There was very little I could've done at any of the work events to turn it into a disaster. There were always hundreds of people at those things, and very few of them ever actually even noticed me. This was a small group of people, nearly all were family. I considered how Emma might feel. She was here because she had a job. Yet from what I could tell, everyone gave her respect and she was treated with warmth. Still, I was under the microscope. I gathered that Christian didn’t casually bring anyone home.
I had no doubt that if I said or did anything unusual, it wouldn’t go unnoticed. I didn’t want to make things difficult for Christian.
He was waiting in the great room and rushed over to take my hand the moment I walked into the room. Christian smiled at me like I was the most important person in the world. My heart had been pounding before, but now I was afraid the damned thing was going to explode as I tried to act calm and smile back at him. "You ready?" he asked, his voice low. Emma had shepherded Holly off to their table and no one else was within earshot.
"Of course," I said, hoping my voice sounded casual. I didn't want him to know just how nervous I actually was. This wasn't even my rehearsal dinner, it wasn't even my family. And yet, I couldn't help but want it to go off without a hitch. At the very least, I didn't want any problems to be my fault. If I screwed up, it would just reflect on Christian.
Still, I hadn't really figured out why he'd brought me along. He'd claimed it was because I'd be professional and not read anything else into it. He'd also said it would allow us to get some work done, though very little work had happened so far. And if I was being honest with myself, I wasn't sure how professional I could manage being when every time I looked at him I wanted to kiss the man.
I shouldn't have agreed to come with him, but it was too late now. Christian led me over to the table where his younger brother Aspen sat. Aspen, I noticed, was alone, without a date, and I wondered why. Christian had said one of the reasons he'd brought me along was to keep his mother from playing matchmaker. Wouldn't Aspen want to avoid the same fate?
I didn't get more than a few moments to think about it before my stomach started to twist and turn again. I took deep breaths, closing my eyes. At that moment, nothing else mattered besides keeping myself from puking all over everything. I'd already emptied my stomach before coming down so there shouldn't have been anything left, but I wasn't going to take that chance.
In and out. In and out. I repeated those words over and over again in my mind, fighting to keep from being sick. After a few minutes, I was able to get myself somewhat under control. I was still a bit queasy, but at least I wasn't on the verge of ruining the pretty white table cloths.
The food smelled absolutely delicious and the few bites I had tasted divine. I wasn't sure if Christian's mother had cooked it all or just supervised, but I'd have been more than happy to have grown up eating food that good! With my stomach in the shape it was though, I couldn't risk eating more than a little bit. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to run to the bathroom again, and I wanted to mitigate the damage as much as possible.
Just as I'd predicted, I only managed to go about an hour before I had to quickly excuse myself from the table. Once I was out of the room, I ran as quickly as I could to the nearest bathroom. For once, being awestruck over the size of the house had worked in my favor, since I'd memorized each room I'd gone passed.
After emptying my stomach into the toilet again, I washed my face and tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. I'd been having such a good day. Spending time with Christian and Holly while learning to ride Blacklight. Listening to Christian and Aspen bicker like they were children again. Just seeing the happy family, how they cared about each other.
For a little while, I'd been able to pretend my world wasn't going straight to hell. But each time the sickness hit, it just reminded me of all the challenges I had ahead of me. It reminded me that I would never have a picture perfect life like this family. My parents had worked their asses off so I could have a better life than they'd had growing up.
And I'd worked my ass off in school and out of it to build up a better life for myself. But it looked like none of it would matter. Once the baby was born, I doubted I'd ever be able to afford more than the one bedroom apartment I was currently in.
But as I splashed water onto my face again, I refused to give in to the part of me that just wanted to breakdown and cry. I was better than that, I told myself. I wasn't going to let any of it get me down. And, at the very least, I was not going to have a complete breakdown in the middle of Christian's brother's wedding rehearsal.
I would wait until I was safe and sound back in my tiny apartment, where no one else would be able to see me.
When I walked out of the bathroom though, my heart nearly stopped beating.
