I hear you. I love you. I’ll be patient until you’ve sorted things out and you’re ready to talk.
I blinked hard. Who said I’d ever sort anything out, especially myself?
With a sigh, I rose and ran my hand over the bronze plaque, sending silent thanks to whomever had inspired the bench. Sometimes the sentiments lifted my mood, even for the briefest span of time. Sometimes they just created the space and inspiration to dig deep, be introspective, and reconsider everything one thought to be true.
I wandered along, stopping now and again to admire the herons, stare at the endless waves, and then to contemplate another inscription, moving further to the right at the sound of feet slapping against pavement.
“Amara.” The light touch and familiar voice made me look up. “Glad I caught up with you. I saw your car in the lot at Ambleside.”
I eyed the man as he matched my stride and plucked out his earbuds, tucking them in his pocket. Hmmmm, making yourself comfortable at my side, are you?
“You look amazing. Ready for the holidays?” he asked.
“Mmmm, fine. You?”
My ex-husband was flourishing from the looks of his broad smile and tanned face. Perhaps he’d visited some tropical paradise. With a new love, perhaps?
Kyle ran fingers through his artfully messy hair. “So-so. Took a quick trip to Belize, did some Scuba diving, gathered my thoughts.” His lips twitched, then settled into a flat, serious line. “Re-evaluated my life choices.”
Must be something in the water. Or maybe it was rote for the approaching end to another year, an event that always seemed to encourage people to revisit their expectations and dreams. “Hope you have it all straightened out.”
“Yes. But no. Soon, perhaps.” He peered at me. “Still doing the long-distance thing with that ex-boyfriend?”
I lifted one shoulder. Was I?
“Ah. Trouble in paradise?”
Was he … grinning? Jerkity, jerk, jerk, jerk. Some things never changed. I wished I had some witty retort at the ready, one that would wipe away his annoying smirk, but the man stared at me, showing no sign of buggering off into the gloomy winter afternoon. “What?”
“You have …” Kyle gripped my arm.
I hunched as he ran his strong fingers through my hair, moving so close that the puff of his warm minty breath touched my cheek.
“Relax.” He waved his hand into the breeze. “It’s just fluff.”
Weird. The man’s actions were decidedly un-Kyle-like, including the way he held my shoulders with firm tenderness, rubbing his palms over them. Caressing me. Leaning closer and closer.
“Maybe some of my decisions were too hasty.” His eyes widened a touch, his pupils dilating.
“You lost me.” Truly, what had this man been drinking? Appearances might be deceiving, but his cheerfulness screamed half cut! Hmmm, actually he might be on to something. That sweet bottle of Riesling sitting on my island beckoned me from afar, but Kyle rambled on.
“... the divorce.” He cleared his throat. “On that, we moved too fast. On the other thing … the family … we moved too slow.”
A numbness crept over me, starting in my cheeks, moving down my body, making me shiver. Starting a family? Now was his ideal moment? Worse, he dug it in, the gritty particles stinging my open wound, the wave of everything I longed for threatening to sweep me away. Take a beat. In … one … two … three … “Who is she?”
“Huh?” Kyle tilted his head. “Oh. No, no, no.” His grip tightened. “It’s not about another woman. It’s about you. What I gave up when you walked out that door. You’re amazing, even if you don’t realize it.”
My breath caught. Frozen, I could only stare into those wide unblinking eyes. Me. He’d been thinking about me? “Kyle—”
“Now I’m sidelined, watching the woman I love falling for some pretty boy ex who lives on the other side of the country. No surprise, really, that he reclaimed you. Losing you to a guy like me must have burned his ass. Some things never change, and here you are without him. Again.”
“Jake. His name is Jake.”
“Where is he? Not here. That’s obvious from the sad look on your face.”
“But—”
“Uh-uh.” He pressed a fingertip to my lips. “Just consider the possibility. Whatever you need, it’s yours. Just come home. Let’s try again.”
I swallowed hard, my throat dry and scratchy, my eyes burning.
“I’m certain you belong with us.” Jake’s words, repeated over and over in my ravaged brain, sinking in deep.
“Such a fool, I let you go. Screwed it all up because of fear.” He exhaled, long and slow. “There. I said it. The thought of forever, the wife, the family … it’s terrifying. Completely and utterly terrifying.”
“You were scared? You’re never scared of anything.”
“Yeah, well, it’s easier to pretend, you know?” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “But who isn’t frightened of something, sometime? It’s a huge responsibility taking on a wife, and then adding on a baby … well shit, the relationships around me at the office were cratering left, right, and centre after babies came into the picture. That’s terrifying. I didn’t want it to be us, but you left anyway.”
Terrifying. Yup. That made complete sense.
“Sorry. I’m messing this up but seeing him with you bothered me.” His tone softened, and he brushed my cheek with a tenderness he hadn’t shown in forever. “It’ll be different, I promise. No more long hours at the office. No more hiding. I’ll give you everything you ever dreamed. We can start that family. Counselling is our first stop, though.”
Everything? Counselling? Kyle’s lips were moving, the sound muffled, sending the earth spinning, the wind screaming, my head shaking, negating the words spilling from his lips.
“Stop! You can’t promise those things. We can’t go back.”
“Wrong. We can do anything we want. Have everything we want.” He shuffled closer, slipping an arm around me. “I still love you. I never stopped.”
I blinked hard, sure I was dreaming. I dug my nails into my palms and scrunched my eyes closed. Nope. Not working. He was still here. And
