She pulls back slightly, resting back on her heels. She picks up one of her shirts, stuffing it into her bag. This time her shoulders fall in defeat. “I can’t,” she chokes out. She’s on the verge of telling me, the words sitting on the tip of her tongue. I can feel it. Instead, she decides against it. “I don’t know who did.”
“You’re lying. Don’t you realize how hypocritical you sound?”
She stares at me, her eyebrows knitting.
When she stays silent, I answer the question for her. “You’re accusing me of being the one who’s keeping secrets when you have them too. I’m the one who’s having this affair with Natalie, destroying our marriage, right? But you’re a liar too, Lena. You don’t think your secrets haven’t been hurting me too? You don’t think that every day I look into your eyes that it doesn’t feel like you’ve stabbed me in the chest, knowing you’re pretending as if you’re okay?”
“Don’t turn this around on me, Logan.” She shakes her head. “You have no idea the kind of damage Julian did. You have no idea how hard it’s been to move on from a relationship like the one we had. He damaged me, left me broken in ways you can’t see. And ripping us away from Providence wasn’t going to make it vanish. You have no fucking clue the things he did to me. I can’t simply unpack this baggage.”
“Wow.” I stand back, stunned. “You think you’re alone in this, don’t you?” I challenge her, stepping closer to her again, feeling the muscles in my jaw tic. My face is within inches of hers, the scent of her invading my space. “You think you were the only one who suffered at the hands of Julian? He nearly killed me, Lena. There are scars forever imprinted on my body because of what he did. Every time I look in the mirror, I’m forced to remember how his fist felt against my skin and bone. And every time I look at my reflection, I see a man different than the one I used to know. Or have you conveniently forgotten that part?”
“Of course, I haven’t forgotten.” Her jaw tenses, her eyes widened. Behind the anger, I can tell I’ve wounded her more than she already is. My chest pricks with pain, knowing I’m the cause of it.
I stare into her eyes once again, hoping she’ll finally tell me the truth.
“Who sent you those pictures Lena?” I ask again.
Our voices are smaller, quieter. The flames of our anger gradually turning into smoldering embers.
A tear slips from her eye, trailing down her wet cheek. “Knowing the person who sent the pictures doesn’t change the fact that there were pictures to begin with. Whether I can believe you or not, it doesn’t change how bad this hurts. It doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been with another woman. I may be struggling with my own demons, Logan. But I never cheated on you. I never hurt you the way you’re hurting me now.” She bends over, tugging her phone charger from the outlet beside her nightstand, adding it to her already full bag.
“Lena, just stop.” I reach out, wrapping my hands around hers, begging her to stay. “We need to talk about this. I’m your husband, this is what married couples do. They work these things out.”
“I just...” She shakes her head, her hair swaying with her movements. “I don’t know,” she sighs, her breath catching.
“Stay here. I’ll sleep on the fucking couch if you want me to. I just need to know you’re safe.”
“I think I need some time. Time to think about this.” She slides her hand out from mine. “I’ll be safe if I’m at Abby’s.” She zips her bag shut, slinging it on her shoulder. “I’ll text you when I get there.”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. Instead, she simply turns to walk out of the bedroom. I follow her out and down the stairs, watching helplessly as she unlocks the security alarm and closes the door behind her.
I want to beg her to stay. To keep fighting for her. Even taking us yelling at one another if that’s what was needed for her to listen.
But I don’t, knowing I need to give her the space she says she needs. I was stuck in a pool of quicksand, sinking fast.
I stand in our empty house, alone. The walls close in on me, swallowing me whole. Lena’s gone. I just hope to fucking hell she’ll come back to me.
Twenty
Lena
Hypocrite.
Logan had called me out, seeing straight through the mask I’d tried to put on the last three hundred and sixty-five days. There was truth to his accusation, but I couldn’t bring myself to face the reality of what was truly going on. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Logan and risk the chance of him pulling our lives apart and moving us from Seattle like he had Providence. I was a hypocrite and I knew it.
I was falling apart. The stitches I had wrapped around my broken heart were coming undone, snapping one by one.
I didn’t want to leave Logan. I wanted to believe that what he was telling me was the truth, believing he would never cheat on me. Ever since I’d met Logan, even before we fell for each other, he was the only person I could rely on besides Abby. Logan made it easy for me to fall in love with him and I trusted him wholeheartedly. Trusted that when he said he would love me forever; he meant every word. It’s one thing to be in a relationship with someone, it’s another to be married.
I wasn’t ready to let our marriage slip away so easily. I just
