Hostage to Fortuna

I wanted tohelp them!”

I was certain this would anger him; ifanything, it appeared to make him sad.

“I know you did, Gnaeus.” This was thefirst time I could remember that he ever used mypraenomen. “But if every man underthe standard ran off to help their families in their time of need,we’d be unable to field more than a Cohort of men.”

He was right, and I knew it. As Pilus Prior,I was responsible for approving or denying requests from the men ofthe Fourth Cohort when they asked for leave to rush home to helpout with some emergency, and I could count on one hand the numberof times I had granted it. I was unsure what was expected of me, soI was determined that I would keep my mouth shut, despite the factthat I was acutely aware it carried a substantial risk of angeringhim further.

Therefore, of course I blurted out,“You said that it was out of your hands, Primus Pilus. Does thatmean that,” I had to swallow past the lump that materialized in mythroats, “the Propraetor hadalready decided my fate before he returned to Rome?”

Sacrovir did not reply immediately, and Ihad the sense that he was tormenting me, so I did my best to keepmy face a mask that, hopefully, portrayed how calm I was and readyto accept my fate.

Finally, he said tersely, “Only in amanner of speaking, Pullus. Wait here,” he said abruptly as he gotup, crossed to his desk, where he picked up the scroll that he hadbeen examining, but before returning, he opened a drawer andwithdrew a second scroll that I could see was still sealed.Returning to the table, he dropped the unopened scroll in front ofme and waved the other one in his hand as he informed me, “Thiscame yesterday, and it’s from the Propraetor, and it concerns you.” Once again, hefell silent, his eyes on me, except this time, he seemed to beconsidering something. Suddenly, he pointed to the scroll in frontof me, and said, “Before I tell you what this,” he waved hisscroll, “says, I’m asking that you open that and read itfirst.”

This seemed unsettlingly odd to me, whichwas what prompted me to counter, “You said ‘ask,’ Primus Pilus, butis that an order?”

To my surprise, he shook his head as hereplied, “No, it’s not an order; it’s a request, Pullus.”

It was difficult, but I managed to controlthe tremor in my hand when I broke the seal that I had instantlyrecognized as belonging to Germanicus, and I had to tilt it towardsthe nearest lamp to read it, which I had to do twice, and eventhen, it did not seem to make sense.

Sacrovir’s patience wore out, and hesnapped, “Well? Are you going to tell me what it says?”

“That,” I found it hard to form thewords, “I’m being detached from the1^st and ordered to report tothe Propraetor in Rome for anew assignment.”

Sacrovir’s eyes narrowed, and I heard thesuspicion there as he demanded, “Is that all it says? It doesn’tsay what this new assignment is?”

Rather than answer him verbally, I simplyhanded him the scroll, which he scanned before he dropped backagainst his chair.

“So,” he said as if he was talking tohimself, “he had already planned this before he heard about whatyou did.”

This, while informative, only deepened myconfusion, and I felt that since I had let Sacrovir peek under mytunic, as we say, it was only fair that he do the same, so I heldmy hand out for his scroll and asked, “May I read that, PrimusPilus?”

His answer was immediate, and in thenegative, actually pulling it away as if he expected me to try tosnatch at it.

“No,” he answered coldly, “you maynot. However,” he seemed to think about it, “I will tell you thismuch. You’re still reporting to Rome to Germanicus. And,” hehesitated slightly, and I could see that he was still thinkingfuriously about how much to disclose before he went on, “I can alsotell you that this,” he waved the scroll, “while essentially thesame, does add one thing I’m willing to tell you, and that yourdetachment from the 1^st isn’tpermanent.”

To my ears, this was good news, and I couldnot keep the smile from my lips.

“So, when I come back, I’m going tocommand the Fourth again?”

“No, that’s not what it means,”Sacrovir snapped. This time, he used his free hand to point at aspot on the scroll as he said, “Germanicus has made it very clearthat, while you’re only going on a temporary duty and that oncecompleted to his satisfaction, you’ll be returning to the1^st, he leaves it entirely upto me to determine what role you might fill. And,” he addedominously, “at what rank and post.”

I could not really think of an appropriateresponse, so I simply said, “I’ll be leaving at once, Primus Pilus.But,” I knew I was taking a risk, “I do have one request.”

“What is it?” he asked in a tone thatdid not bode well.

“I’d like to go talk to the boys ofthe Fourth,” I said. “I’d at least like to check and see how manyof them made it back to Ubiorum and how many we lost atsea.”

To my surprise, Sacrovir actuallylooked embarrassed, which he confirmed by muttering, “Of course,and I should have thought about that, Pullus.” He looked directlyin my eyes as he added, “I wasn’t lying, Pullus. I understand whyyou did what you did. And,” he shrugged, “I can’t say that Iwouldn’t have done the same. I also know that your men have beenextremely worried about you, and their morale has been forcac. So,” he stood up then andgestured to the door, “go see your Cohort. They should be in theirhuts.” I, of course, had gotten to my feet as well, and I salutedhim, which he returned, then just as I reached the door, he calledto me. When I turned, I saw a glimmer that might have been a smile,“And, Pullus? I think that since you owe your boys a few rounds ofdrink at the Dancing Faun, you might want to delay your departure aday. I suspect that your head will be too sore to leavetomorrow.”

My first surprise