“Good Morning, sleepyhead,” my mom kisses me on the cheek, and I snatch an apple from the bowl in the middle of the counter. I do what I can not to make eye contact with anyone because that means I’d get roped into a conversation, and that’s the last thing I want right now.
Mr. Michaels puts down his newspaper and stares up at me through his bifocals. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
“Oh, I’m going to go get my hair cut,” I grin, biting into the crunchy apple.
Rowan chokes on his orange juice, and Gray slaps his back. “What do you mean you’re cutting it?” His eyes are watering from the cough, but he still manages to narrow his eyes into slits.
“Oh, you can’t cut your hair, darling. It’s too beautiful,” my mom laments, running her fingers through the long locks.
I know my hair is pretty. It is the one thing I’m confident about in myself. It’s a pretty honey brown color, long with natural waves. I’m lucky, but I’m done having long hair, and it may or may not have to do with Rowan.
“I just want something new.”
“I get it. You need a fresh look, chop off the past and charge forward to the future, right?” Gray says before sipping his coffee.
“Exactly.” I crunch into the apple again and moan as the juices burst across my tongue.
Rowan chokes again and wheezes out, “I’m fine. Really.” He cuts his eyes to me, and if I’m not mistaken, I see a twinkle of emotion. “You can’t cut your hair.”
A part of me wants to comply and make him happy, but I have to stick to my guns. He and I have no future. I can’t do things because of him anymore.
“It’s not up to you, Rowan,” I fire back, and I don’t miss the way his chest stops moving when his name leaves my lips. I haven’t addressed him by name since we got here, and I never planned on it. Old habits, I guess.
He pinches his lips closed, and I don’t miss the way Gray grins around the rim of his coffee. Oh, so he knows about us, great.
“Well, what are you thinking about doing?” Gray asks.
“It’s a surprise.” I wink cheekily with a tilt of my shoulder.
He purses his lips. “Oh, fun. I love surprises.” Gray tilts his shoulder too, mocking me.
I giggle from the feminine move, and I forget for a minute that I’m supposed to be angry and unhappy because I’m near Rowan. I slide my eyes to Rowan, and the usual hateful shine in his eyes is gone, replaced by a softened look. The same one that made my teenage heart flutter like a million butterflies.
But it’s gone as quick as it came, and I hide my pain. I give my attention back to Gray and smile. “Yeah, I don’t know. It’s just time for a change, you know. It’s time to chop off the past, like you said. It’s time for a new me.”
“What was wrong with the old you?” my mom asks, tilting her head, seeming a bit worried.
“Just some things I want to leave behind, that’s all. It’s time to move on.” I want to look at Rowan when I say it, but since I don’t really mean the words I say, I can’t. “Anyway, I need to go.” I grab another apple for the road, my coat from the hallway closet, and sprint out the door.
Once I shut the door behind me, I lean against it and push all the air out of my lungs. It freezes in the cold, still air. No wind to take it away, the miniscule frozen particles fall to the ground with slow, unhurried movements.
I push through the snow that fell in sheets throughout the night and make it to my car in the ornate garage. I’m so glad I don’t have to brush off tons of snow, it’s the worst. I stop walking, mid-step, and turn around after feeling someone staring at me. It’s intense, but it doesn’t alarm me. I’m not scared.
Looking up to Rowan’s room, I see him standing at the window. His shirt rides up when he leans against the frame, showing a little strip of his stomach. I stare at him as he stares at me, and I’m not sure what passes, but it feels like I’m dancing with the devil. I refuse to be the one that breaks first.
I can’t tell if he is challenging me or looking at me with earnest. I need to remember he isn’t the same Rowan that I fell in love with. We don’t know each other anymore, and we wouldn’t love each other today.
That’s what I need to start telling myself.
He smirks and nods, rubbing his hand over his thick scruff. Almost enough to be called a beard. I remember when he couldn’t grow a peach fuzz. He gives me his back and disappears from the window. The curtains fall back, swaying until they find their place. Was he actually there? Or was I staring at a ghost?
Snow starts falling again, and I tilt my head up, letting the snowflakes fall on my face. It’s refreshing, and it brings me back to reality, not locked in an unspoken war with Rowan.
After a few more minutes of standing in the cold, I get in my car and start driving to downtown Spokane. It really is a beautiful little town. Mountains surround every direction, and the trees are Douglas Firs, tall, large, never-ending, and powdered with the winter snow. The roads are abandoned, but as the light peeks through the snow that’s falling, the town is waking up.
Which is a relief because if it was closed, I’d have to go
