I’ve often wondered if there’s ever been a perfect family
I’ve always longed for undividedness and sought stability
—“Petals”
In a way, “Petals” told part of my life story through snapshots of the formative relationships that touched and changed me. With that song, I wanted to offer forgiveness and to imagine another possible life in the future—one with less hurt and more healing. So I wrote the song to release some of the pain. But there are still times when the hurt chokes me and I cannot sing the song.
Rainbow had two number ones—“Heartbreaker” (my fourteenth, featuring Jay-Z) and “Thank God I Found You” (my fifteenth, collaborating with Joe and 98 Degrees, and with Nas on the remix). It was important to me to pull together the artists I felt were defining the time, and Usher, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, Da Brat, Missy Elliott, Mystikal, and Master P were also part of the album.
After working at Jimmy and Terry’s Minneapolis studio, I returned to New York to do “Heartbreaker” with DJ Clue. Jay-Z jumped on that track, and it became the hit we all know and love. We did the “Heartbreaker” remix between New York and Los Angeles. DJ Clue brought in all kinds of cool artists, like Joe and Nas on “Thank God I Found You (Make It Last Remix).” Rainbow closed out the twentieth century and, for me, was the bridge to freedom. But as they say, freedom ain’t free.
Recording the album was a whirlwind, but it was fulfilling as well. By then I had a real sense of my rhythm and specific preferences for how I would craft a song. I would often create different parts of a song in different places. I really love the process of writing in a collaborative way, but doing my vocals is a more intimate process for me. While writing I like to do a scratch (first draft) vocal, sometimes without lyrics or with partial lyrics, and then take that basic track, complete the lyrics, finish the vocals, perfect it, and layer in background vocals. I like to do the lead when no one else is there, just me and my engineer. If I could do my own engineering, I would record like Prince and be completely alone. I prefer not having to consider other people’s opinions in the development of vocals. I like a calm space where I can get to work and focus; I need to be able to hear my thoughts and see the vision in my head. I need to be able to play with the song, tweak it, and I definitely need a chance to sing it through a couple of times. Where does it feel natural to go up? Where doesn’t it? Making records is kind of a spiritual science compared to a live vocal performance. I’m at my best when I can take my time and really live with a record.
We put out the Greatest Hits album for Columbia in 2001. It was a double album, which included the commercially successful hits and some personal and fan favorites like “Underneath the Stars” and my duet with the truly legendary Luther Vandross, a remake of “Endless Love.” My last album for Columbia, which would mark the end of my obligation to Sony, was The Remixes. By the time it came out, in 2003, Tommy had stepped down from Columbia/Sony, so I had more creative input into the album and was more invested.
The concept of the compilation was unique: It was a double album like Greatest Hits, only the first disc was all the club mixes, and the second was all the hip-hop collaborations and remixes, from “Honey” to “Loverboy (Remix)” to “Breakdown,” featuring Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. It even included the So So Def remix of “All I Want for Christmas” with Lil’ Bow Wow (he was still lil’ then) and my hit song with Busta Rhymes and Flipmode Squad, “I Know What You Want.”
But before these final two albums, I sealed the new deal on my freedom. After meeting with all the major record labels, I settled on the more eclectic Virgin Records, which was very artist friendly (they had Lenny Kravitz and Janet Jackson). I believed if I had enough money and marketing support, we would have success. With a fresh, historic record deal, I was about to embark on the project that changed my life—Glitter.
PART III
ALL THAT GLITTERS
FIRECRACKER
“He knows we just did this shit with Mariah … and he’s trying to fuck with Mariah.”
—Irv Gotti
The saga of making Glitter was a collision of bad luck, bad timing, and sabotage.
The soundtrack and film began as All That Glitters, and though I first began to work on the project in 1997, we had to put it on hold for several years so I could fulfill more pressing obligations to Columbia. While I had significant creative control over the soundtrack, I had virtually none when it came to the film. The initial concepts I developed for the story were almost entirely rewritten. I started working on the script with my acting coach and Kate Lanier, who had written What’s Love Got to Do with It. She’s such a talented and gifted writer, and I really trusted her. But every day we kept getting more and more studio notes.
Tommy could not give up control, especially now that I was doing what I had always dreamed of and he had always feared: acting. Glitter was being produced by Columbia Pictures, which was owned by Sony, which connected it to Tommy. The chair of Columbia Pictures at the time referred to him while we worked as “the white elephant in the room”—that silent, invisible force we could not discuss. Anything that might have pushed the envelope, that would have made it an R-rated or even PG-13–rated movie, was swiftly vetoed. Nothing
