For a moment, I just stared at him. I'd heard each and every word he'd said, but none of them seemed to make any sense at first. Then, I realized what he was getting at. He was worried he'd made some kind of pass at me, had harassed me in some way. I wasn't sure if he was worried for personal reasons or if he was afraid there might be a pending sexual harassment suit that would be following my departure.
"No," I said at last. "It wasn't anything you did."
Which was the truth. It was something I did, not him. He'd played his role in everything, but he hadn't known what he was doing. I didn't blame him for his part in me getting pregnant. And in that moment, I found myself nearly spilling the beans to him, telling him everything. but I bit my tongue. I couldn't tell him. Not yet.
Once I was away from the company, I'd tell him. I'd write a letter and send it to him. There was no way I'd be able to admit everything to him face to face. I was too much of a coward for that.
Christian nodded, but he still didn't relax. He would find a new secretary, I knew. There were plenty of others in the office that could pick up the slack until then anyway. The company was not going to fall apart just because I was leaving. I was good at my job, but I wasn't irreplaceable. Even I knew that. Someone who'd been in the business as long as he had surely knew that as well.
I took another sip of my tea as I waited to see what else Christian had to say. What else would he try to offer me to stay with the company? The silence seemed to stretch on forever though, and I was getting fidgety, waiting to hear what would come next.
When he finally spoke though, his offer nearly made me drop the tea. "I have a trip coming up this weekend. My brother is renewing his vows. I'd like you to come along with me as my plus one."
Again, I just stared at him. My grip tightened around the small ceramic mug as I fought not to spill it all over the floor. His invitation was so out of left field, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on in that brain of his. His proposal was definitely a personal one, not a business one. So why in the hell would he do something like that after just having asked if he'd accidentally harassed me at work?
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea," I told him honestly. I still very keenly remembered that night with him. I'd mixed my personal desires with my business life once, and look where that had gotten me. I was not eager to repeat that experience and see what else could go wrong in my life.
Christian's eyes pleaded with me, even as he kept his voice neutral. "I promise nothing untoward will happen during the trip. I need someone to come along with me without getting the wrong idea. And it will give us a chance to discuss the project a bit more before you leave." He took another deep breath. "In exchange, after your two weeks are up, I will give you the references you need to get any other job in the city you want."
I could see just how much that offer was hurting him. Still, though, I don't completely trust his offer. There has to be some kind of catch, some reason beyond what he's told me. But I can't for the life of me figure out what that would be.
"What's the catch?" I asked, at last, letting out a breath. I hated that I was considering his offer, but if what he'd said was true, then I wasn't exactly in a place to reject it either. I was leaving him suddenly, with only the minimum two week’s notice, in the middle of a big project. Didn't I owe him a favor? And he wasn't wrong. It would give us a chance for me to get him caught up on everything I'd been handling for him, without us losing time during the week.
I just wasn't so sure how I was going to travel to something like that with him and keep myself in check. Even knowing how badly our last night together had turned out, I couldn't help but ache for another night with him. His strong hands had been heavenly as they'd roamed up and down my body. He'd promised he wouldn't do anything untoward, but could I make that same promise?
I wasn't eager to spend time with his family, either. It was bad enough I was pregnant with his child without him knowing. How was I supposed to keep that secret from his family too? How was I supposed to be part of all of that, knowing I'd most likely never get to truly be part of it?
"There's no catch, I promise."
When I looked into his eyes, I found myself believing him. There was nothing in the way he looked at me to evenly slightly suggest he wasn't telling me the truth. And a reference from him would be worth its weight in gold after all, so I found myself agreeing. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy trip, but I was determined to suck it up and get through it.
Once again, I found myself wondering if I was doing the right thing by not just coming out and telling him the truth about the baby. Christian gave me the details about the trip, but most of them went in one ear and out the other. No matter how hard I tried to focus, it was nearly impossible. All I could do was the same ever since the doctor
