‘You see, from the first minute I met you, Miss Hope, I knew you would change me, and you have. At first I thought, Hey, I’m young, I don’t want to feel this deep, no way. I’m here in England for an adventure. I didn’t know you were my adventure. You are my all. Light, dark, laughs, worry, future, dance, sing, cry, love. All of it. Is you. Like no one else. I have found a home for my heart in you. You get me. You love me.’
‘I do,’ she whispered, suddenly feeling like a very small girl in a vast cathedral. Their air was swirling, changing direction … tug tug on the plug …
‘I know you do, and it’s given me strength to do things, to be less afraid. Truly. I thank you for that, I do. I was afraid today, this morning, when … it all went wrong, but then I looked at you, and I took my strength from you and then I could do anything. So I did. I brought this blessing back to you. It’s all for you, Hope. My Hope. You have been my Hope.’
‘Have been’? Past tense? Hope gulped. No, please.
Tug tug.
‘I want you to have everything you want and deserve, and I pray that now you have?’
She nodded, tentatively.
Tug.
‘Good. Then I’ve done what I needed to, but listen hard to me, my darlin’ one. I cannot be any further part of this. I won’t be able to do it. I can’t see Minnie’s eyes looking at me every day, knowing what I know, and not telling her. I cannot lie to her.’
Tug, the plug was out, and Hope felt her heart’s lifeblood draining away.
‘What are you saying …?’
‘I’m saying I have to go. Don’t worry, I will always keep this hidden. I will never speak about it. I will keep your secret, but I won’t keep hers, that’s between you and her and God. If I don’t see her, I don’t have to tell her. It’s up to you if you do.’
‘No. Please. Is this a choice? You or her?’
‘No. The choice is made. I go back to S’Leone. Tomorrow probably.’
‘What about your studies?’
‘I will say it’s family reasons. It’s the truth. They’ll understand. It’s only one more term; I can do it remotely from home. I’ll still graduate. But not here.’
‘Is there anything I can say to stop you? Tell me what I can say, please, Isaac!’ Hope started to weep quietly.
‘There’s nothing, Bubs. I’ve done a wrong thing and now I’m going to do a right thing. As right as I can. I know I will forever stand in need of mercy and forgiveness. I can live with that, knowing she is safe with you, and you are happy.’
Hope stood up with the baby still attached to her, and she went over to him. She knew he was a man of his word and that he would go, without doubt. He was solemn and firm.
She put her free arm around him, and he put his arms around both of them. The last time they would be together like this, a family. Minnie would miss out on so much, not having this remarkable, fine man in her life, Hope thought, and this was on her.
Isaac pulled away, and Hope saw his wet face and his trembling mouth. He attempted to say something, but it was difficult for him.
‘I will send money for her … whenever I can,’ he burbled as he climbed into his coat, his head hanging down to avoid eye contact. He stopped to touch the baby’s head one last time, and he moved towards the door.
‘Isaac,’ Hope said. He stopped, his back to her. ‘My Quiet Isaac. I don’t know a better person.’
She saw him take a huge breath in, the last where he would share the same air with them, his beloveds.
He opened the door, slipped through, and was gone.
Hope stared at the door.
It was over.
This day, where she had lost and gained and lost again, so very much.
Eighteen Years Later
Minnie could not get comfortable. Every which way she tried to sit on the sofa, it wasn’t right. She could feel that her heart was beating fast, too fast, but it had done so regularly in these past few weeks as her pregnancy progressed. She was told to expect it, that it would get more difficult. She was told to seriously rest, and that was what she was trying to do.
Lee was trying to do anything he could to help without letting her know that he was nervous. Lee told jokes when he was nervous, so Minnie knew anyway. He brought her milky coffee and kissed her gently. ‘All right, Mrs Mummy?’
‘Lee, put your pants on, for godssake!’
‘Whassya prob, girl?’ He started strutting up and down in front of her, throwing his best Jagger moves to distract her. ‘Look ’pon your hero lover man baby daddy and salivate yourself. How built and fertile am I? Poppin’ off the babies, pam pam!’
‘Stop it! I don’t wanna laugh, it hurts.’
‘Have you ever witnessed such a giant knob?’ he asked, pointing at his distinctly ordinary one.
‘Yeah,’ Minnie said, pointing at the whole of him.
‘Shut it, slag.’ Lee deployed his best cockney gangster voice.
‘Seriously, Twat, put your pants on.’
‘Just trying to give you something else to think about.’
‘I know.’
‘Fancy goin’ to the footie? Or I could take you up Asda’s. Buy some ciders? Have a fight?’
She punched his arm. He laughed, and she saw his face exactly the way it looked when she’d first met him the year before …
He was working on a building site then, near her home, and they both used to have breakfast in the same café.
Her on the way to school.
Him on the way to work.
She in grey uniform.
He in dusty plaster-splattered sweats and big steel-toed boots.
He had a
