Jess wanted to hug her, but Lena walked a few steps to the side as if she needed a safe distance. “Were you angry with her or your grandparents?”
“When I fully realized it wasn’t a normal thing to do for a mother, I was maybe twelve or thirteen. By then, it was only Grandma and me at home. My grandpa had died a couple of years earlier. He was older.” A muscle in Lena’s cheek twitched. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she made no move to stop them. “Yeah, I was angry and disappointed and confused, and I felt adrift as if I didn’t belong anywhere. I had no one to talk to. I had withdrawn from my best friend a few months earlier because I’d started to struggle with my sexuality. I was in the middle of puberty and was having crazy mood swings.” She threw the rest of pinecone away. It ricocheted from a tree and almost hit Lena before it fell to the ground. She stared at the mangled seed for a moment, then laughed. “What a perfect lesson for anger management.”
Maybe it was inappropriate, but Jess couldn’t help but laugh with her. “True. I’ll keep it in mind.”
Lena picked up the pinecone and laid it to rest next to a tree. She whispered something Jess couldn’t quite make out, but it sounded as if she apologized. She wiped her eyes and returned to Jess’s side.
Admiration filled Jess with warmth. She could learn a life lesson or two from her. “How did you get out of your anger and mood swings? I don’t remember all of puberty, but I think I picked fights with nearly everyone who crossed my path.”
“Oh, that was your puberty persona? I guess I met her a couple of months ago.” Lena’s tone was teasing and light.
Jess chuckled. “You’re right. Let’s blame my hormones. Better than to admit I was an ass.” She sobered and looked in Lena’s eyes. “But seriously, I was an ass. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. You already apologized, and I meant it when I said I accepted it.” And Lena’s eyes confirmed it.
“Thank you.” It was remarkable to Jess how Lena didn’t hold on to anger. “So what did you do? Drink and cry?”
“I wasn’t the type to do something rash or take up drinking and drugs like my mother did when she was young. I hid in the old tree house in the small backyard and poured all my conflicting emotions into my sketches. Most of it was awful teenage stuff, but some of it must have been good. I caught the attention of the art teacher, and she helped me to focus on that. Later, that led to my application for art school and even got me a scholarship. So something good did come out of all that mess after all.”
“You had a scholarship to art school? Where did you go?”
“I didn’t.” Lena looked away and shrugged.
“Oh. Why?”
“Life. Difficult decisions. As I said, I moved in with my mother. My grades suffered, and I lost the scholarship. Then my mother needed my college fund more than I did, and I had to work to pay the bills. No time for college anymore.”
“Ah.” Jess couldn’t find anything appropriate to say. How could a mother rob her daughter of her savings, her education, her future? Anger boiled under the surface, like an earthquake about to tear open a chasm. She clenched the bar of the stroller until her knuckles shone stark white next to the black.
“Hey.” Lena’s hand stroked over Jess’s knuckles. “It was a long time ago. I’m over it.”
How could she be? But it wasn’t Jess’s fight. She eased her grip and relaxed her shoulders. “You’re a more forgiving person than I am.”
“I’m not so sure.” As if talking to herself, Lena’s voice was low. She didn’t elaborate.
Silence enveloped them as Jess replayed the conversation in her mind. Lena’s inner strength was amazing, but it had come at a difficult price.
With her privileged background, Jess had never lacked for a home, parents, funds for college. She’d grown up in the insurmountable security of who she was and where she belonged, believing she could do everything she set her mind to. And the first time something hadn’t gone as planned, she’d completely dissolved in anger and insecurity.
Jess stopped and looked at Lena. “Do you want to go back or walk a bit more?”
“You want to drive home?” Lena’s eyes were red-rimmed but free of tears for now. Her lips lifted in a serene half smile, and her gaze moved over Jess as if searching for something.
Home? Jess had no idea where her home was anymore. She should turn around and leave, drive to her condo like the independent adult she pretended to be. But she wasn’t in the mood to face the emptiness tonight. It was getting late, and it would be much better for Ella if she let her sleep here. Her mom wouldn’t mind, and she’d save an hour tomorrow morning. And she could prolong her walk with Lena. But that wasn’t why she was staying. Walking was healthy for her since she’d spent all day sitting behind her desk talking to patients and scheduling interventions. Staying was the responsible thing to do. “No. I thought… It’s better for Ella to stay here tonight instead of driving back.”
Lena tilted her head to the side and did that thing again where Jess felt as if she read her mind. Whatever she found in there, it made her smile.
Chapter Twenty-One
The parking spot next to her Ford was still empty, like a half-finished picture. With a sigh, Lena pushed the stroller
