WINNER OF THE DRUE HEINZ LITERATURE PRIZE
The PRINCE of MOURNFUL THOUGHTS and OTHER STORIES
CAROLINE KIM
UNIVERSITY OF PITTSBURGH PRESS
“A Change is Gonna Come” Written by Sam Cooke. Published by ABKCO Music, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
“Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)” by Bruce Springsteen. Copyright © 1974 Bruce Springsteen (Global Music Rights). Reprinted by permission. International copyright secured. All rights reserved.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. This work is not meant to, nor should it be interpreted to, portray any specific persons living or dead.
Published by the University of Pittsburgh Press, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15260
Copyright © 2020, Caroline Kim
All rights reserved
Manufactured in the United States of America
Printed on acid-free paper
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Cataloging-in-Publication data is available from the Library of Congress
ISBN 13: 978-0-8229-4648-9
ISBN 10: 0-8229-4648-3
Cover design and illustration: Kelly Blair
ISBN-13: 978-0-8229-8793-2 (electronic)
There was no way back.
There never had been.
From now on I would just live places.
CONTENTS
Mr. Oh
Arirang
King of the Gipsies
Lucia, Russell, and Me
Seoul
Magdalena
Picasso’s Blue Period
A Change Is Gonna Come
Therapy Robot
Not Usual for Korean
The Prince of Mournful Thoughts
Goodbye, Goodbye
Notes
Acknowledgments
Mr. Oh
The doctor say he no can help me. He don’t find any problem. He say:
Mr. Oh, you might think perhaps about consulting another doctor. A psychiatrist. Many times, such phantom aches and pains can be caused by stress or excessive worry. I can give you a referral if you’d like.
No, I shake my head. I know what he talking about. He don’t believe this pain in my neck. Almost, I can no longer swallow. He think I’m crazy, have some kind of mental problem. What he know anyway? Doctors, they just suppose to find place where pain start and fix it.
Two months ago this start. Sudden pain in neck. Near back on left side. Like somebody take my skin between finger and pinch. Like my older brother used do. Like I do to younger brother. Hard to move with that kind of pain. That kind enough for making stay down. Last week, two days I not get up. I stay in bedroom, watch Korean videos. Usually feel good to hear Korean language, my ear understand right away. But with painin neck, hard to enjoy. Korean sound like English, coming long way to me. It take time to travel and in meantime this pinching. This the third doctor I see. This one specialist. Always they say they can find nothing. Wife come with me but she don’t believe me either. She just trying to help me.
On way home, when wife say: What he say? I tell her he say I depress, go see psychiatrist. Wife look worry, then mad. She want to know where exactly pain is. I try to explain but car almost hit fence, so she say: Watch the road! Watch the road! I say I watching the road fine but she want me to show her pain or not? She say: You problem you nervous all the time. Never relax. I say she make me nervous asking question and then screaming when we far away from fence anyway. She just say I nervous again. I yell to wife she never support me. That why I nervous all the time. She only get quiet, watch the road.
I never nervous when I young. I don’t care anything. Now worry too much. I almost sixty. How many ahead? I think not many.
Too bad, too bad.
I know it make no sense to look too much at history, but how else we going to understand self? We are—how you say—sum of decision we make. That who we real are. How we act mean who we are. I study Kierkegaard at Yonsei University in 1957. Long time ago but coming back to me now. I remember he say only understand life backward but have to live forward. Okay, but sometime man come to place where not so much forward but much, much past. What you do with everything remember but now gone? Can’t bring back, can’t forget.
I have a conversation with Mr. O’Brien last week. He owner of two Texaco stations. Every week he bring his dirty towel from the shop. He say:
Mr. Oh, do Korean people drink as much as the Irish?
Yah, I say, even more. You people drink beer. Koreans drink soju. Stronger, I say, patting my stomach. That where it burn.
Mr. O’Brien think for a minute. He say:
Somebody told me that the Koreans are the Irish of the Orient.
You know what I think? I think Irish are Korean of Europe but he too nice, so I say Korea more like Italy. I trying to think of the word. . . . I draw with my finger on counter.
Peninsula? Mr. O’Brien say.
Yah, peninsula! Peninsula. Can be attacked from many sides. Always have to be careful. That why they have mafia. Koreans and Italians emotional too. Eating and drinking important.
Mr. O’Brien look like he don’t know what I’m talking about but he smile.
Too bad, I talking about who I am.
Then Mr. O’Brien say:
Hey, yeah, Ireland is a peninsula too.
He hit me on the arm. He say: Yeah, that’s true.
After doctor appointment, we go to laundromat. Drive by Suds-n-Things, laundromat two block away. Parking lot empty. Our place have three cars. One belong to Daisy, day-lady worker. She maybe seventy-five, look like sixty-five, act like fifty-five. She never stop talking. Strong too, lift laundry, help customer carry basket in, out, talk, smile all day.
Two dryers not working. Always some kind of problem. The change machine break too many times and people don’t close washer door tight so it leak. Sometime people put too many clothes inside, the door open by itself. Sometime people so stupid. They don’t understand
