Tentatively, Jess reached for Lena’s arm again. This time, Lena didn’t flinch or draw back. “You can talk to me anytime.” Jess drew circles with her thumb on Lena’s skin, not knowing if she wanted to soothe Lena or herself. “What about your mother? Did you stay with her?”
Lena looked down, and her curls fell in her face, obscuring her eyes. “I’ll get sick if I remember what I did for her and how it all turned out.”
“You don’t need to talk about her. Never. But if you want to, I’m here to listen. And nothing you could say will diminish my opinion of you.” Jess meant every word. All she knew about Lena’s mother was that she was currently in prison, but it was Lena’s story to tell and had absolutely no impact on Jess’s feelings or the relationship between them.
“Another day, okay? But thank you.” Lena slid her arm beneath Jess’s fingers until their palms met, then let go before Jess had a chance to enjoy it.
The next day, Jess was clever enough to bring a change of clothes to work, so she arrived at her Mom’s place in jeans and a sweatshirt, a far better outfit for an evening walk than her pantsuit. She had returned to her condo late the night before, but every minute had been worth it. She’d fallen asleep with memories of Lena’s trust and the touch of her hand.
Lena waited for her on the patio, gently moving the stroller back and forth with one hand. Her smile held none of yesterday’s sadness as her gaze wandered over Jess’s outfit. “We’re going to the park today?”
Jess grinned and pointed at her sneakers. “Let’s hurry so we have more daylight left.”
They walked to the park in record time. Jess didn’t have enough breath for talking, but she was proud to reach the entrance without panting. Right after Ella’s birth, or even a month ago, she wouldn’t have made it.
Jess took a deep breath of the fresh air, not because she needed to but because she’d missed it. Why had she been so stubborn last weekend and stayed in her condo? “Have I told you I got rid of my living room stuff the other day?”
“Really? What did you do with it?” Curiosity lightened Lena’s tone.
“The weekend was too long. After napping with Ella on and off all day, I was still too tired to do anything on Saturday evening, so I opened a bottle of too-expensive Pinot and tried to veg on that much-too-white couch. I was so tempted to pour the glass all over it, so Ella wouldn’t be the first to spoil it. But then I took some pictures of my stuff and put it online for a ridiculous price. I guess I lost my tolerance for even one glass of wine during the pregnancy.”
“And?”
“When I woke up the next morning, I had tons of notifications on my phone. I sold everything to a nice gay couple. Couch, chairs, dining room set, even the rug. They picked it up the next day. It was all very cliché—one of them couldn’t stop crying. He was so happy to get the table of his dreams.”
“I guess they don’t have kids yet.” Lena snorted. “And now?”
“Now I have a new, colorful rug and half a dozen oversized pillows. I spread them in front of the windows, and Ella and I have been enjoying the view. I have no idea what kind of furniture I need or want. I’ll take it day by day.”
Lena studied her for a moment. The hazel eyes reflected the green of the trees around them and seemed to peel through the layers of humor Jess had wrapped around her story. “That doesn’t sound like you, to be so spontaneous without a plan. Was it difficult?”
Jess didn’t know what frightened her more, to act spontaneously or to be seen, really seen, by someone she cared for. “Yeah. I freaked myself out a little.”
“You’ll know soon enough what you want. I’m sure your gut will tell you sooner or later. Sometimes it’s necessary to tear everything down before you know how you want to rebuild.”
“Hmm. Maybe.” The notion of her internal organs making a decision without the involvement of her brain scared her a little, and she wasn’t in the right frame of mind to take care of such details as living room furniture. How could she take on the bigger decisions of her life if the idea of choosing a couch freaked her out that much?
With that uncanny ability to read her, Lena reached out to lightly touch her arm. “Jess, give yourself time. The answers to the important questions will come.”
“What questions?” Jess swallowed. They were still talking about the fucking furniture, right?
“What do you want out of your life? What are your priorities?”
“I do have a plan, just not for my furniture.” That sounded too defensive, and maybe it was. She couldn’t face this tonight. She was tired and afraid. What if Lena was wrong and she didn’t find the answers after all?
They continued walking for a few minutes until they reached the crossing where they usually turned around. Jess looked at Lena and raised her eyebrow. With a nod, Lena took a new path. The terrain was a bit rougher but nothing they couldn’t handle.
Lena bent down to pick up a pinecone that lay in her way. “When my mother had me, she was fifteen.” Her voice was quiet and calm, like a summer evening before a storm, when the birds stopped singing and the air compressed into a tight fist. “She hung around for a few months but then took off and disappeared for the next five or so years. After that, she sometimes visited, brought cheap presents like candy, and
