“Girl, you can save all that self-help sh*t, I don’t need it. I’m rich and you’re homeless.” I wanted to claw her ratchet eyes out, but I just shook my head as I turned to leave her office.
Damn Shugga!
The fact that she could so carelessly do this to another human being spoke volumes of who she was as a person. Now I knew what my granddaddy tried to protect me from by keeping me sheltered on our farm. How was it even possible that this world was filled with people that did not consider their actions? I thought it was just an automatic thing for someone to think before they did something to someone else, hmmm… If someone did this to me how would I feel?
She had a solid roof over her head, and a business that paid her well. I guess she felt she didn’t have to think about nobodies like me, damn her. It was because of people like her and Mayor Davenport that this world was such a hideous place to live in.
I slammed out the door. Wishing I had enough strength to break it. But as I stood on the subway waiting on the train, I lost all my steam.
Oh God! I was in trouble.
What was I going to tell Shanice? She was going to put me out and I was going to end up homeless. I had gotten paid last week. Our agreement was that I pay her two hundred dollars a week which would cover my room and board. I had paid her last week, I still owed her for this week and I only had two-hundred dollars to my name. Half of that I would need for bus fare so I could get around the city for the next week trying to find a new job.
By the time I got back to her place, she was there getting ready for work.
“What are you doing here?” she asked sticking her head out the bathroom with her toothbrush hanging out her mouth. I sat on the couch holding my bag in my lap.
“I got fired.” Her eyes widen. She made a noise that sounded like ‘what’ before she ducked back into the bathroom to finish brushing her teeth.
“What happened?” She asked coming to sit on the couch next to me. As I told her what Shugga had said and done, hot tears ran down my face. She was going to kick me out. I was going to end up on the streets of New York, homeless. By the time I was finished, she was staring at me with a fascinated look on her face.
“Girl, how in the world did The Beast get a hold of you? How was it? Is he as good as they say he is?” I looked at her as if she was crazy.
“Shanice, can you focus for a minute?” I know I whined as I said that but I was so frustrated. I really wanted to scream. She blinked coming out of her imaginings.
“That bi*&%! She is so wrong. She fired you because she was jealous. Period!”
“Jealous of what?” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Jealous that you attracted The Beast and he didn’t want her old dried up a$$.”
“I didn’t mean to, I don’t know how it happened!” She took my hands in hers, shaking her head.
“It happened because you’re beautiful. Don’t feel bad. A lot more than what you did goes on in Shugga’s Place, trust me.” She sat back on the couch for a minute thinking before she looked at her watch, remembering she had been running late for work.
“I’ll think of something… sit tight.” She jumped up and put her shoes on. “I gotta go to work. Shugga is wrong for that yo. That’s alright though, we gone figure something out. But let me get out of here before she fires me too and we really be screwed.” She snatched up her keys and ran out the door.
That night I didn’t put on that big black shirt. I didn’t want to smell him. It was his fault I got fired. I threw it on the floor. I didn’t even want it in my bag. But a few hours later when I was awakened—frighten in tears, I picked it up and put it on. There were some things scarier than being homeless in New York, and Mayor Davenport is one of them.
I sat with my knees drawn up on the couch in the dark apartment. I could hear the car horns and people chatting down on the crowded street. So how was it possible I felt so alone? I had been gone away from home for two weeks, and there was no one left alive to look for me. I had no one. I felt trapped in this bubble of loneliness.
How pathetic I must be to carry everything I was in life on my back. At one time I had a home, a family, a future. What a difference a day makes. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I hugged myself in his big t-shirt. I could close my eyes and imagine that big strong man holding me, keeping me safe. But alas, that wasn’t for me, he was going on living his life and I was falling. And there was no one reaching for me.
I wanted to yell out for someone to love me! Care for me! Look at me! But alas, that wasn’t my fate. I had been born with a beauty that was cursed. That’s what the Mayor told me and I believe him. My pa-pa said because of this, I had to be alone. I had to always hide. And for just a moment I thought he was crazy, he was insane. How could someone’s looks be cursed?
It was because of my looks my granddaddy was dead. It was because of my looks I was a wanted woman, running for my life. And it was because
