Hostage to Fortuna

some point,and I assured her that I had not spared Bronwen any details, butshe was not convinced.

“I just don’t think that it’s a goodidea to take her to Ubiorum with you, not when you don’t know whatyou’re going to be facing,” she fretted.

It was, I conceded, a good point, but it wasone I had actually broached the day before we arrived inMogontiacum, that she might stay here with my mother, somethingthat she had instantly and very firmly dismissed. When I told mymother this, she was unmoved.

“You need to try harder,” sheinsisted.

I have no idea where the inspiration camefrom, but before I had time to think, I countered, “If thishappened to my father, and you were his woman…would you stayhere?”

It was, I confess, a supremely satisfyingmoment, rendering my mother speechless and unable to summonanything that could rebut what we both knew was the truth.

Instead, she muttered, “Oh, go piss on yourboots.”

I knew she did this to make me laugh, and itworked.

Moving on to safer subjects, she observed,“I can’t even imagine how trying this must be for Bronwen.”

I certainly could not argue this, but I didfeel compelled to point out, “She’s also enjoyed herself, Mama.”She regarded me with a raised eyebrow, and I felt my face flush.“Not like that,” I protested, then I gave her a grin, “At least,that’s not all she’s enjoying.” Ignoring her snort, I actuallyconsidered for a moment, and for the first time, I thought of theprevious four months not as a series of challenges and dangers, butin its entirety, and it made me shake my head. “I’ve been fromGermania, to Britannia, to Egypt. No matter what happens to me, Ihave no regrets, Mama. None,” I said firmly, wanting to make thispoint to her. “I knew what I was doing, and I knew the risks I wasrunning, so I don’t want you to blame my father’s family. Theydidn’t make the decision, I did.”

“I know that,” she replied quietly,surprising me somewhat. “Because you’re your father’s son, Gnaeus,and I have no doubt that he would have done the same thing.Because,” she leaned forward to take both my hands as she said withan intensity that was, frankly, a bit unsettling, “it was the rightthing to do. As much as your father cared, and you,” her toneturned a bit harder, “care about your career, nothing is moreimportant than family, Gnaeus. Nothing.”

In that moment, I understood what she wastrying to do, but I did not say anything; we had argued too manytimes about my decision to stay under the standard. Besides, theidea of returning to the Equestrian Order was as far as away as themoon, and I thought it would be more likely that I would grow wingsand fly to it than having Germanicus sponsor me any longer.

My mother and I stayed up all nighttalking, about everything other than what came next, but she hadconvinced me to at least approach Bronwen with the idea of stayingput, which I did just as much to let my mother witness my woman’stemper than having any hope she would stay behind. Mandalonius hadthe horses ready, but we had decided to leave the spares, which hewould take to the livery stable and arrange for their return backto Arelate, which could take months. Somehow my mother managed toremain dry-eyed, although Bronwen was crying, and she actuallyclung to my mother for a stretch of time that made Alex and meexchange a glance, while I promised to send a message the moment Iknew what awaited me. It was snowing again, and I had to forcemyself not to look back at my mother, standing there in her cloakat the gate, watching us leave, because then I would have beencrying as well, and I knew it. Traffic was light, which was not asurprise, and while this section was still not completely paved,the roadbed had been graded and graveled, so we made excellenttime, arriving in Confluentes before midday the second day afterstaying in one of the handful of inns that have sprung up along theroad. It certainly is not as developed as the Via Agrippa, where itseems like you cannot go five miles without having an inn ortaverna in one of the numerous smallvillages that have sprung up throughout Gaul. Confluentes had grownimmensely once it became home to the15^th and16^th Legion, but it was inConfluentes we heard the rumor that the15^th was heading back toPannonia, while the fate of the 16^thwas still being decided. This was the first sign that therewas not a plan to continue the campaign against Arminius, but Irefused to think of this as a good sign. And, with every milecloser to Ubiorum, the more desultory the conversation, and themore tense we all became. Despite my best efforts, I found myselfsnapping and snarling at Alex and Bronwen equally, both of whomsuffered in silence.

When the walls came into view, I drew up,suddenly unwilling to go any farther, but I tried to disguise thisby asking, “I think we should get a room at Flavius’ so I canchange, and you and Bronwen can stay there.”

“You don’t want me to go with you?”Alex was clearly surprised, but on this, I had made up mymind.

“I don’t want to leave Bronwen alone,”I lied, or at least partially did so. “Once I find out what’s in myimmediate future, I’ll have someone come and let youknow.”

He either thought this was a good ideaor knew better than to argue, and we resumed our journey, enteringthrough the open gates, whereupon we immediately ran into afamiliar face, one who came to an abrupt stop in the middle of thestreet to stare up at us like he had just seen anumen.

“What?” I called down to him, the newscar on my cheek actually hurting from smiling so broadly. “Youforgot what I looked like?”

For a moment, Marcus Macer just stood therebefore, finally, he found his voice.

“I’d forgotten how ugly you are,” hesaid, but I had already dismounted to stride over to him to ignorehis arm to sweep him into an embrace, completely ignoring thesudden crowd of onlookers.

Maybe, I thought, the gods are looking outfor me