After they sang the opening hymn, Tillieseated herself and picked up a pew Bible prepared to do battle withthe text.
Reverend Bergstrasser, hands clasped in frontof him, climbed the podium with slow, deliberate steps and turnedhis solemn face to the congregation. “Please turn to Matthew,chapter ten.” Even in giving instructions, he soundedmonotonous.
Tillie sighed and opened the Bible.
After the reverend’s opening remarks, shedrifted off, back to Friday’s exciting events. Her heart raced withthe recollection. Now with the danger passed, she found thesituation exhilarating. The only pain was the loss of Lady, and sheprayed they didn’t mistreat her.
Reverend Bergstrasser slammed his fist on thepodium, and Tillie jumped. She shifted in her seat and glanced overto Father. He stared at her. Shifting again, she held the Bibleclose and turned her face to the preacher.
“This terrible war has seen much death anddestruction.” The reverend flung his face heavenward, armsoutstretched. “And it seems the hostilities are about to visit ourquiet corner of the world. Remember.” He faced the congregation,slamming his fist again. The thud reverberated through the churchand echoed off the walls.
Tillie’s hand went to her throat as though tostifle an exclamation of surprise.
The reverend’s face took on a dull red cast.His chest began heaving, and his words shot forth like cannonballs.“We-need-not-fear-death-if-we-have-life-for-we-will-have-life-everlasting-when-we-die.”
What in the world did he mean, and how didone write an essay on this sort of nonsense? When you die, you die.If you have life and you die, you no longer have life, never mindeverlasting life, so…Tillie sighed and clenched her fists.
“I beseech you to pay special attention toverse twenty-eight.” Reverend Bergstrasser flipped a couple ofpages of his Bible. “Read with me, please. ‘And fear not them whichkill the body, but are not able to kill the soul; but rather fearhim which is able to destroy soul and body in hell.’”
Oh mercy. Tillie closed her eyes, shook herhead, and gave up trying to comprehend.
The good reverend’s voice intoned on, “Thesepoor misguided men who came to our country thinking to make war onus, they do not understand they can kill our bodies, but theycannot damage our souls. Only our Heavenly Father can destroy ourbody and our soul in the pit of hell, reserved only for those whodo not believe in Him. So fear not the Confederate Army.” ReverendBergstrasser shouted the words fear not, and Tillie jumpedagain.
She scowled and curled her hands intofists.
“God is in control of what will happen andnot for us to know what the future holds. Attend to the state ofyour soul. If your faith is strong, all the Confederates can do iskill your body. They cannot damage your soul. If you are withoutfaith the Confederates can kill your body, but Goooooood will damnyour soul.”
Tillie ignored the rest of his words and readfurther down the passage. Her heart leaped into her throat at thewords before her. “Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men,him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. Butwhosoever shall deny me before men, him I will also deny before myFather which is in heaven.” Her pulse pounded so hard the rhythmechoed in her neck. Would God damn her soul? Would Christ deny herbefore God? She recalled a picture in the family Bible showing arendition of hell. All kinds of weird creatures and humans fellinto a pit of fire while Lucifer danced around the rim in triumph.Did that await her if she denied Christ before men? Despite theheat inside the church, goose bumps pimpled her arms as sheshivered.
She came back around as the congregation rosefor the closing hymn, “Am I A Soldier Of The Cross?” A popularsong, but today, the words held special meaning as they pricked herconscience.
“Am I a soldier of the cross?
A follower of the Lamb,
And shall I fear to own His cause,
Or blush to speak His Name?”
Tillie cringed. All around her faces raisedin worship as they sang.
“Must I be carried to the skies?
On flowery beds of ease,
While others fought to win the prize,
And sailed through bloody seas?”
She closed the hymnbook and placed it in therack. Maggie gazed heavenward, full of rapture. Why didn’t thatever happen to Tillie? What did it mean “to be carried to the skieson flowery beds of ease”? Could she fight to win the prize? Did shewant to sail through bloody seas? Until a few months ago, she neverquestioned her parents’ beliefs in God and eternity, but now…shebit back tears of utter sadness as a sense of desolation swept overher. She gripped the back of the pew, bent her head, and wiped herface, making it appear as though she removed a speck in her eye—orperhaps a log? She glanced at the rest of her family, but theyconversed with friends. She went unnoticed.
Tillie filed out of the church silent,thinking.
Father shook hands with the reverend andpraised him for his rousing sermon. Tillie murmured her thanks andbid him farewell.
As they descended the steps, Father slippedhis hand through Mother’s elbow. Then he led them back home. TheWinebrenners joined them, chatting as they walked.
Mrs. Bergstrasser called out from her frontstep. “It appears they’ve left, do you think?”
“I hope so.” Mother put her palms together asthough in prayer. “What a dirty, filthy looking set! One can’t tellthem from the street!”
The women laughed.
Father jerked Mother’s elbow, cutting hershort. “Be careful! One is at our curbstone, right in front ofus.”
“Oh my.” Mother spun toward him covering hermouth with her hand and hiding her face in his arm. “I didn’t seehim!”
A young boy, a few years older than Sam,knelt on one knee tying a shoe not worthy of the name. As he pulledthe laces tight, the pink side of his foot showed between theseparated sole and upper. In some spots, on his patched overbreeches, his patches had patches. His pants may once have been adistinctive color, but no more. By contrast, he wore a brand-new,bright-red cotton shirt and a gray waistcoat two sizes too big forhim. He tucked the shirt into his breeches, which still billowedover his waist as he bent to tie his shoe. The tails of thewaistcoat trailed along the stones, and the boy pressed his arms tohis
