“You accuse me of killing my mother?” Jess recoiled as if she’d been slapped, then she squared her shoulders and took a step forward, right in Lena’s personal space. “Just because you think you killed your grandmother doesn’t make it true,” Jess said slowly. “That’s not what causes a stroke.”
The easy dismissal of Lena’s concerns broke her last restraints. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m warning you. Everything revolves around you and your work. You think you can do your thing, and everyone has to jump and cover for you. It’s not fair to Ella and Maggie.” And not to me. Lena shoved the last thought back in the recess of her mind where it belonged. She had no claim on Jess’s time.
“My work is important. I can’t float along and hope for the best. I made plans, and I need to stick to them. My mother gets it; that’s why she supports me while I get back on track. You can’t get ahead in the cardiology department if you run home at five every day.”
Lena gasped as the meaning of Jess’s words hit her like a kick to the gut. “And you think because I don’t have a detailed plan for the rest of my life, because my work isn’t important, I can’t understand you? Who do you think you are, Doctor Riley? Do you think because you’re a cardiologist you’re the only one who knows what breaks people’s hearts?”
“What? No. I haven’t said that. I haven’t been talking about you at all.” Jess raised her hands, palms outward. “I thought we were discussing my relationship with my mom. Which is none of your business.”
“Maggie is my friend, and that makes it my business.” Why couldn’t Jess see Lena loved Maggie almost like a mother? She tried to put all her feelings into her voice to reach Jess. “If I had a family like yours, I would do everything to show my mom how much I value her. I wouldn’t disregard her feelings to follow a plan.”
“So that’s it? You want a substitute mom and suddenly you’re an expert on our family?” Jess towered over her like the statue of an avenging goddess. “I won’t apologize for taking my work seriously and having a solid plan for my future. That’s what got me this far.”
Lena’s head swam from the backlash. She couldn’t focus on everything Jess had said and latched onto the last statement. “Forget your plan for a second! If it’s so perfect, why are you so unhappy about it all? You’ve followed your plan and have all you need for a perfect life: a healthy daughter, your own condo, a job you love, a supportive mother, probably more money than you need—and you don’t value any of it.” Lena had had enough. Jess opened her mouth to reply, but she wasn’t finished yet. All these weeks she’d stuffed her frustration in a locked box, and now that she’d lifted the lid a little, everything spilled out. “Yes, you had a shitty year. Your health failed you. But what did you learn from it? Your heart has recovered, but your ego is still bleeding.”
Jess paled and took a step back. “Ego? You have no idea about my feelings.”
“How can I? You close yourself off emotionally. We’ve talked and shared quite a bit over the last few weeks, but whenever we scratch the surface, you retreat. And that’s why we’re just friends with benefits or fuck buddies or whatever you want to call it.”
“Friends? You call this friendship?” Jess gestured between them.
“Yes. I wouldn’t care what a stranger or even an acquaintance thinks of me. If you weren’t a friend, it wouldn’t hurt that you believe I only cared about Maggie because I want a substitute mother.” Lena wiped her eyes with one hand, then jerked it away and balled her hands into fists. She wouldn’t give Jess the satisfaction of seeing her cry, damn it. “And if we weren’t friends, I wouldn’t care about you. About how your work affects you and your relationships with Maggie and Ella. How it affects your health.”
Jess stared at her, lips pressed together in a thin line. Her face was flushed, but her expression didn’t give away any of her thoughts or emotions. Only her expressive eyes revealed the storm brewing inside.
She reminded Lena of the Jess she’d first met. She’d been as full of anger then as she was today and had lashed out like a trapped animal.
Lena’s own irritation and frustration urged her to do the same. But she wouldn’t. She wanted to reach Jess, not drive her away. She deliberately opened her fists and loosened her shoulders. They weren’t in a fighting match, no matter how much Jess’s punches hurt. Or how much her own punches had hit Jess already. “I’m sorry for throwing it all at you when you came home after a long day.”
A muscle twitched in Jess’s jaw, and moisture pooled in her eyes, but she didn’t say anything.
“Jess?” Lena touched her arm. The hard muscles under her fingertips vibrated.
That broke the spell. Jess grabbed the baby monitor and turned on her heel. Without another word, she stalked into the house.
Lena wanted to follow her, but instead, she packed away her sketching supplies. She cleaned the fine brushes with a bit of water, then dried them with a cloth. Meticulously, she placed each brush, pen, and pencil into its slot in her roll. The leather was worn to a perfect suppleness and frayed around the edges. Her grandma had given it to her the day she’d moved to her mother’s, and it was the only personal possession, apart from a backpack of clothes, that she’d taken with her when she’d had to leave the house because her mother hadn’t paid the bills.
Was she looking for another mother? She hadn’t thought so, but that didn’t make Jess’s statement less
