Jess had planned to get Ella and drive home, away from Lena and her accusations. But when she saw her daughter sleeping peacefully, she changed her mind. It was late anyway. And driving while angry was dangerous. She was no trauma surgeon, but she’d seen her share of unnecessary accidents during her career. And if she was honest, she hated her empty condo. So she flung herself into her old bed and tossed and turned until she passed out from sheer exhaustion in a fitful sleep. An hour before dawn, Ella’s cries had woken her.
Now Jess rested on a deck chair, with a sated and clean Ella on her chest, both of them covered by a cozy blanket. She waited for dawn, the universal signal of a new day, a new start.
Last night’s restlessness hadn’t been conducive to logical thinking, but a realization had formed like a tiny flame growing into a signal fire. Lena was right; something had to give. She couldn’t continue with her life the way she’d planned it, driving back and forth with an unreliable work schedule.
Jess considered the problem again, and this morning the solution was obvious. She had several options: She could leave Ella with her mother permanently during the week, she could take her to daycare, or she could hire a nanny.
The first option wasn’t fair to her mom. Lena’s accusations had been over the top, but there was a kernel of truth in them. Daycare was an option, but each and every one she’d visited had lacked something. If she was honest with herself, she didn’t like the impersonal aspect of it while Ella was still so young. So number three it was.
The thought of letting a stranger into her home was disconcerting, and not only during the day but twenty-four-seven. How else would they handle the long hours or, even worse, the times she was on call? She needed someone to live with her. Someone trustworthy, reliable, honest—someone who loved Ella and whom she could stand to be around all the time. Apart from her mother, only one other person came to mind. Lena.
It was perfect. Ella sleeping on top of her stopped Jess from jumping up and pacing excitedly. Ella would get the care she needed. Lena would get a real job doing something she loved and would have enough time to sketch. Maybe she could even still work a few hours for Jess’s mom if she wanted to. She could even make a career out of nannying when Ella was older and didn’t need her anymore. Money wasn’t an issue for Jess, so she would work out a fair wage, health insurance, and maybe even send her to a few qualification courses or something. The more she thought about the plan, the more it appealed to her.
At a quarter to six, she carried the still sleeping Ella to her room and picked up the baby monitor. Hoping Ella would give her at least a couple of hours to talk to Lena, she tiptoed to her room to change for tai chi.
With her stomach in knots, Jess crossed the lawn.
Lena had already started the greeting ritual. When Jess approached, she froze for a second, then finished the movement. Without meeting Jess’s gaze, she nodded once.
It took nearly a minute for Jess to find the right stance. Wherever she put her feet, the balance was off somehow, and it was more difficult than even the first time to quell her urge to move. She’d rather talk, but she respected Lena’s need for a morning routine.
Maybe they could decorate the living room together to create a training space for both of them. For the first time in weeks, a spark of enthusiasm flickered when she thought about her condo and her life there.
The hour seemed endless. As soon as Lena bowed to the ground, words spilled from Jess like an overflowing dam. “I thought a lot last night. You were right. At least partly.”
“Good morning to you too.” Lena’s smile was more teasing than mocking and couldn’t dampen Jess’s eagerness.
“Sorry, good morning. Do you have some time?”
“Twenty minutes, then I need to get ready for the market. Tea on the porch?”
Jess had forgotten Lena still sold preserves. She would be able to give that up too. “Um, okay.” She didn’t need tea, but Lena would be more comfortable with a hot drink.
In the few minutes the water needed to boil, Jess went over her arguments again and was ready to spill the moment Lena placed two mugs between them and sat down.
But Lena beat her to it. “I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I wasn’t fair. That’s not how I want to communicate. Or how I want to be.” She shifted in her seat, but her gaze never left Jess’s eyes.
“Thank you. I want to apologize too.” The uneasiness in Jess’s stomach dissolved. They were both ready to find a solution. “You were right about some things, and I needed to hear them. I need to change something with Ella’s care, and I came up with a great solution that will solve both our problems. I need someone to take care of Ella full-time, and it can’t be my mother. I still don’t think it would age or even kill her, but you’re right. She has her own life.”
Lena opened her mouth to say something, but Jess couldn’t wait. She had only twenty minutes, and she wanted to lay out every positive argument before Lena could doubt the idea. Jess reached over the small table and took Lena’s hand. “Hear me out, please. I need someone who stays at
