When I'd packed for this trip, I hadn't known to bring anything that was meant for horseback riding. I'd brought a casual outfit, but Holly had taken one look at it and shaken her head, proclaiming it far too nice to wear out riding. She'd pulled me into Emma's room, assuring me her nanny wouldn't mind me borrowing her clothes, and we'd found a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that fit me.
I made a mental note to ask where the laundry room was, so I could wash the clothes before returning them to Emma. I doubted she'd want her clothes back smelling like horses.
When we'd gotten back inside, Christian's mother was waiting for us, a smile on her face even as she took in our disheveled appearances, promptly sending all three of us to our respective rooms to shower and change clothes for the rehearsal dinner.
The silence after Holly's constant chatter was more than welcome. More than that though, the hot shower I stepped into after stripping off the dirty clothes was a slice of heaven. I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it and let the beads of water pelt my skin and massage my muscles. Closing my eyes, I let out a soft moan as I shifted around, letting the water hit me all over.
I needed a shower head like that back in my apartment!
A good part of me really wanted to just stand there for the rest of the night, letting the water pummel my muscles loose again. But I knew I didn't have the time before dinner and forced myself to finish cleaning off. Somehow, I'd managed to stay seated on Blacklight's back, though I'd been nearly certain I'd have been dumped off onto the ground at some point. Despite that though, I found myself dirtier than I could remember being since I was a kid.
When I finally managed to convince myself to get out of the shower, I was shocked to see myself smiling in the mirror. It wasn't the polite business smile I'd used every day, either. My eyes sparkled with a new life. A single day with Christian's family seemed to have washed away the years.
Even my mind seemed clearer, less cluttered and chaotic. When I put my hands on my stomach, I was able to actually take a deep breath and still smile into the mirror. Maybe the entire world wasn't going to hell in a handbasket, I thought. Maybe things really were starting to look up.
Then, right on time, the nausea hit, and I rushed over to the toilet, emptying my lunch into it. I prayed that the walls in the house were thick and that no one else was able to hear my retching as I fought to calm myself back down.
It took a few minutes, then I was back in front of the mirror, rinsing the acrid taste out of my mouth. Despite the momentary bout of nausea, I was still able to smile at myself. Life didn't have to be perfect, I figured. I could handle a few bumps in the road. It may not always seem like it, but I believed in myself.
Even if it seemed insurmountable, I would keep going. If not for my sake, then for the baby's. No matter what curveballs life or Christian or anyone threw my way, I'd manage it.
Holly was waiting in the hallway for me when I stepped out. She beamed at me, and I shifted nervously under her gaze.
"How do I look?"
Holly pursed her lips together, suddenly looking much older than she was as she circled around me, taking in my entire appearance. When she stood in front of me again, she was frowning, and my heart sank. Then, she grinned broadly again, giving me two thumbs up. "Uncle Chrissy is going to love it!" she declared with that absolute certainty only kids seemed to be capable of.
I wasn't sure why she thought I might be trying to impress Christian, but I tried not to think about it. Deep down, I knew she wasn't wrong. I did want him to like what I wore. It was silly and vain, but I couldn't deny it. I just certainly wasn't going to say it out loud!
Thankfully, Emma came out of her room a moment later, wearing a gorgeous black dress, and Holly ran to fawn over her nanny's appearance. Once Holly had given her the seal of approval as well, she led the two of us down to where the rehearsal dinner was being held, giving Emma and I a chance to chat a bit while we walked.
"Thank you for letting me borrow some clothes," I said as Holly skipped along in front of us. "I'll get them washed and returned right away."
But Emma just waved me off with a smile. "Just throw them in the pile with the rest of mine." She nodded her head at Holly, bouncing ahead of us with golden curls. "That one has had me out there every day with her in those stables, and I have a whole pile of clothes that are covered in mud and horse. What's one more set?"
I giggled at the thought. Knowing Holly, what Emma said was true. It didn't matter that Emma was supposed to be the one in charge until Holly's father showed up. Everyone knew Holly was the one running the show. Whatever she wanted, she found a way to get, one way or another.
Chatting with Emma on the way down to the dinner helped relax my nerves a bit, but I still couldn't get my heart to stop thundering in my chest. All I could think about was doing something wrong, making a mistake and ruining the entire dinner for Nick and Gabriella. Even though the entire family had basically bent over backward to make me feel welcome, I couldn't help but feel like I didn't belong there.
I'd always felt out
