Chapter Sixteen
Jess tiptoed to the kitchen so as not to wake Lena. The predawn light was enough to see both the living room and the kitchen were empty. Lena had cleared away last night’s dishes. Jess swallowed against the sudden dryness of her throat. How would she explain why she hadn’t returned?
But first things first. Even though she wasn’t allowing herself caffeine yet, she still liked to start the day with a hot drink. When she reached for the water kettle, it was warm. Her stomach dropped. Lena was already up and about.
She opened a few cupboards until she found mugs and a dozen colorful teas, then picked a yellow package that looked as optimistic as she’d like to feel. The scent of something fresh and sharp rose as she poured water in the cup. Ginger, nice. Maybe it would help settle her queasy stomach.
Yeah, right. Who are you kidding? Only a talk would do that. And an apology. Again. She squared her shoulders and opened the door to the porch in search of Lena.
And there she was, standing on the patch of grass in front of the porch, facing east where the sun peeked through the pines and cast long shadows. Her features were relaxed, and a serene smile played around her lips. Lips that had kissed Jess until she’d lost all sense of time and direction.
Jess took in a sharp breath. Stupid idea. She wasn’t ready to talk.
But before she could run away again, Lena opened her eyes and focused on her. She held one finger to her lips and beckoned Jess closer with the other hand.
The unease settled like leaves after the wind calmed down. Jess pulled the baby monitor from the waistband of her sweatpants and placed it and her steaming mug on the wooden railing, next to a small collection of shells and driftwood. The grass was cold but soft under her bare feet as she took her usual place at Lena’s side and greeted the sun.
An hour later, the sun had climbed above the trees and warmed Jess sufficiently that she looked forward to her now cold drink.
When they stepped onto the porch, Jess couldn’t avoid it any longer. But between their morning routine and Lena’s calm presence, her embarrassment had faded enough that she found it easier to talk. “About yesterday evening…I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Lena went into the kitchen before Jess had a chance to read her expression.
That was all she had to say? Wasn’t she mad or disappointed or maybe even glad they’d stopped when they had? Jess picked up her stuff and followed. “Okay? Are we good?”
For a second, something other than her usual calm flashed in Lena’s eyes, then her shoulders drooped and she looked down. “It was just a kiss. No big deal. I’m sorry too for crying and being needy.”
Wait, what? “Do you think that was a pity kiss?”
“Wasn’t it?” Lena’s voice was so low she was difficult to understand.
“Hell, no. I’m sorry I ran, not sorry I kissed you.”
Her eyelids fluttered minimally as Lena studied Jess for a long moment. Then she nodded. “Apology accepted. But why did you run?”
Now it was Jess’s turn to look down. “That wasn’t planned. My attraction just flared, and I acted without thinking. And it kind of overwhelmed me.” She pressed a hand to her middle as her stomach somersaulted. Usually, Jess would take back control with a sarcastic remark and a change of topic. But she didn’t want to treat Lena that way. “I…um…I’m not ready for a relationship and sex—not that I want to be presumptuous—but I’m not ready for sex right now. And yesterday I didn’t trust myself not to act on my emotions. That’s why I stayed away.”
“Thank you for explaining. And maybe it’s for the best.” Lena shrugged halfheartedly. “As much fun as sex would have been, I don’t think it would have been the wisest choice either.”
Fun. That word jumpstarted her imagination in a totally inappropriate way. Jess bit her lower lip to counter the tactile memory of Lena’s kiss.
She should be happy they were on the same page. Jess didn’t need another complication in her life right now, and Lena wasn’t playing games with her but offered her the option to move on.
A sudden urge to tackle the day filled Jess with energy. “Why don’t I make us a quick breakfast. Afterward, we can head down to the ocean before we pick your blackberries.”
“That would be perfect.” Lena smiled.
A soft sound came from the baby monitor as if Ella wanted to remind them she was here too.
“Someone else wants her breakfast. I’ll go and get Ella.” Lena pointed at the monitor. “If you want, I can feed her while you cook.”
“Um…I don’t know. Have you done something like that before?” Not that she thought feeding a baby was difficult; she was just unsure if she wanted someone else to take over for her. This was her time with Ella, the intimate moments where she watched her daughter enjoy her meal. Something she didn’t even like to share with her mom when she was around to do it herself. But as she thought about it, the idea of sharing with Lena didn’t raise any feelings of resistance. Maybe because of the longing she’d shown yesterday as she’d talked about her baby sister, or maybe because of the genuine care she expressed for Ella.
Whatever it was, Jess didn’t mind. Huh.
“Countless times with Tammy.” Lena’s sadness from yesterday resurfaced with this one name.
Jess wanted to kick herself for bringing it up again. “Great. Fine. Sure, you can give her the bottle. I’ll get it for you.” She hastened inside.
Lena went straight to Ella’s room, and Jess could hear her talking through the baby monitor. She said nothing important, but it made Jess all warm and
