“Thanks, but fuck off, huh?” He tipped back his head, scrubbing at his hair. “I’m an idiot. You never loved me. It’s all about him.”
“Not true.” Ah, the pain. Unexpected, but still a genuine, honest agony. We’d shared some wonderful times, this man and I, but our inability to navigate the difficult, hurtful times defined us. “I did love you, but it’s over. Our ending has nothing to do with anyone but you and me and our mistakes. You’ll find someone better. You’re an amazing guy.”
“Sure I am. That’s why you ran.”
“No, that’s a me issue.” As I swayed toward him, my mind cleared. “It’s my fault as much as yours that we didn’t make it. My own fears stepped in and broke us.”
“Yeah, right. The typical break up line. The truth is, I’m too late. You’ve always loved him more, and”—he held up his hand—“I accepted that and took a gamble on us. One that never paid dividends, ’cause here we are.”
“Yes, with you restoring my faith in love.”
“That’s what you got out of this?” He shook his head. “You, Amara, are one of a kind. It’s really no, isn’t it?”
I smiled sadly, nodding. “We can’t be together. It’s too late.”
“Ah, if only we’d had this conversation months ago, maybe then we could have worked it out. You deserve the best. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Never settle.”
“Back at you.” I stretched to kiss him lightly, then stepped back. “You take care of yourself.” With a final wave, I turned toward Ambleside, intent on reaching my car. As odd as that encounter had been, it felt like closure on my marriage. And maybe, just maybe, the universe had prodded me with a sign. Terrifying.
Once I reached home, I hung my jacket and headed for the den. The job competition closed bright and early on Tuesday morning, and with tomorrow being a full day at work, this was my last chance to get the application completed.
After attaching my resume and cover letter and tapping Apply, I checked my email, snickering as I read the job postings that Dara had sent while I was out.
Well, why not? I set to work, methodically completing each one before opening my video chat and calling Dara.
“Do you really want me in Halifax that bad?” I asked the moment my friend appeared on screen.
“You got my emails.”
“Yeah, all five of them. Are you alone?”
“Dean’s in the garage, and I’m in our bedroom. Why?”
“I love him, but that man blabs. This is hush-hush. Got it? Jake can’t know.”
“Oooh, secrets. Just a second.” She disappeared and a door clicked, then she dropped onto her bed, cross-legged. “What are we not telling Jake?”
“Or Dean,” I said in my sternest voice, wagging a finger.
“Just tell me already.”
“I applied for the job at Dartmouth General, plus the other five.”
“Yessssss!” Dara bounced up from her seat, flitting in and out of the frame as she danced, pumping her arms and swinging her hips.
“Dara? Dar! Get back here.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She leaned close to the screen. “I’m just a little bit excited.”
“Me too. Hey, how’s baby?”
“Growing. Look.” She stood and adjusted the screen, angling herself to give me a profile view. “Strong heartbeat, and I feel amazing.”
The sight of her caressing her rounded belly brought on a flurry of emotions. I cupped my hand over my mouth, blinking hard. “You look beautiful,” I said. “My mission is to be there in May to greet your little darling and be the best auntie ever.”
“I’m holding you to that. I’ll send you a picture after our ultrasound on Tuesday.”
“I can’t wait.” I twirled a lock of hair around my finger. “Have you talked to Jake?”
“Ha. I can barely get rid of the man.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s adorable, really. He’s always checking in, asking how I’m feeling, bringing me treats from that bakery on Water. Yesterday, when I told him I was too tired to cook dinner, he brought pizza. Seriously, the guy’s more attentive than my own husband.”
“Dean’s going to wonder about you two.”
“Nah.” Dara waved a hand. “Jake’s madly in love with another woman, and Dean knows it. I suspect part of this attention is about wiggling details out of me about a certain somebody’s holiday plans. One word about inviting you, and boy, relentless.”
“Speaking of which—would you be upset if I didn’t stay with you?”
“You better not be talking about no hotel, sweetie.”
“That’s not what I had in mind.”
“My, my, full speed ahead.” My friend tilted her head. “I still expect you here on Christmas Day, early. Not that it should be an issue, since I’ve already invited Jake and Marisol.”
“Deal. But who knows, maybe I’ll be on your doorstep. Who says his offer is still open?”
“Guess there’s only one way to find out. Sounds like you have another call to make. Bye, sweetie, talk soon.”
“Bye, Dar.”
What would he say? Our last interaction left things in limbo, and I had much atonement ahead. My dear friend’s words gave me some comfort though. If Jake still loved me after everything, I was a lucky woman.
Ten days later, I lingered in my cozy den, the jacket of my sharpest power suit slung over the back of my chair. The second interview I’d just finished with the head pharmacist at Dartmouth General played in a loop, me revisiting and second guessing everything.
Had I seemed too cheerful? Too eager to abandon my seniority and high position and take a voluntary demotion to a mere worker bee in the hive?
I knew what both Beth and Dara would say. Quit overthinking this and embrace new opportunities. But I’d had no opportunity to tap the brakes, the days
