“It’s the way you wrote it, and how he wrote it too.” Clay moved his hand, erasing the reality around us. We were surrounded by darkness again, in the dark place. Clay snapped his fingers, and portals began forming all around us. As I looked around, each portal visualized a memory I had written in the journal. One portal showed Grampy and I at Cape Forchu; another showed all of us sitting around a Christmas tree; another showed the first time I had met Clay. Long buried, they were all coming back to me.
For the first time in my life, something was beginning to make sense. I had never understood Clay’s powers as much as I wanted, but something clicked. he created the memories as we remembered them, as they were written. I could talk to Grampy in mine, because it was my memory. I could also just observe if I wanted.
“You held on to all of this for so long,” I said, as much with wonder as with sympathy.
“You created me to be your friend, but over time I grew into the keeper of these memories. Along that journey, I carried yours, but I also found Rudy’s.”
“I want to see more.” I said. My eyes couldn’t stay off the portals. I knew Grampy was a man full of secrets, but I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to know who he really was. I wanted to know it all. I spent so much of my life living in the dark, and these memories brought light to a tangible history I could unravel. One that could make me feel complete. One that could solve my own mysteries.
“This isn’t a process we can rush, Anna.” Clay’s voice filled the air as the portals faded. “We take it slow, and on my terms, okay?”
I knew there wasn’t any other way. So I said, “Okay. Your terms. We do this your way.”
There had to be more about my father, there had to be more about Grampy…and I felt so close to understanding all of it.
“In the meantime, I just wanted to get you away from all that,” Clay continued. “It sounds like you need a friend right now,” he repeated as we faded back to the reality of the tree house.
“I do,” I agreed. And without hesitation I embraced him in a hug and he hugged me back. I was glad he was around. Clay meant the world to me, and I was never going to let him go again.
Chapter 10
Taz relaxed on my lap as I rehashed the argument with Tia. It was an in-service day so I was hanging out at her place. I wasn’t in the mood to be home.
“It sounds like you and your mom really got into it.”
“Yeah, it felt good to say all of it in the moment, but now I’m just down about it. I avoided her this morning.” The morning after an argument is always awkward. I wish I could say that it didn’t happen a lot, but it did. Maybe not to the degree of the night before, but Mom and I didn’t say a word to each other that morning. I tried to get out of the house without her seeing me, but I know she did. I’m pretty sure she gave me the benefit of the doubt, though. I’m sure she didn’t have much to say to me either. I was okay with that.
“I think she’s trying her hardest.” Tia looked up at me. Tia was always good at seeing the other side of the argument. Empathy was her strong suit, but I didn’t want to hear that right now. I kinda just wanted my own feelings to be validated.
“Maybe. But I’m done just being someone whose sole purpose is to exist in her world.”
“Fair enough.” Tia was quiet for a minute and then said, “Listen, you didn’t reply to my text.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just needed to get away.”
“No,” Tia cut in. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be on your back about school. I know you’re going at your own pace, and it shouldn’t matter where you go. And I guess being in a building surrounded by pictures of your grandfather doesn’t help.” She paused. “Sorry—”
“No.” It was my turn to cut in. “That’s exactly it. Mom doesn’t understand that. I’m surrounded by the person I’m trying to grieve. The giant photo of him in the lobby, the notes on his classroom door, the way students and teachers always speak about him, and how they just see me as his granddaughter. ”
“That must be…awful. I’m sorry, Anna.”
“I learned some things about him, y’know,” I said. I knew I shouldn’t have said that, but I needed to vent.
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
I guess there wouldn’t be any harm in telling her about his journal entries, as long as I didn’t mention Clay.
“He had his own set of entries in the journal he gave me. I found some old entries of his; one that really stood out to me was when he found out about my mom being pregnant.”
“Oh shit.” Tia dropped the CD in her hand. “What did you find out?”
“That Mom ran off for three days. She was scared, worried about my grandparents’ reaction.”
“Damn.” Tia thought for a moment, then continued: “I would be worried too, though. It’s kinda weird thinking about our parents being vulnerable, huh?”
It was. Mom always seemed like she had everything together. But seeing her sitting with Grampy in the truck, screaming and crying, made me realize that parents are only human. And, honestly? Seeing that changed me. My memories of Mom were of her always knowing exactly what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. But in that moment she had been lost…just like I feel a lot of the time. Maybe, I thought, she doesn’t always have it together. Maybe, like everyone else in this world, she’s growing as we spin along with it.
“Did you learn anything else?” Tia
