Hope squeezed Minnie’s hand. ‘’S OK, li’l Min. ’S gonna be OK. You are mighty, don’t forget that.’
‘I bloody hope so, and I hope Bean is.’
‘Nothing’s going to worry her. Little warrior,’ Hope said, more as a wish than a certainty.
They were called into the doctor’s office, and they sat in two uncomfortable chairs opposite the very tall, smiley man.
‘Now then,’ he started. Already Minnie liked his kindliness, but she instinctively knew it was the introduction to something tricky. ‘As you can probably tell from the speed with which we’ve reacted, there is a little bit of worry around you, Ms Parker.’
‘Minnie, please.’
‘Minnie, OK,’ he continued. ‘Tell me, have you had this shortness of breath and fatigue for a long time, or just recently?’
‘Umm, well, I think it’s been forever really, but sort of worse recently. I mean, I didn’t do sports ’n’ stuff at school, I always had tired legs, didn’t I, Mum?’ She turned to Hope.
‘Yes, yes, you did.’
The doctor continued, ‘And did you see anyone about this at the time?’
Minnie looked at Hope, who appeared speechless. Eventually, Hope said, ‘No, doctor, and that’s my fault. I thought she was just not very sporty, she’s more of an arts kind of girl. Happier writing and drawing? So, no, she didn’t see any doctor. I’m sorry. I tended to her at home. I had my reasons …’
‘I’m not here to judge you, Mrs Parker,’ he said, ‘but we need to concentrate hard on your health now, Minnie, because I’m pretty sure you have something called coarctation of the aorta. It means that an important flow of the blood from your heart down to the rest of your body has become very tight, sort of pinched, restricting the blood flow.’
‘Right,’ said Minnie, in a very small voice indeed.
He continued, although both women were deep in their own respective brain fugs, trying to process all this.
‘Your heart has been working very hard,’ he said.
It was certainly working very hard right now, Minnie knew that, because it was pounding away like a jackhammer; it felt as though it was trying to exit her chest right then.
‘Poor old heart’ – he tried levity – ‘or rather poor young heart. And THAT is the reason it’s going to be all right, Minnie. You are young and strong and your heart is trying to do the best for you and now for your baby as well, so we need to give you all the support we can.’
‘OK, yes, please,’ Minnie replied in an even smaller, hardly-there voice.
‘Yes, please,’ echoed Hope, in a definitely-there big voice. A voice that she hoped would underpin all the confidence of this wonderful man who was going to save two lives if he could …
Hope didn’t want to reveal her anxiety, so while the doctor was explaining, she kept focusing on things, real things in the room, to keep her anchored.
His tatty briefcase on the floor by his desk
The pile of grey cardboard bowls on the shelf
The small yellow bin with ‘SHARPS’ emblazoned on it
His wide gold wedding ring
Minnie’s red trainers
The sun hitting the pillow of the examination bed in the corner
The pleats in the plastic curtain that goes around it
The doctor was still talking. ‘We will monitor you very closely, so that your blood pressure is managed, and so that if there WERE to be any heart failure, we could get amongst it immediately. What we want, ideally, is the least invasive process for your baby, and of course for you. You may need serial echocardios like you’ve had today, but the team will inform you of that, OK?’
FAILURE. Heart failure. The word clung to both Hope and Minnie like a burr to a cardigan.
‘Can I … go home?’ asked Minnie.
‘Certainly. We’d want you to rest as much as possible, and you’ll have direct access to me and all the guys here. We will get you through this, Minnie. Now we know what we’re dealing with.’
‘Is it going to get better, my heart?’
It didn’t escape Hope that the question was huge, on every level. Hope stopped breathing …
‘Well,’ said Dr Chandra, ‘you see this eye?’ He pointed at his right eye. ‘It’s very beady and it’s watching you very closely, and I think we will get this lovely healthy baby born and then we will think about our options when we know how your heart is then.’
He was being careful. Minnie sniffed it, and needed to know more. Now.
‘Sorry, doctor, but what do you mean, “options”?’
‘I mean that if your heart feels like it’s done its job, we can get you a new one.’
Now Hope’s heart also stopped. She was floating in limbo. What had he just said …?
Minnie managed to stutter, ‘A new one?’
‘Yes, a transplant. We can absolutely do that, but, Minnie, listen, that’s way down the track. For now, it’s working, it doesn’t know it should be easier, so it’s working hard, like it always has. No need to panic. I’m watching, OK?’
‘OK. Yeah, OK,’ Minnie replied.
Hope’s heart started again.
And breath came out of her.
The doctor continued, ‘I’ll send all this info in a letter. It’s hard to take it all in. Out of interest, has anyone else in the family ever had any heart disease, because this condition can often be inherited, genetic?’
Hope and Minnie looked at each other.
Hope jumped in: ‘Ah. You see, that’s not something we can easily answer, doctor, but I want to tell you why. Do you have five more minutes …?’
Nesting: Hope’s Flat
The next months were treading water for Hope and Minnie and Lee. The flat was their haven and their sanctuary
