And as I gazed upon the marvelous multitudes, as if a lone, bright star was shining right down on her face, I saw Liron, a woman who was once a twelve-year-old girl who had the lyrics to “Looking In” written on the door of her bedroom in Tel Aviv, now a woman who is an invaluable member of my inner team and a treasured, loyal friend. I saw the knowing eyes of girlfriends and colleagues—people I have worked with, laughed and cried with during every era of my life. My universal family of fans, who have given me unparalleled, unstoppable, unconditional support since Day One, were spread out before me like a crystal-clear ocean of love.
For so long I wished I could get five people to be in harmony at Christmastime, and here I was in a family of thousands of Lambs, fans, and friends, and everybody was singing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” together! They were singing with me; they were singing to me. Our voices were ringing so loudly and jubilantly all of New York City could’ve heard us and joined in. In that moment we were all united in our own universe of the Christmas spirit. Tons of white confetti flakes came floating down on top of us from the ceiling. It was like the whole world was with me in one big snow globe of joy!
The next day I was utterly exhausted and entirely exhilarated as I woke up to the Billboard headline: “Wish Come True: Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ Hits No. 1 on Hot 100 After 25-Year Wait.”
Wait. What?!
Right at the end of 2019, I got my nineteenth number one! The Lambs made it happen again! My fans made it the most streamed song globally in a single day ever! I had worked hard and focused with my small team to give the song big energy on its shining silver anniversary, but making it to number one—that’s huge! That’s only something genuine fans, not just marketing plans, can do.
After the wonderful whirlwind of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” ended I made my traditional sojourn to my own winter wonderland, Aspen. With blood and chosen family—Roc and Roe, Tanaka, Shawn and his wife, two of my dogs, Cha Cha and Mutley, in tow, I was ready to nestle in and let our new traditional festivities begin! The days were sparkling and crisp. The grassy fields outside our homey-yet-sprawling chalet were blanketed with thick crystal-white snow, as if glittery clouds had settled down to sleep in our backyard. Content to stay in our cozy onesies all day, the kids and I put on our puffy coats and ski boots right on top of our PJs and dashed out into the fluffy blanket of flakes to make snow angels. Eyes pointed up at the bright-blue sky, we let the fresh smell of pine waft over our faces and tickle our noses.
Inside, the beautiful bustle of family warmed the whole house. From Handel’s Messiah to the Jackson 5, Christmas music was the infinite soundtrack (with laughing, dogs barking, and kids scurrying as the backgrounds). The halls, the walls, everywhere was decked and decorated, and fires roared in the fireplaces. In the living room the massive tree was filled with white lights, gold balls, cherubs, and gilded butterflies and topped with a beautiful angel star with gold-tipped wings and cream gossamer fabric flowing down from them. (In the family room is always another old-school-style tree with big, multicolored lights, giving a fuller, much happier Charlie Brown vibe. We decorate it with homemade ornaments and happy Polaroid pictures of each other; I also add cherished ornaments Lambs from all over the world have sent me over the years.) Garlands and lights cascaded down mantels and doorways, and white candles and poinsettias were all about. Cups were filled with rich hot cocoa and yummy butterscotch Schnapps.
At Christmas I have time to cook my favorite dishes—my father’s linguine with white clam sauce (for Christmas Eve, of course) and stuffed shells. Santa comes by the house to spread some cheer, and we ride and sing on a two-horse open sleigh, hey! We sing carols and actually frolic in the snow. It is real. It is loud. It is fun. It is Joy. It is my world.
I was already feeling full of gratitude (and hot chocolate and Schnapps) during our Aspen getaway holiday when another Billboard headline broke: “Mariah Carey Becomes First Artist at No. 1 on Billboard Hot 100 in Four Decades, Thanks to ‘All I Want for Christmas.’” Yes, thank you to the fans who have loved my little Christmas love song so deeply—so much so that it held the number-one spot on the charts for three weeks, making it the last number-one song of 2019 and the first number-one song of 2020, the first year of a new decade … Really, what is a decade again?
After all the swirling, toasting, singing, and celebrating. folks peeled off to cozy up into their places for the night. The kids were snuggled up in the family room, watching a movie, and everyone else was content in their bedrooms. I tiptoed quietly into the living room and sat by the fireplace. All was dark except for the stars twinkling outside of the big windows against the black-blue sky and the warm amber glow from the fire. I reveled in a sweet, quiet, private moment with myself. I took it all in.
I am peaceful.
I am complete.
EPILOGUE
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don’t let anyone
Tear them away
—“Hero”
In the middle of a violent storm, very young, I was given a glimpse of God’s vision for me. As a child, awakened to my dream, I believed with my entire being in what I was meant to do and who I was meant to be, long before anyone else did. And holding on to that belief required everything I had. Along the way I
