Hostage to Fortuna

perfect. My leathers were varnished, myhamata was supple and oiled, thetransverse red crest of my helmet that signified my status as PilusPrior was stiffened so that the horsehair stood erect, whilemy phalarae gleamed, yet Iwas acutely aware that this was all meaningless; it was not goingto ameliorate whatever my punishment was to be, but it was stillimportant to me.

Once Alex finished his inspection, Ineedlessly reminded him, “You’re taking her to your apartment. IfI’m able, I’ll come there. But if not,” I had to swallow the biledown, “I’ll be sure to send someone, probably Gemellus to let youknow, or maybe Mus if he was allowed to remain Optio.”

We clasped arms, I gave Bronwen onelast kiss, wiping away the tears as I assured her that everythingwould be all right, then I left the inn and began the walk down thestreet that leads directly to the main gate of the home of both my1^st and the20^th Legion. Despite it beingearly and still dark, I saw familiar faces, probably because theyall seemed to be turning to watch me stride past, mysagum—the regulationsagum and not the fur-linedone—wrapped around me against the bitter cold. Clutching myvitus, I strode towards the gate,immediately recognizing that it was the turn of the20^th to mount the guard, butalthough I did not know the correct watchword, the Optio in commandof this guard recognized me. In fact, if I was any judge, the lookhe gave me as he allowed me to pass was one very close to pity, butI simply nodded my thanks and continued on, heading for thebuilding that is both the quarters of the Primus Pilus and theLegion office. I did not knock, entering immediately, but I did notrecognize the clerk who was in the process of beginning the day;fortunately, Menander quickly emerged from Sacrovir’s personalquarters, where he came to a dead stop, his features goingpale.

“P-Pilus Prior Pullus?” hestammered.

“Am I?” I asked, then amended, “ThePilus Prior, I mean?”

He did not say a word, insteadspinning about and disappearing back into Sacrovir’s privatequarters. What happened next, oddly enough, calmed my nerves,because I was left to stand there, with what I supposed was theclerk replacing the one whose name I never learned studiouslyignoring me. This is not only not uncommon, it was a tactic that Ihad used myself, where I made a man under punishment sweat as hestood there, wondering what awaited him when I finally deigned tosee him. However, whereas I normally always thought that timedragged more slowly than normal, at this moment, I knew that Istood there for a third part of a watch because thebucina sounded the change. Somehow,I managed to stand there, not moving, for the entire time, myhelmet under my left arm, clutching my vitus, at the position of intente, staring at a spot above the door.Finally, I heard footsteps, then the door opened, and Menanderreappeared, refusing to look me in the eye.

“Primus Pilus Sacrovir will see younow,” was all he said, and I marched past him into the privatequarters of my Primus Pilus.

This time there was no invitation to sit atthe table against the wall; Sacrovir was dressed in only his tunic,but he sat behind his desk, and I felt his eyes on me as I marchedup to it, saluted, then rapped out, “Quartus Pilus Prior GnaeusPullus, reporting for duty, Primus Pilus.”

Using a trick I had learned from my father,I was staring at a spot just above Sacrovir’s head whileconcentrating my attention on the lower part of my vision, so I wasable to see that he had a scroll, partially unrolled on the desk,which he seemed to be studying. Either he’s a slow reader, Ithought, or he’s doing this to torment me, and I immediately optedfor the latter. Finally, he let out a long breath, then droppedback against the back of his chair.

“I can’t do this,” he said in whatsounded like a weary voice. “I can’t waste the time.”

Suddenly, he stood up, and to my uttershock, he actually indicated the table that I was certain would notbe used. Of course I did as he commanded, but I still was unsurewhether I was expected to sit; I got part of my answer by themanner in which he dropped into his own.

“If I had any discretion in thematter,” his tone was cold, which matched his words, “I would haveyou dismissed from the Centurionate for not reporting back here atyour first opportunity. Yes,” he held up a hand, presumably toforestall what he thought I was going to say, “there wereextraordinary circumstances. Saloninus went to great lengths toexplain what you were facing. And,” he allowed, “if you had chosento come directly to Ubiorum, I would have done everything in mypower to approve you an extended leave for you to help yourfamily.” For the first time, he actually looked me in the eye,“Pullus, I doubt you’ll believe this, but I’m not only very awareof what your father and great-grandfather’s name means to men underthe standard, I respect the name a great deal.” His voice becamesofter as he said, “I would have done everything in my power togive you every opportunity to help the Pullus family, if not foryou, then for your father’s memory. But,” he raised both hands in ahelpless gesture, “when you didn’t return, you took that power outof my hands.”

Honestly, I was trying not to vomit on hisdesk, because I was almost certain that Primus Pilus Sacrovir wasspeaking honestly.

“I’m…sorry, Primus Pilus,” and it wasmy turn to stop him, holding up a hand, “and I know that doesn’tamount to an amphora of piss. It’s just that when I learned whatthe ransom cost my family, I…” all I could offer then was a shrug,“…decided they needed me more than the Legion at thetime.”

“That’s not your decision to make,”Sacrovir snapped, and I could not argue with this, so I did nottry.

Instead, I simply asked, “If we don’t marchfor our families, then who do we march for?”

“The Imperator!” he shot back, but Iwas not going to back down, not about this.

“Who’s here to protect all of Rome’scitizens! My family are citizens, Primus Pilus, and