Lena’s brow furrowed, and her hand was shaking. “I’m not sure what you’re saying. You want to hire a nanny?”
“Exactly! I want to hire a nanny. But not anyone. You.” Jess beamed, expecting Lena to smile back.
But she didn’t. Lena showed no reaction, not even the tiniest smile. It was as if her face had been frozen. Maybe she hadn’t understood what Jess was saying.
“It would be perfect.” Jess squeezed her hand. “You could do a job you cared about instead of being my mom’s assistant. And you would save on living expenses. You’d be out of debt in no time. And you could make a career out of it, attend some courses on the weekend, get a certification or something. I would pay for it.”
Lena blinked, but her frown didn’t lessen. “You want me to be Ella’s nanny? You came up with this brilliant plan, and now you thrust it on me?” Lena’s voice got louder with each word. She jumped up and shook off Jess’s hand. “Without asking for my opinion, you plan out my life, my career? And why? Because it would make your life so much easier.” Her eyes blazed. “I’m not obligated to make your life less complicated.”
No, Lena had it all wrong. This was the perfect solution for both of them. Why couldn’t she see it? “It’s not for me. Well, not just for me. We would both profit from it. And we could live together. Wouldn’t it be great to spend more time together?” Jess hadn’t even considered the last part before she spoke it out loud, but as she said it, she knew it was important. Maybe as important as the rest.
“I won’t be Ella’s nanny. Been there, done that. And my career and debt aren’t your business. Where I work, what I earn, and how I pay for my life might not be up to your standards, but I’m in control. It’s my life, my decision. And Jess…” Lena looked her up and down with an expression as if she’d stepped into a pile of shit. “Don’t ever again suggest paying me to spend time with you.”
Lena strode away and closed the door behind her. The lock snapped into place like a slap.
“Fuck!” How could everything have gone so wrong so fast?
Jess rose and picked up the baby monitor with trembling hands. Should she follow, talk this out? No. She wasn’t quite sure what she’d done this time to fuck it all up, and she needed to give Lena’s words some serious thought. That would leave Lena some time to cool down, and then she’d talk to her again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lena’s car groaned as it fought with the last steep stretch of road and sighed as they reached Maggie’s driveway as if it knew it would now be able to rest after the hard labor. Lena sighed with it. The driveway was empty. Not that unusual for Monday morning, but all weekend she’d been dreading seeing Jess again. It was a relief to know she had at least a ten-hour respite until she came to pick up Ella.
Lena got out of the car and stretched her back and neck. She wished she had time for tai chi, but she was running late for work with Maggie.
The old couch had been uncomfortable but good enough. Lena had forgotten Rachel lived with her mother when she’d asked for a place to stay. But Rachel had invited her without question when Lena had told her she needed some time and space to think. Running away wasn’t Lena’s usual solution, but she hadn’t wanted to face Jess while she was still angry and hurt. And the distance had helped. All weekend she’d gone through the things they’d said to each other. With each statement, she’d examined the emotions rising in her and had tugged and prodded at them to see if they were hiding even deeper emotions, buried beneath the fear of getting hurt again.
Jess had made a few good points. Lena was in search of a family of her own, but that wasn’t so wrong. Didn’t everyone look for similar things? She wasn’t trying to find a replacement for her grandma and mother. She was trying to follow her own path, wherever it may lead.
Usually, it didn’t lead to deeper connections to people. Even her many friendships were mostly superficial. She steered clear of commitment because she always expected rejection. She had moved from town to town, house to house, without putting down roots. Until recently. Here, in Maggie’s garden, with her solid friendship, Lena wanted to stay.
That was the reason she had hesitated to get involved with Jess. Everything was too connected: her home, her job, her friendship with Maggie. She cared for Maggie and valued her opinion, she adored Ella, and Jess… It would be too easy to fall in love with her if Jess continued to be charming and attentive. But Jess had made it clear she didn’t think of Lena as equal. She’d mapped out Lena’s life without consulting her as if Lena wasn’t able to do it herself.
Halfway to the main house, Lena’s steps faltered as if she was wading through knee deep mud. What if Jess had talked with her mother and Maggie supported the plan? Lena couldn’t get between mother and daughter and expect to have Maggie on her side.
She let herself fall on the bench next to the path and buried her head in her hands. What had she been thinking? Tears wet her palms, and she rubbed her eyes as if that would stop them leaking.
Jess’s suggestion had been too much. It had been the situation with her mother all over again, only now
