Maybe it was just that strange connection he felt to her and Emmy, and he wanted to protect her. Like a big brother.
Jah, that’s what it was like. A big brother thing. It couldn’t be more than that. And it probably never would be. But he just wanted to make sure that Melvin made her happy. It would be a long time before Levi himself would remarry. And why that thought followed the idea of Tillie and Melvin getting married was beyond him. When he got remarried didn’t matter a hill of beans. Only that Tillie and Melvin and baby Emmy were happy.
“Danki,” she said. Though he could hear the strangled quality in her voice. Did she feel as he did, that the situation was somehow off?
No. It couldn’t be. It was turning out just the way it was supposed to be. Tillie and Melvin. They had been a thing for a long long time.
“I’m sure your mamm is very happy. And Abner.” He knew as well as any that Abner was a hard man. He was fair and he was caring, but he followed the Ordnung above all else. God was his compass. And that was just the way it was. Levi couldn’t imagine that Abner would be very flexible about a daughter coming home the way that Tillie had. He would never stop loving her, but there were some things that were harder to accept. Melvin marrying Tillie would correct all that, and over time he could be just a father again.
“They’re happy.” But she didn’t sound happy about that.
He wanted to ask more, but Hannah stepped out onto the porch, still chattering away about the benefits of whipped butter over not.
There was something more he wanted to say to Tillie, but he just didn’t know what it was. It hovered in the back of his mind like a bee buzzing around one’s head. He would reach out, trying to catch it, but it would slip away, only to return a moment later to start the process all over again.
She turned to him and gave him a pretty smile. Her hazel eyes twinkled. She would be happy. Melvin would make her happy, and that was all that mattered.
“Merry Christmas,” she said.
He cleared his throat, doing his best to talk past the lump there. “Merry Christmas,” he returned.
* * *
“Are you okay to walk down to the house by yourself?” Hannah asked as they turned down the lane leading to the Gingeriches’.
“I’m fine,” Tillie said. The exercise would be good for her. She was still a little sore, but that was to be expected. It had only been a couple of weeks since she’d had the baby. But as they pulled closer, they noticed that someone had moved the tree from the road. Not all the way, just pushed to the side enough that a buggy could get past. And that meant one thing for certain. The bishop was coming.
Tillie’s heart thumped in her chest. It was to be expected. It would be uncomfortable and even hard, but they would get through it. She and Melvin because they had been a team from the get-go. They were parents now of a beautiful baby girl. They had shared a lot together out there in the English world. But thankfully, thankfully, they were returning home. And it would take a while to smooth out all the rough edges of the mess they had made, but soon, so very soon, they would be living the life they had dreamed of for so long. The thought should have been comforting, but somehow it felt almost impossible.
And for the life of her she couldn’t figure out why.
* * *
“The bishop’s coming to dinner tomorrow,” Mamm said over their evening meal.
Tillie lost her grip on her fork, and it clattered to her plate. She shouldn’t be surprised; she had known it was coming. But somehow it all seemed a little shocking as well. Tomorrow.
“Are you okay?” Melvin asked. He had been the epitome of gentlemen, a caring, loving father.
“Jah,” she said.
The bishop was coming and that meant that sometime before the beginning of the year, she and Melvin would make the trip back to Columbus. They would get their things from the apartment they had shared and close off what they had of an English life. Then hopefully by January they would be able to start their new life together.
The life she had always dreamed of. So why wasn’t the thought as reassuring as it should have been?
She couldn’t answer that question. The more she thought about it, the more it made her head ache. So she pushed the thought away and concentrated on her supper. But soon, very soon, she was going to have to figure out what it all meant.
* * *
“What are you doing out here?” Melvin asked. “It’s cold.”
Tillie pulled her blanket a little closer around her as she rocked the porch swing with the heels of both feet. “I’m warm enough. I just needed some air.”
“Why do I feel there’s something more?” Melvin asked. He shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way over to her. She stopped the swing so he could sit down beside her.
“I don’t know. It’s just a lot of changes right now. I think that’s all.” And hormones. They seemed to be getting the best of her on a regular basis these days.
“Tillie, we’ve known each other all our lives. Why are you picking now to start lying to me?”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t even,” he said with a shake of his head.
She exhaled, relaxed her stance, only then realizing how tense she had been. She had been lying. Lying about a lot of things. The truth was she did know what she wanted, but it was something she knew she couldn’t have.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But I don’t think I can marry you.”
Melvin drew back a bit. “Maybe we should have
