“Seems he agreed to our proposition.”
Chapter 8
Tillie quaked as Father led her into theparlor. “Matilda Jane, your rebellion must stop. I don’t understandwhat’s gotten into you, child. You’ve never spoken to Mother or methe way you did the other night. First, your disgraceful outburstover Lady, and now, Mother tells me there’s no point to Biblestudy. Explain yourself.”
Tillie shifted. “I just—I…” Why did shealways stammer so when he scolded her? She raised her shoulders tothe level of her ears and dropped them. She fought back a surge oftears. She didn’t like him unhappy with her. If only the floorwould swallow her. “I’m sorry, Father. Sometimes I get frustratedbecause I don’t understand how these things can happen.”
“What don’t you understand?”
She played with a crease of her skirt. “Idon’t see what good can come of war. Why do men do these things toone another?” Her heart hammered her chest, and her fingers shookas they fiddled with a pleat. Still, she rushed on. “I don’t acceptGod wants us to kill each other and treat people so badly, yet wedo. Why did George have to die? We all will someday, but why him?Why so young? Doesn’t seem fair! Why does He let these thingshappen and not do something?” Her words came out in a rush, like aburst dam.
“Well.” Father cleared his throat, adjustinghimself in his seat. “Where do I start? How about we take them oneat a time, shall we?”
She stared at him, wary. “I’m not introuble?”
“No. Not when you express what’s in yourheart if you do so in a non-rebellious way as you’ve just done.When you misbehave, yes, you are.”
Tillie released her breath in a huff of air,but suppressed a relieved smile. He wasn’t mad at her.
“War is a terrible thing, you’re right.” Heplaced his elbows on his knees. “But some wars, like this one, arerighteous. Even the Old Testament talks about war. Look at Davidand Goliath.” He searched her eyes. “It’s hard to see, in the midstof it, what good can come of hostilities. I think our country willcome out the better for this particular one. I can’t say how Iknow, because there’s nothing to base my reasoning on.” He took adeep breath. “I pray slavery will be abolished forever, and whenfree of that sin, we will become the God-fearing nation we can be.”He took her hand in his scarred one.
Tillie studied his shortened finger.
“You’re also right, God doesn’t want us tofight each other, but that’s what our sin does. We have free will,coupled with a state of sin that only faith in Jesus Christ canhelp us to overcome.”
She whispered the words, mulling them over.“Is that why, even though I try so hard to be good and obey you andMother, I still get in trouble for misbehaving? Because of mysinful state?” She turned frightened eyes to her father.
He took a long time to respond. He rubbed thetop of her hand with his. She watched the play of his white cottonshirt across his broad shoulders and arms.
He sat back, releasing her hand. “Yes, butit’s what’s in your heart as well. For instance, every time youreact with frustration when Sam asks for help with his studies,your sinful nature shows. You give willing assistance in the end,but always at first, you grumble and complain. Another example isthe expression on your face when Ginny hollered over at us. I mustconfess shock over the hatred you displayed.”
Tillie wrinkled her nose. “I don’t like her.I don’t know what happened between William and her, but I’ve notliked her ever since.”
“What happened between them is William’saffair, not yours. She wasn’t right for him, and he cut off anyfurther interest, lest she get the wrong idea. Her behavior overthe entire matter was most unkind, but it doesn’t concern you.Ginny needs our prayers, not our enmity.”
“It does when she tries to get us—Mother—intotrouble with the Rebs.” Tillie heated up, more words rushing to hertongue.
“No, it doesn’t.” He cut her short and pattedher hand. “That concerns your mother and me. Now, I thank you forbeing so willing to come to our defense, but it isn’tnecessary.”
Tillie twisted her cotton skirt. “What aboutGeorge?” Emotion choked her voice.
“A terrible tragedy, my dear. I’m gratefulyou’re grieved about it. I had the impression you didn’t like himmuch. He was a God-fearing man who’s in heaven now. I’m as certainof that as I am sitting here talking to you.”
“How do you know heaven and hell exist?You’ve never seen them. He hasn’t come back and told us.”
“Through faith. Remember, Hebrews eleventells us ‘faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidenceof things not seen.’”
Tillie’s brow creased. She opened her mouthto ask another question, but someone pounded on the front door.
Father sat back. “Answer the door.” His voiceshook. He rose from his chair and tugged on the bottom of hiswaistcoat.
Tillie answered the door. MargarettaKendlehart stood on the step, her hand raised to knock again.
A blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl, no olderthan fourteen, glanced around her as though afraid of being caught.“Hi, Tillie. Is your father home? My father wants me to deliver amessage.”
“Come in.” Pulling the door wide, Tillie ledtheir guest into the parlor. Father greeted Margaretta Kendlehartand helped her to a seat. Tillie left to find Mother.
“Mother, Margaretta Kendlehart is downstairs.She has a message for Father from Mr. Kendlehart.”
Mother’s eyes widened, and her brows cametogether in a scowl. She looked at the floor as though able to seethrough the floorboards to the parlor. Then she drew a deep breaththrough her nostrils. She rearranged her face and forced anencouraging smile. Replacing her pen in its holder, she picked upher papers and tapped them together against the desk before placingthem to one side. Rising, she smoothed her dress.
Tillie breathed in the scent of lemon verbenasurrounding her mother. She gave Mother a genuine smile.
Mother kissed Tillie’s forehead, then wentdownstairs.
Should she follow, or did this not concernher? She followed. Maggie and Sam stood inside the sitting roomdoor, listening to the conversation in the parlor. Tillie joinedthem.
“…Fears the rebels reconsidered the offer.General Early sent a courier
