direction – which I guess is her invitation for me to sit down. Grinning at her, I walk in and take a seat in one of the chairs across from her. We stare at each other for a long moment, and I can feel the tension crackling in the air. But I get the impression that whatever is bothering her has nothing to do with me – but who she was talking to on the phone.
“I’m sorry,” she begins. “I wasn’t intending to ghost you, Sawyer. It’s just – things have been really hectic lately.”
As I look more closely at her, I can see the strain around her eyes. She looks like she hasn’t been sleeping much. Like she’s completely stressed out. Whatever’s going on in her world is obviously not good.
“What’s going on, Berlin?”
She won’t meet my eyes and fidgets with the papers on her desk. She looks for all the world like she’d rather be anywhere but right here – or that I was. In the past, with other women, I might have just glossed over it. I might have not been interested in what’s going on and what has them upset. But with Berlin, I find that I want to know. I want her to talk to me. And what’s more, that I want to do whatever I can to make it better for her. I want to help ease whatever burden she’s carrying.
“Talk to me,” I press her. “Let me help. At the very least, let me listen.”
She purses her lips but stops fidgeting. A moment later, she looks up, and a small grin tugs at the corner of her mouth.
“I’m not going to get rid of you until I talk, am I?” she asks.
“No, probably not.”
I give her a grin, but her smile in return is weak. Tired. I sit back in the chair, folding one leg over the other, and clasp my hands together. As I sit there, I wonder if this has anything to do with her dad, and I immediately start trying to think of ways I can help. But I get the feeling that’s a subject that isn’t going to come up in normal conversation. Berlin is a prideful woman, and I just have a feeling that unless I bring it up, she’s not going to.
“I know about your father,” I start, trying to be as gentle and delicate as I can. “I know about his Alzheimer’s.”
Her face immediately darkens and grows even tighter. Clearly, I wasn’t as delicate as I wanted to be. Either that, or she’s more sensitive about it than I thought. Not that I can blame her for that. My dad was taken quickly. I have no idea what she’s going through, so the last thing I want to do is patronize her.
“Fucking Rider,” she mutters. “Of course he told you.”
“In his defense, I pretty much had to pull his fingernails out,” I protest. “He did not want to tell me.”
“And yet, he did.”
“I pushed him, Berlin,” I argue. “If you’re going to be mad at somebody, be mad at me.”
“Oh, I am. But I should have known Rider wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut,” she snarls. “That’s my business, Sawyer. My personal business.”
“I understand that,” I tell her. “And it will go no further than this office. I just want you to know I want to help. And that I’m here to listen if you want to talk. I can’t even begin to imagine the burden you’re carrying.”
Berlin’s eyes narrow, and she glares daggers at me. “My father is not a burden –”
I hold my hands up to cut her off, seeing that she’s angry and is lashing out right now. She falls silent but stares at me like she wants to kill me.
“I’m not saying he’s a burden to you, Berlin,” I cut her off. “And I apologize if that’s how you took it.”
“Maybe it’s because that’s exactly what it sounded like to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I try again. “I
