Silence hangs heavy in the room as I stare hard at him, a muscle working in my jaw.
But Bennett doesn't blink. He meets my stare, unrelenting, his brow cocked as if to challenge me to deny what he said.
If I'm being honest, I don't know if I can.
"I see you've been watching chick flicks again," Jamie drawls. Then turns serious and cuts his eyes to me. "But I have to say he's right. You're the only one keeping yourself away from Sawyer. No one asked you to break up with her."
Giovanni nods in agreement. "You should go to her. It's not too late to fix it."
A muscle in my jaw pulses once again as my hand tightens around the wine I haven't bothered to drink. Instead of answering them, I set the drink down and move up to my feet, making a beeline for the door.
"Hey, where you off to?" Bennett calls after me, but I ignore him and step outside.
I have to get out of the room and away from them. Their words are fucking with my brain, making me hope for things I have no business hoping for, causing me to think I made a mistake.
But I damn know I didn't. It was the right thing to do—as much as it had killed me to do so. I'd been selfish enough when I pursued a relationship with her. Trapping her with all my baggage would just be heartless.
Sawyer deserves a guy who can give the world to her. Who can put her on top of everything. Who doesn't have a heavy burden on his shoulders.
I know things will not always be like this. My siblings won't always depend on me. They'll grow up to be independent adults. And the responsibility to look after Mom will be divided among us.
But I can't make Sawyer wait that long. It would've been unfair for her.
And that's what the guys don't understand. They can't comprehend why I can't be with Sawyer when I managed to be with Peyton just fine. But isn't Peyton a stark reminder of what a failure it is to be in a relationship?
Maybe Sawyer will never cheat on me. But she'll grow to resent me and my inability to prioritize her just like Peyton did. She'll hate me even more than she already does.
I can't give her that kind of misery.
*******
Aria is in the kitchen, making a sandwich when I walk in. Glancing up, she smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. It never does these days. The bruises on her face may have already healed, but the emotional scars of what she went through remain.
The urge to take the law into my own hands and retaliate is still strong, and every day is a struggle not to give in. But if there's any consolation, Michael Payne is already facing charges he can't escape. And I'll damn make sure he'll never go anywhere near my sister again.
"Why do you always have that look on your face whenever I'm in the room?"
I go still, tension sitting on my shoulders. "What are you talking about?"
"I've been seeing that look since the hospital. I thought it was because you were worried and stressed about what happened." A frown creases her forehead as she sets down the knife she was holding. "But it's not just it, is it? There's more to it than that."
"Where's Ethan?" I ask instead of giving her an answer, crossing to the fridge to get a cold drink.
"In his room. I made him work on his assignments." Aria watches with narrow eyes as I pour apple juice into a glass. "Why are you deflecting?"
"I'm not deflecting anything." I furrow my brows as suspicion coils in my gut. Did the guys say something to her? Did they ask her to talk to me? My eyes harden. "What's this all about, Aria? Why are we having this conversation?"
"You know it wasn't your fault that M-Michael hurt me, Parker." She swallows hard, her voice quivering at the bastard's name, still clearly shaken by what she went through. "You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened."
I avert my gaze, my jaw clenching tight.
But that's the problem right there. I blame myself for what happened to her. I already knew there was something off about Michael Payne. I should've done something about it. He wouldn't have had the chance to put his hands on her if I did. It could've been avoided.
But instead of paying close attention, I chose to be wrapped up in Sawyer. Lost myself in her to care about anything else. But I'm not blaming her. No, it's all on me. I'm the only one at fault here.
"Some things are bound to happen out of your control. You can't beat yourself up when they do."
That's what Sawyer told me when we were out looking for Mom. Her words echo through my mind, battling my resolve, tempting me to make a different choice.
But seeing my sister on that hospital bed with bruises on her face will always haunt me. It will always serve as a reminder of my failure to protect her. I can't let it happen again.
"There it is again. The look is back on your face," Aria chides.
"Aria—"
"No." She draws in a deep breath. "What that asshole did was not on you. It was all on him and no one else, okay? So stop being so hard on yourself."
"I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to be hard on myself when it comes to all of you."
"But not at the expense of your happiness," she says softly. "Ever since you broke up with Sawyer, you never smile anymore. You're back to being broody, and it seems to be worse than before. Even Ethan has noticed the change in you." She gives me a reprimanding look, as if she's the older sibling
