Berlin looks away and runs her hand through her hair. I can see her jaw clenching and unclenching. I can tell she’s fighting like hell to keep from blowing up on me, but it seems to be taking a Herculean effort on her part. After taking a minute to gather herself, Berlin looks back to me and appears to be slightly calmer – the key word here being slightly.
“Thank you,” she concedes. “And I apologize for taking your head off.”
I give her a tight smile. “I just want to help you,” I explain. “In any way I can.”
“I appreciate that, Sawyer. I really do,” she sighs exasperated. “Right now, though, I just don’t know that getting involved with somebody is smart. I’ve got so much going on and –”
My laughter cuts her off, and she looks at me, a dumbfounded expression on her face. First, she ghosts me, and now that I’m confronting her about that, she’s trying to cut things off before we even really begin.
“I have to say, you are an anomaly in my life,” I say.
“An anomaly?” She raises an eyebrow in warning.
“I’ve never had to work so hard to get a woman to go out with me before.”
I mean to keep things light. Hopefully to get a laugh or at the very least, a genuine smile out of her, but she’s not having it. Her glare could curdle milk. It’s actually kind of adorable, but I’m smart enough not to mention that right now.
“I’m sorry to be so difficult for you,” she growls. “Let me make things a lot easier on you, Sawyer. I –”
“Berlin, I get that you’ve got a lot on your plate,” I interject. “But shutting me out instead of letting me help you carry the load is only hurting you.”
“And what if I said I don’t need any help?” she spits. “What if I tell you I’m doing just fine on my own?”
“I’d say that you’re either too proud to admit that you’re not, or you’re lying – if not to me, then to yourself,” I fire back. “I can see the toll your life is taking on you.”
She groans, and I can see the first cracks forming in that icy veneer she usually wraps herself up in. Berlin’s eyes shine with tears she’s bitterly hanging on to, refusing to let them fall.
“What do you want from me, Sawyer?” she asks, her voice sounding as defeated as she looks.
“I want you to realize that you’re not alone,” I respond. “Even though you take great pains to isolate yourself, you are not alone, and there are people around you more than willing to help you shoulder your burdens – even if it’s nothing more than just listening to you vent.”
It’s then I see the first tears start to fall. They roll down her soft, alabaster colored cheeks. I have to fight the urge to walk around the desk and pull her into a tight embrace and kiss her tears away. I don’t feel like that’s the right play here and would push her away rather than pull her closer to me.
“Do you really want to know what’s bothering me?” she mutters weakly.
“I really do.”
I adjust in the chair and settle back, getting myself comfortable since I get the feeling this is going to be involved. Berlin looks awkward and embarrassed. As if she’s suddenly not only uncertain of herself but regretting the decision to share her story with me. I get the feeling she thinks sharing her life in this manner implies a level of intimacy that maybe she’s not entirely ready for.
To be honest, I’m not sure we’re there yet either. But to that I’d ask – if not now, when? Sometimes, circumstances force you out of your comfort zone, and this may be one of those times. But if stepping out of my own comfort zone means helping ease the burden being felt by somebody I’m coming to care a great deal about, then it’s well worth being a bit uncomfortable.
I watch Berlin’s eyes dart around the room as if she’s expecting to see somebody eavesdropping on her. She’s clearly not comfortable talking about something so personal in the office.
“Let’s get out of here,” I offer. “We’ll go grab some lunch or something.”
She looks down at her desk; her face etched with unease. Berlin looks at the three folders sitting on her desk, and then at the clock mounted to the wall. She purses her lips as if trying to come to a decision. Finally, she nods.
“Yeah, maybe some fresh air will do me some good,” she says.
Chapter Seventeen Berlin
“I think people in this town would stone me to death,” I say. “But I honestly prefer Chicago style dogs.”
Sawyer turns to look at me, and I can’t help but laugh at the scandalized expression on his face.
“Bite your tongue, heathen,” he grins. “This is New York. Everything is better here.”
I hold up the plate in my lap. “Except the hot dogs.”
He shakes his head. “It’s like I don’t even know you.”
A genuine smile crosses my face – the first one in days, it seems like – and I laugh. Getting out of the office and into the crisp late Autumn air is doing me a lot of good. It’s helped clear my head and has somewhat pulled me out of the funk I’ve been mired in the last few days. As the bills pile up, I feel like my world has come crashing down around me, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to fix everything that’s broken right now.
“I couldn’t help but notice you’re a Mets fan,” he says. “I saw the picture in your office.”
I nod. “Yeah, my dad is a Mets fan,” I note. “I grew up rooting
