I would love for Berlin to reclaim her life. I would like to enjoy a night out with her and not have her attention divided between her father and me. It would be nice to not have her rushing off in the middle of a date because she has to take care of her father when her cousin has to leave. I want Berlin to enjoy her life. And I want her to enjoy her life with me. I want to build something real, something tangible with her, but it’s difficult to do when we don’t get to spend as much time together as I’d like.
“I don’t know, Sawyer.”
“I know this probably makes me sound like a selfish prick. And if that’s the case, so be it,” I tell her. “But I honestly think this is the best thing for both you and your father. And I have to believe your dad would want you to be happy and to have a life.”
She chews on her bottom lip. I can see the indecision etched into her every feature. I can tell she’s torn between the responsibility she feels for her father and her desire to have a life of her own.
“I – I don’t think you’re being selfish,” she admits. “I think this sounds amazing, and I don’t disagree about the benefits for my dad. I just don’t think this is feasible. There’s no way I can afford this place.”
“That’s something you don’t need to worry about,” I tell her.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean what I said,” I respond. “You don’t need to worry about the cost. It’ll be taken care of.”
She shakes her head. “I – I can’t let you do that,” she tells me. “That’s too much.”
“Like I said, that’s not for you to worry about,” I press. “All you have to do is agree, and it’ll all be taken care of.”
“Sawyer, you can’t just –“
“Believe me, Berlin, this is not a case of me putting on that cape again,” I tell her. “This is part of the employee benefits package that I offer to every Compass employee. We want you to be able to take care of your family – no matter what needs they may have.”
She doesn’t say anything to that. Just frowns and looks down. I know this is a lot to take in.
“Ultimately, this is your call, Berlin. The offer is there,” I tell her. “What you need to decide is whether you want to reclaim your life or not – knowing of course, that your dad will be getting top of the line care if you do.”
She wipes away the tears that are slipping from her eyes. She looks like she’s about to speak, but then her eyes drift away, and she says nothing.
“There’s nothing wrong with choosing yourself for once, Berlin,” I urge her. “There is no shame in choosing to have a life and be happy.”
“Can I think about it?” she finally asks. “It’s a big decision to make, and I want to give it some thought.”
“Of course. It’s definitely a big decision, and you don’t have to make it today,” I tell her. “Take your time.”
She finally gives me a genuine smile – one filled with warmth – and I feel confident that maybe for the first time in her life, she’ll choose herself.
Chapter Twenty-Nine Berlin
“Come on, it’s not that bad, is it?” he asks.
I stare at him blankly, not believing he’d even have the nerve to ask me that question. But then, given that he’s the one leading the charge, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.
“Yeah, it really is,” I answer.
It’s been about two weeks since I started working for Sawyer, and although it started off well enough, I’m now about to the point that I want to cut him. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew working for the man I’m seeing was a bad idea. One I shouldn’t have jumped into. But I needed the job and all the perks that came with it, and so I convinced myself it would be okay, and I jumped – and I now feel the need to slap myself for doing so.
It’s not necessarily the fact that I haven’t spent my days doing the legal work I’ve been educated and trained to do. Not completely, anyway. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not a bit irked with the fact that I’ve spent my days picking up his dry cleaning, organizing files, screening correspondence, or whatever ridiculous task he’s set me to. Still, I’m not above menial work. I’ve never been one who thought herself above any type of work. I believe in earning my keep and have never been afraid to get my hands dirty. It’s how I was raised.
No, what’s really rankling me is the almost frat house atmosphere in this office. At first, it was charming. Fun. And I thought an outlier since they seemed to be celebrating closing a few deals as well as some birthdays. But over the past couple of weeks, it seems like nobody takes anything seriously around here.
To be perfectly honest, now that I’m in the belly of the beast and see exactly how the sausage is made here, I find myself shocked by something new every single day. There is so much horseplay and goofing off here that I can’t believe this is a functioning multi-billion-dollar company. It seems like it’s being run by people with the collective maturity level of a bunch of high schoolers.
Oh, the image presented to the public is completely cool and professional. Nobody who walked in here off the street would ever guess at the foolishness I’ve seen. But I watch as people pull pranks on one another left and right – just yesterday somebody had shrink-wrapped somebody else’s entire workstation.
