“Is everything okay? You’re frowning,” Diana said in a soft voice.
“I have trouble balancing my work life with Ella’s care. At the moment, I’m relying on my mom, but I can’t do that indefinitely.”
“What options are there?”
Holding up her hand, Jess ticked off what she had considered so far. “Daycare—haven’t found the right one yet; I want to wait until she’s a bit older. My hours are too long. Nanny—how do you find someone you can trust? And I don’t know if I could live with a stranger. My mom—as I said, I don’t want to stress her too much. And driving back and forth between my place and my mother’s in addition to the long hours isn’t ideal either.”
“What about cutting your hours?”
“Yeah, right.” Jess didn’t know if she should laugh or groan. “Do you know what would happen to my standing in the department?”
“I don’t know much about your department, but this is the twenty-first century. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I wouldn’t get scheduled for my favorite procedures anymore.” This was a fact. One of Jess’s colleagues had insisted on getting a few days off to teach at the university and that had been the retaliation.
“Maybe. But haven’t you told me your boss was desperate to get you back early? So he values your skills and might be willing to negotiate a schedule that’s better for you. You could always threaten to leave for a private practice. I’m sure there are enough that would snatch you up in a heartbeat.”
“Hm. Hadn’t thought of that.” Jess pondered for a moment as she sipped her coffee. With the loss of her self-worth during her illness, she had forgotten how much she was wanted for her skills.
“And another thing. I might be wrong here, but I suppose you’ve reached most of the professional goals you’ve set for yourself, or are you aiming for chief of cardiology?”
“No, way too much paperwork. I’d rather stay in the middle of things, doing actual work with my patients.”
“So you have a board certification in a difficult specialty, have mastered all the advanced procedures, and even specialize in a field where only a few interventional cardiologists ever succeed, right?”
“Right.”
“And you’re what, thirty-seven?”
Jess nodded, still unsure where Diana was going with this.
“Have you ever considered how little time it took to get to this position as opposed to how many more years you’ll still work until retirement?”
“Um, no.” Jess frowned.
“I’m guessing here, but it took you maybe eleven, twelve years to get where you are now after finishing med school. And you have maybe twenty-five, thirty years still to go.”
“That’s a long time.” Jess blinked. She’d never done the math before.
“Right. And what if you worked part time a few of those years? Will it really matter when you’re sixty and look back on your career? It’s not the same, but I took nine years out of my medical career to play in a band. Today I might be an old resident in my late thirties. But in a couple of years, I’ll be a full-fledged emergency physician with an added bonus of some great memories. No one can take those away from me.”
Could it be that easy? Why hadn’t she ever considered that? And wasn’t it the same with her mother? The few years in the middle where she’d stayed at home hadn’t affected her career in the end.
Diana’s phone interrupted Jess’s musings with a series of urgent beeps.
“I’m sorry. I need to go. Are you okay?”
“No.” Jess grinned, feeling lighter than she had in days. The weight that had been crushing her since she’d started juggling her life as a single mother had lifted a tiny bit. “But I will be. Thanks for the talk.”
“Anytime.” Diana hurried away.
Forcing herself not to run, Jess followed. She didn’t know if the caffeine or adrenaline loosened her stride, but she was buzzing with energy. It was still early in the morning, and it would be hours until her boss came to work. Enough time to make a list and plan the conversation.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lena sat on her porch with a glass of water she wished was wine and her sketching supplies next to her on the table. But for the moment, she ignored both. The sun was setting, and the last rays intensified the colors of the garden as if it were a fairy kingdom. Birds used the last minutes of daylight to sing or chat about their days or flirt. Whatever they were doing, it was soothing, and she wanted to soak up every second of it.
And why not? She had nothing else to do but put her feet up and enjoy. Not something she had done much in her adult life.
The last week had been an emotional roller coaster. It had started low and tumultuous with her argument with Jess, reached a high with her talk with Maggie, then another low as she confronted her anger at her mother. Or had that been a high? Maybe just a bumpy stretch that rattled her until she was sick.
Her attempt to wean herself from Ella’s company had been a definite low. She missed their evening walks, giving Ella the bottle during the day, or her snuggles and smiles. Instead she had improved her sketching since that had been the only distraction that had held her attention.
And that had led to the next high, her meeting with Joanne. She was friendly and down to earth, which was no surprise since she was Maggie’s friend. And she had seemed interested in Lena’s sketches, admiring the botanical details and her use of color. In the short couple of hours they’d spent together, she’d already provided Lena with more advice and helpful guidance than she’d ever received from anyone else. And Joanne had repeated the invitation to join her course for free.
So here she was at
