“No, thanks. I better take Ella and get going. It’s late. Where’s Mom?”
“She already went to bed.” Lena pointed to the monitor. “Ella is fine, but you look as if you need a moment to regroup before you drive back.”
Jess regarded the bench next to Lena with a longing expression. “Maybe five minutes.” She sat down and rested her head against the wall behind her. She wore a dark pant suit with a light-blue collared shirt. The elegant look was hot as hell but couldn’t be comfortable. Jess didn’t seem to mind and closed her eyes.
“I’ll get you a drink and the rest of our dinner.” Lena pushed her chair back to get up.
“No, please stay.” Jess stopped her with a hand on her arm. “I’m not hungry. I had a sandwich on my way. But I could use some company.” She pulled back her hand to stifle a yawn. “Sorry.”
“Okay. But scoot over.” Lena rose and made a shooing motion with both hands. “Let me sit here.”
Jess arched her eyebrows but didn’t ask why as she moved to the middle of the bench.
“Thanks.” Lena sat and patted her lap. “Head or feet?”
“What?” Jess blinked, and her confused expression was adorable.
“Do you want to put your head or your feet in my lap for a massage? You look awful.” Lena softened the last comment with a smile, but she did mean it.
For a few seconds, Jess resisted, but then she slipped out of her suit jacket and seemed to fold into herself. She carefully positioned her head in Lena’s lap and stretched her legs on the bench that was just long enough to fit them both. Her body was still stiff, though, and her eyes were open and wide.
Lena couldn’t read the emotion that lurked behind the blue irises. She trailed her hand through Jess’s hair, gently massaging her scalp.
“Oh.” The soft sigh was halfway between surprise and pleasure. Jess’s eyes fluttered shut. After a minute, her features softened.
“Do you want to talk about your day?” Lena smoothed a persistent line between her brows. “Why are you so tired?”
“Nothing special.” Jess sighed. “A few emergencies messed up the schedule in the cath lab, so my regular program was bumped to the end and I didn’t have time for lunch. And Ella kept me awake half the night with colic.” Her eyes opened again, and she looked at Lena. “Was she okay today? Mom said she was, but I know she downplays everything so I don’t worry at work.”
“She was fine. Maybe a bit restless in the early morning, so I kept her in the wrap for a couple of hours. Afterward she was her old self.”
“Oh.” Jess frowned. “I’m sorry you had to take care of her.”
“Don’t be. I’m happy to do it. I love babies, and Ella is special. I guess she stole a piece of my heart.” A pain twisted in her chest where her heart should be. Ella hadn’t stolen a piece; she had cut Lena wide open until she was bleeding. Even though she had promised herself to take better care of her heart, another part was missing, and she wasn’t sure how much was left. And here she was, juggling with knives as she played with Jess’s hair. The effort to keep all that from showing in her expression was almost too much, but she dug out her best smiling mask from somewhere deep inside.
“Yeah, she’s like that. The little thief has a nice collection of hearts. Mine too.” Jess closed her eyes again, and some of the lines around her eyes eased as she relaxed. “Thank you.”
Lena concentrated on the slow scalp massage to calm her own racing pulse.
“Lena?” Jess’s voice was slow and dipped in honey, on the brink of sleep.
“Yeah?”
“You would be a great mom. And partner.”
“Mhm.” She couldn’t manage a real answer, but it wasn’t necessary. Jess’s breathing had evened out, and the residual tension left her body as she melted right into the bench.
Lena’s heart bled a little more as she continued to caress Jess. It would keep the wound open, but she couldn’t resist, like a bee drawn to sweetened water only to drown in the drink. She would give Jess twenty minutes to nap and herself twenty minutes to bathe in the illusion of having someone to share her life with. Then she’d wake Jess to let her go to her own condo, with her own kid, and leave Lena behind, alone.
Tuesday evening, Jess parked her car in the usual spot next to Lena’s rusty Ford. She patted the old car with a fond smile as she walked past it. When had it ceased to be an eyesore and turned into a welcome sign of coming home?
With a lightness she’d lacked all day, Jess hurried around the garage and nearly collided with Ella’s stroller. She was only able to stop in time because she wasn’t dead tired for once.
Lena gasped and clutched the bar of the stroller with both hands. “Jess! What are you doing here?”
“I live here.” Jess laughed. She’d never been happier she left the bitter version of herself so far behind that Lena would joke with her about it.
“Nuh-uh. I live here.” Lena was teasing, but the message hit home.
Jess’s laughter died. Lena was right. She didn’t live here anymore. She lived thirty fucking minutes away, alone. She swallowed her disappointment and stepped to the side of the stroller to look at Ella.
She was awake, smiling and oblivious to her mother’s inner turmoil. As always, her daughter’s innocence set everything in the right perspective.
Jess leaned forward to reach in and caress Ella. “Hi, sweetie.” She breathed in the scent of lotion and milk and let the tension drain from her shoulders. She kissed
