For I assure you: If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you.
—Matthew 17:20
In the end, and in the beginning, it’s all about faith for me. I can’t define it, but it has defined me.
“Mother” Emma Cutright
Nana Reese in front of her church with her pocket book
Nana Reese with her Bible
Alfred Roy at four years old
Addie looking glamorous
My mother’s mother
Pat in her opera days
Alfred Roy in the military
Little One
With Santa Claus for the first time
My cousin Vinny at age three
Me with the late bohemian Pat
With Cuddles the bear on a trip to Mount Washington with Father
Hodel with flowers from Alfred Roy
“Far from the Home I Love”
Posing for the guncles
Detangled and swept away
Chess with Alfred Roy
Early on you face …
“Lullaby of Birdland” with Clint at the piano
Wayward child
Little Mariah and Pat
Cee Cee, me, and Chris
Ninth grade
Beauty school! 500 hours
Looking In
With Josefin, making it happen in the city
“The Distance”
Me, Mike, and Shawn. Just for laughs.
With Shawn at Christmas in Aspen
Behind the scenes at a genuine diva moment with the incomparable Ms. Whitney Houston
The two dresses and Ms. Ross
With Morris, the icon
Theatre producer Kermit Bloomgarden with Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe and the piano
Me “with” Marilyn
With The Queen
Backstage “moment” at the World Music Awards in Monaco
Backstage in Taipei on the Butterfly tour
Me and Kris surviving Glitter
Living for my Lagerfeld dress with Rae Rae and Kris
Serving a dip with my dear friend Treymond
From my pinup board in Franco’s garden in Capri
At the Lanesborough hotel in London with Bailey the puppy
Alternative “Riah”
With Luis Miguel, the Latin Elvis
Bianca after dark
Opulence and decadence on Roberto Cavalli’s yacht
A puppy love moment …
President Obama making Roe laugh
With Nelson Mandela
Prince helped me on a soul level when I needed it the most, and through his music he continues to save the day, every day.
With my all-time favorite, Stevie Wonder
Liron and I having a laugh
Shawn and me with sunflowers for Alfred Roy on our last Father’s Day together
Roc and Roe in Italy learning to swim
Alfred Roy in the Porsche
My son, Rocky, in his grandfather’s, Alfred Roy, car
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This book would not be possible without the loving guidance of God.
In loving memory of Lavinia Cole aka “Cousin Vinny.” Thank you for holding our family history and sharing it with me. Your participation in this book and in my life were invaluable.
Thank you to my tribe of angels: Alfred Roy, Addie Mae Cole, Nana Reese, Mother Emma Cutright, and The Bishop. I feel you with me every day … carrying me higher.
And for the people, the precious people, and there are many, who lift me up and hold me down, daily: I thank you for all you have done and undone to help me bring my life to life.
I am eternally grateful. (And please forgive me if I have left out your name. You are in my heart.)
My nephews/brothers/cousins/uncles/grandfathers Shawn and Mike, I treasure you endlessly.
The gorgeous and gifted Kristopher Buckle. The loving and caring Ms. Ellen Greene. G.G. “I said Good Night.” The solid and steady Al Mack and the “hate to be boring” Michael Richardson and the incredible Brian Garten and his ever tolerant family. Your collective support and protection have been vital to me, and I am eternally grateful.
Without the deep understanding and friendship of Karen G, Rhonda Cowan, Stephen Hill, and Lee Daniels (aka Cot), I would not have made it.
My cousins Cee Cee and Chris—our fun was like cooked food to me. Still love you like rice and beans.
To my four-legged family throughout the years who gave me unconditional love: Princess, Duke (got dem balls, ha!), the ever-present Jackson P. Mutley Gore III (I love you always), the Good Reverend Pow, Jill. E. Beans, Squeak. E. Beans, J.J. aka Jack Jr.Dat Boy, Mutley!!!!!! Jackie E. Lambchops, Pipity, Dolemite, QUEEN CHA CHA the good girl, the baby and the O.G. Clarence of Centerport SWYWT (Shit Where You Want To) my friend (heart).
And the wonderfully unique Tanaka, thank you for providing a beautiful and steady shoulder to lean on (IFLY).
Jay-Z, thank you for believing, thank you for leading, and Sir Jay Brown, Mr. Hank, and the entire Roc Nation team. Rob Light and the folks at CAA, Allen Grubman, Joe Brenner, the Stewarts, and my entire legal team, Burt Dexler, Lester Knispel, and Rosemary Mahtawossian at Boulevard Management. I so appreciate all of your work on my behalf.
My very special publisher
