“I think we can handle that.” Mamm’s eyes twinkled the same way they had when Hannah had come home. Suddenly Tillie felt horrible about leaving in the first place. She had made such a mess of it all.
Tears rose and blurred her vision. Tillie blinked them away.
Mamm took Tillie’s face into her hands and looked into her eyes. “This is a happy time,” she said, her voice firm. “We’ll have none of that.”
“Right.” Tillie sniffed. She wouldn’t cry. Not tonight, but she knew there were a lot more tears in her future.
* * *
To say the house was full was an understatement. It seemed that wherever she stood, she was surrounded by babies, children, or siblings It was a warm feeling for certain, and one that she hadn’t felt in a long, long time.
With so many people in one house, there was no eating around the table. Libby made Mammi a plate and took it into her room. Jim and Anna’s youngest son, Samuel, followed closely behind with his own supper. A couple of years ago, he had gotten “lost” and ended up in Mammi’s room. He’d only been two at the time and hadn’t realized the stir he had caused when he disappeared. Hadn’t known that the entire family was looking for him. But ever since then, he and his great-grandmother had had a special bond.
Even with two tables, one in the dining room and one in the kitchen, a third table had to be set up for the smaller kids. And still that left the teens to find their own place to eat. Brandon, Shelly, Joshua, and Libby took their plates into the living room, leaving the adults at the two tables. In typical Amish fashion, the women ended up at one table and the men at the other.
Tillie didn’t mind. She would have loved to talk to David a little more, but the men being in the other room meant her father took his disapproving stare with him. Abner Gingerich was a good man. He provided for his family and always had. He worked hard, feared God, and walked the line. But he was Amish through and through. He hadn’t said as much, but Tillie knew: he was ashamed of her and her actions. The worst part of it all was there was nothing she could do about it. The rules were the rules and she had broken them. She was pregnant and soon to have a baby. She wasn’t married, and she couldn’t bring herself to apologize for her situation. Somehow this child she had never met had become so important to her. She couldn’t call it a mistake. If her having a baby was part of God’s will—and how could it not be? God controlled the world—then how could His will be a mistake?
“Don’t you think, Tillie?”
“Huh?” She looked up at Hannah, realizing only then that she had been daydreaming at the table.
“I told you she wasn’t paying attention.” Leah pointed her fork at her sister.
“What?” she asked. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t hear.” Far from the truth, but she certainly couldn’t share her thoughts with them.
Then who can you share them with?
“I was just telling Leah and Gracie that since the weather is supposed to be cooler next week, we could mix the lotions here in the house.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Leah countered with a shake of her head.
“But if we don’t make some more soon, we won’t have enough to fill any after-Christmas orders.”
“Will there be many after-Christmas orders?” Gracie asked.
“Yeah,” Leah said with a grin and a nod.
“Your sisters and cousin have made quite a business for themselves while you were away,” Mamm said, directing her speech at Tillie. She said the words as if Tillie had merely been on some sort of mission trip and not off consorting with the English.
“Jah?” She looked from Gracie to Hannah and Leah. Her older sisters might be twins, but they were about as different as two women could be. Hannah had brown hair and hazel eyes, much like Tillie’s own. Leah was the true beauty in the family, with her dark, dark hair and green eyes. And they had each been through so many different life experiences. Both had left the Amish long ago. Leah had soon after joined the Mennonite church, while Hannah had married a wealthy Englisher. A couple of years ago Hannah had returned, widowed and broke. But her story had a happy ending when she reconnected with her longtime love, Aaron Zook, and now they were married and raising his three children in the Amish way.
She had tried to tell her, Tillie thought. Hannah had tried to tell her that the English world was hard, but Tillie had foolishly thought that she and Melvin would have it different than Hannah had. After all, she and Melvin had each other. So much for that theory.
Gracie gasped and her eyes went wide. “You can join the business now that you’re back.”
She started to protest, but Leah interrupted. “Don’t even say that you can’t. We have so many orders for Christmas that I even have Brandon and Shelly working on them.”
“If you want me to,” Tillie murmured.
“Not officially, of course.” Leah gave a wink. “But as long as you’re here, I see no reason for you not to help.”
This might be the hardest part about coming back, the love and welcoming. For she knew it would be short-lived. She expected nothing less from her family, but it was hard all the same.
The rest of the community wouldn’t be so easy. That was why she was waiting until after the baby was born before she told everyone that she wasn’t staying. She figured Mamm had already worked that out for herself. But Tillie needed some time with her family. Despite the fact that she couldn’t stay. Not unless Melvin changed his mind and came after her. And if
