I lifted my head, no longer bothering to hide the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. “It wasn’t nothing, but you never wanted the same things.”
“No, you rushed the process. You swung from impulsive to overthinking, full speed ahead to full shut down,” he said. “For the record, I did want a baby, just not on your timeline.”
“You should have told me that.”
“I tried, but you were being classic Amara, seeing everything as black and white and ignoring all the shades in between.”
We stared at each other for the longest time, all my conceptions—or misconceptions—about Kyle crowding my mind. The trouble was, I wasn’t sure which were which. The argument over starting a family had been just one of our many hurdles, even though I’d tried to understand his viewpoint. Truly, I had.
What of all that I thought to be true? Had I really been set on one path, ignoring the other half of my equation? For all of my complaints, Kyle had never been abusive or cruel; just distant and unreachable.
“You’re busy. I should go.”
Kyle rose as I did, pulling me into a tight hug. “Take care of yourself, Marmalade. Be happy. You deserve it.” He tipped up my chin and kissed me, lingering, increasing the pressure of his lips against mine.
I flattened my palms against his chest and pushed him back. “No. I’m with Jake.”
“Then I guess that’s that.” He nodded slowly, his lips twisting. “I hope you fare better with your next relationship. Maybe take the time to listen to him as much as he listens to you.”
“Yeah, thanks for the stellar advice. Maybe you should take it yourself. Or maybe just make her feel less like the invisible woman. Bye, Kyle.” I trudged into the main office.
Juliette wasn’t at her desk, so I scribbled a note on a pink sticky and tacked it to her computer screen before riding the elevator to the main floor and exiting into the pouring rain.
Was this what they called closure?
When I arrived home, I settled on my couch and dialled Beth.
“Hey, stranger,” she said when she answered. “About time you got back to me.”
“Sorry. I’ve been dealing with a crisis.”
“Tell me.”
“I signed the divorce papers and went to see Kyle. He wanted that ring back.”
She inhaled sharply. “Your wedding ring? That’s creepy.”
“No, the heirloom platinum band with the sapphire and diamonds. His mother insisted on it. She always hated me.” I said in a low voice as I paced in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, stopping to stare at the gloomy grey sky. “Though I tried to give him my wedding ring. He didn’t want it.”
“Ahhh.” The line crackled. “Why would you even offer? That sucker is worth a mint, and what would he do with it anyway? It’s gross when a guy gives another woman their ex-wife’s jewellery.”
“Dunno.” I twirled a lock of hair around my fingertip and swallowed a large mouthful of wine. “It’s ridiculously expensive, but what will I do with it?”
“You earned that ring, sweets. Anyway, it’s not like the guy’s strapped for cash.”
“I suppose. Maybe I’ll pawn it to pay those legal fees.”
“Kyle should be paying the lawyers. Jackass.”
“That’s me, Beth. He offered and stupid me, I refused. Damn. I wish I’d let him.”
“Quit beating yourself up. It’s done. Now move on.”
I refilled my glass and swallowed a large gulp. “Juliette seems to think Kyle misses me.”
“Well, too bad for him. You did the best for you. That idiot doesn’t deserve more than that.”
“Thanks. Are we on for our movie this week? I really need to get out. Jake won’t be back for a few days.”
“Jake is away a lot.”
“He’ll be back next Sunday,” I said. “So, movie?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you Tuesday.” Beth sighed. “I hope you know what you’re doing. Long distance relationships are a killer.”
“How are things with the amazing Gregory?”
“Well, amazing, of course.” She laughed. “We’ve been seeing each other almost every night.”
“I’m happy for you. Maybe it’s time for a double date. Then you’ll see Jake isn’t as bad as you think.”
“I never said he’s bad, but he’s bad for you. Widower. Lives on the opposite coast. Remember?”
Single dad. Though Beth had yet to suss out that fact. “What does Greg say?”
“About Jake? Let’s see. Jake’s a great guy. It’s sad about his wife. Greg needs to respect Jake’s privacy. So basically, he tells me nothing that doesn’t involve work. What does Jake say about Greg?”
“That Greg’s a great guy, but not much beyond that. They’re following the same playbook.”
“Ha, right? See why I’m concerned? Something dark lurks beneath the surface.”
“Nah. I’ve known Jake forever.” I glanced at my watch. “Speaking of, it’s time to call.”
“And so it begins.” Beth laughed. “See you Tuesday.”
After a quick trip to the kitchen to pour more wine, I set my laptop up on the coffee table for our nightly video chat, settling cross-legged on the couch.
“Perfect timing,” Jake said as he appeared onscreen. “How was your day?”
“Well, I did it,” I said. “The papers are signed, sealed, and delivered.”
“That’s great news.” He grinned and lifted the goblet in his hand. “This calls for a toast.”
I laughed and lifted my own glass. “How did you know?”
“Amara Grant lounging at home without her libations? Does such a travesty ever occur?” He chuckled. “To us and new beginnings.”
I tapped my glass against the screen. “To us.”
“I miss you. Only a few days, and I’ll be there.”
Always being apart was the hardest part of this for me, but still, I was all in. If I kept moving forward, things would work out. Or at least I could hope they would.
The next Saturday, I headed across the water again to have lunch with Juliette.
She waved as she wove between the tables, sporting a big smile as she arrived at the booth and set her bags on the bench.
I stood and hugged
