‘Lucy! I don’t want you getting involved. Meddling got me into this situation. More meddling’s only going to make it worse.’
‘We fixed it last time.’ She taps her chest. ‘Me and Clive. We can fix it again. Yes, we can.’
‘You’re not Bob the fucking Builder. It’s un-fixable, so leave it. He’s not the man for me. I’m fed up with all the stupid complications, and the drama and the secrets.’ I’m crying again and it’s not really surprising. After all, I am fed up. ‘Right now, I just want a bit of peace and quiet … and then …’ I falter. ‘I’ll move on. Yes, I will.’ A sob escapes at the very thought of it. ‘I’ll find someone else … eventually. Someone normal … with no fucking issues. Someone who cleans his car every Sunday, and loves his mum and dad, and watches football on the telly … and ...’
‘Bores you rigid,’ Lucy adds knowingly. ‘You’ve just described Tom.’
‘Oh shut up.’
I pull away another length of toilet roll and while Lucy sits down again, sliding into a disgruntled silence, I sniff, blow my nose a few times and sob a little more
‘What about Boyd?’ she asks at last.
‘Not him. He’s not normal.’
‘That’s not what I mean and you know it. Boyd’s still out there. I know he’s been stalking you. Clive told me.’
She waits, obviously expecting me to provide the details. But I’m giving none. I have no idea how much she already knows, and no wish to stoke the fire with unnecessary information.
‘So, what’s going to happen now? Is Dan throwing you to the wolves?’
‘No.’
‘We should go to Spain, live with my mum for a few months, take on new identities, work in bars …’
‘Stop it.’ I cut in. ‘I don’t need to hide. Dan may be a twat, but he’s not a bastard.’
‘Well, I don’t know about that …’
‘He’s going to have Boyd dealt with.’
‘What? Like taken out?’
‘Like warned off,’ I correct her, although with Bill’s involvement, I’m not entirely sure that’ll be the end of it. ‘I’m protected. He’s not hanging me out to dry.’
‘So, where’s the protection?’
‘Out there.’ I point at the window.
‘In the back yard?’
‘Don’t be stupid. Just somewhere out there.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Well, I’m going to ask Clive about that …’ She trails off into silence. Out of nowhere, a cloud of panic envelops her. I can practically see it billowing about her head. ‘Oh my God … what do I do about Clive?’
‘Nothing.’
Because there’s no need. Clive’s about to play his own part in this whole sorry masquerade. By the end of the evening, he’ll have dumped her and she’ll hate his guts. A wave of nausea rolls through my stomach, bringing with it a sudden urge to tell the truth. For a split second, a full and frank admission hovers precariously on my lips … but I swallow it back.
‘If I carry on seeing him, it’s going make things hard for you.’
‘Don’t be silly. We’re all grown up. I’m not expecting you to split up with Clive just because of this. You don’t have to worry about me. I can cope.’
‘I couldn’t break up with him anyway.’
A second wave. A second urge. In all the time I’ve known Lucy, I’ve never seen her fall for a man, not all the way, complete with hook, line and sinker. Please don’t tell me she’s gone and done it with Clive. Please, please, please …
‘I think I’m in love,’ she confesses quietly, almost embarrassed, and then a strange expression creeps across her face, half smile, half grimace. It’s a little unsettling, as if she’s got wind, and she’s enjoying it. ‘Yes,’ she murmurs. ‘I’m in love.’
If I wasn’t fully aware of the impending romantic doom, I’d be jumping for joy right now. Instead, my heart threatens to break for both of them. They’ve been sucked into a disaster that belongs to me and Dan. Through no fault of their own, they’re about to pay the price.
‘He wants to see me tonight.’
‘That’s nice.’
The strange expression disappears, and I’m relieved … until concern arrives in its place.
‘I’ll stay in. You need company.’
Actually, that’s the last thing I need. An evening with Lucy means a good few hours of acting, and I’m already exhausted by it all. But more than that, Clive needs to play his part as quickly as possible. As terrible as I feel, I need to help the process along.
‘No, Lucy. Just go out with him.’ I lay a hand on her thigh and magic up a concerned expression of my own. ‘He’s having a hard time. His best friend’s in hospital. He’s been under a lot of stress. He needs to see you. And don’t try some hare-brained plan. No stupid interventions.’
Guilt flickers in her eyes. I’ve caught her in the act.
‘It won’t work,’ I warn her. ‘Last time, Dan wanted me back. This time … he doesn’t.’
We sit in silence for a while, until Lucy finally slopes off to prepare herself for an ill-fated night out and I settle for unpacking my belongings. After dragging the suitcase into the bedroom, I set about stuffing combats, T-shirts, knickers and bras back into the drawers. With the job done, I perch on the end of the bed, gazing at a familiar room that’s now woefully empty. There are no photographs on the bedside table, no knick-knacks strewn across the chest of drawers. The covers on the bed haven’t been changed since I left, and there’s a thin layer of dust on every surface. Neglected and half forgotten, it’s the shell of a former life, but for the next few weeks, it’ll have to do.
I close my eyes and think of Dan. It’s only been a few hours since I last
