Her heart had been pushed around so often she still felt the bruises. She hadn’t wanted to make herself so vulnerable again, but it was too late. All the women in the Riley family had found their way around her protective walls.
And now the walls crumbled all around her, burying her alive. She fought to take a calming breath, but her chest was tight as if stones crushed her. A sound, half wail, half sob, escaped her, and she pressed her hand over her mouth. She couldn’t cry now. She couldn’t break down. Stop it! Get up! But her limbs didn’t obey, their heaviness binding them to the bench like lead chains.
“Lena, honey.” Maggie slid onto the bench next to her and slung one arm around her.
Too tired to fight for composure anymore, Lena let herself be pulled into the embrace. Her tears continued to fall, streaking in hot rivulets down her face.
Maggie held her, stroking her back.
After what felt an eternity, Lena had no tears left, and numbness had replaced the pain. She freed herself from Maggie’s arms and rubbed her eyes. Her nose was stuffy, and she searched her pockets for a tissue.
“Here.” Maggie held out a handkerchief—white, with a sprig of lavender stitched on it.
Lena circled the stitching with the tip of her finger. “That’s too precious.”
“Here,” Maggie repeated and pushed it into her hand. “You’re precious too.”
That caused more tears, but Lena pressed her eyes closed to hold them back. “Thank you.” She wiped her face, blew her nose, and carefully folded the tissue to put it in her pocket. She’d wash it later. “I’m so sorry.”
Maggie shook her head. “It’s okay. Come with me. I might have what you need.” She stood and offered her hand.
Even though she didn’t want to appear needy, Lena grasped her hand like a lifeline and let Maggie lead her to the patio. The table was set for two with a stack of cinnamon buns.
“Have you had breakfast yet? I had the urge to bake this morning.” She held up the plate.
“Thank you.” Lena took the offered roll even though her stomach was too tight to eat. The warm scents of cinnamon and sugar filled the air with memories of her grandma. Instead of following her first instinct to push the memory away, Lena let it soothe her like a hug. She needed it today.
Maggie poured coffee and placed a cup and a plate in front of Lena. “I haven’t seen you this weekend.”
“I, um, I was with Rachel.” Even though she wasn’t sure her stomach was up for it, she took a bite of the cinnamon roll to gain some time.
“You don’t have to explain, but… Did Rachel make you cry, or has something else happened? Can I help?”
So Jess hadn’t talked to her mom after all. Lena wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed. She put the roll on her plate, took a sip of coffee, and grimaced. It was too bitter after the intense sweetness. “I had to think about a few things and…I think I should move out.” Now that she had said the thing she’d been dreading all weekend, she didn’t feel the expected relief. Shouldn’t things be easier once you said them aloud?
“What? Why?” Maggie seemed shocked. “Has something happened?”
“Jess and I had a couple of discussions on Friday and Saturday, and we both said some hurtful things. But some of what she said had a bit of truth in it.”
“Oh no!” Maggie grimaced. “I’m so sorry you have problems. But that’s no reason to move out. Can’t you work it out? Let me talk to her.”
Lena blinked as tears threatened to fall again. She shouldn’t burden Maggie with her mess. “No, no. It’s my problem. I got too tangled up with all of you, especially Ella. It’s better if I keep a little distance.”
“Did Jess say that?” Maggie almost growled.
“I don’t want to involve you.”
“I’m already involved.” Maggie pointed at her tear-stained blouse and sighed. “What has happened?”
“She has this plan where I should come and live at her place as a full-time nanny.” Lena tried her best to sound neutral, but she couldn’t hold Maggie’s gaze.
“Is that something you two have talked about before? Something you might want to do?”
Lena pushed the last bit of the cinnamon roll from one side of her plate to the other. There was no room in her stomach beside the rising dread. “No. I mean, I love Ella, but working for Jess, living with her as an employee? That feels completely wrong.”
“I’d say so. Not when you’re dating.”
“We’re not dating.” How could they date if they both wanted and needed different things?
“Well, whatever you call it, it’s not a work relationship, is it?”
Lena snorted. “No, not at all.”
“And let me guess, this arrangement is solving all of Jess’s time management problems? My girl is nothing but efficient.”
Despite her predicament, Lena had to smile. “The way you say girl… She would hate it.”
“She isn’t behaving like an adult recently. But I should not call her that to her face.” Maggie’s dry tone was so much like Jess’s that it left no doubt where her daughter had got it from.
“Probably not.”
“But back to your problem. What you said so far was she offered you a job and you declined. That’s hardly a reason to despair and move out. So what else has happened?”
“You’re her mother. Shouldn’t you be on her side?”
“I am, but you’re my friend too, and I always want to hear both sides.
