When Rae’s close to me, it’s hard to ignore what my body wants. It burns for her. Yearns for her.
“How did Sawyer react when he met Roman?” I finally ask.
Rae smiles. “They loved each other. I think Sawyer might have usurped my position as Roman’s favorite family member.”
Her eyes shine as she takes a sip. She puts the beer down on the coffee table, then turns to look at me. Her throat bobs as she swallows, and her fingers play with the seam on the side of her jeans.
She takes a deep breath. “I wanted to say thank you for asking him to come back. You didn’t need to do that. I know how loyal you are to Sawyer, and it really means a lot to me.”
Is this the same woman who drove into the garage and proclaimed she owned it? Is this the same woman who jutted her chin out at me and squared off against my anger? Is this the same woman I thought stole the garage right out from under me, just as she’d stolen her brother’s future?
It’s not. It can’t be.
Or maybe, she’s showing me the real Rae. The vulnerable part of her. The one without walls and defenses. The one who doesn’t need a sleeked-back ponytail and razor-sharp eyeliner.
She bites her lip, staring at me.
When Rae takes a deep breath, my heart sinks. Her eyes lift to mine as regret flits across her face, and I know she’s not here to pick up where we left off.
“Benji…” Her voice is raspy, and I shake my head.
“I get it.”
“I really like you. I do.”
“Please,” I say. “You don’t need to let me down gently. I understand.” I clear my throat, taking a gulp of beer.
Rae plays with the hem of her shirt, chewing the inside of her cheek. Finally, she glances at me again.
“I need to think about my family right now. I haven’t seen Sawyer in three and a half years, and the last thing I want to do is give him a reason to hate me again.”
“You think he’d hate you for seeing me?” My voice is full of gravel. Lump stuck in my throat.
“No. I just…” She sucks in a breath, her eyebrows drawing together. Begging me to understand. “Everything I’ve done for the past three and a half years has been for Lucy, Roman, and Sawyer. I can’t fall at the last hurdle.”
“I’m a hurdle?”
“A big one.” Her lips twitch, and my heart softens.
How can I be mad at Rae? She’s doing exactly what she came here to do. She’s acting with integrity and denying herself something she wants in order to take care of her family.
And me?
I guess I’m just collateral damage.
“I’m sorry, Benji.” With her eyes full of sadness and her lips calling out to me, it’s hard to sit next to her without touching her. It’s hard to forget that just a couple of hours ago, my hand was down her pants and she was begging for more.
That’s over now.
I shake my head. “Don’t be sorry. You need to take care of your family.”
Rae lets out a deep breath and scoots closer to me. She wraps her arms around me, whispering a trembling thank you in my ear as she hugs me close.
My arms snake around her back and I hold her tight. She smells incredible. She’s soft and strong, and I wish she were mine. I wish I could hold her all night and do a thousand other things to her, too.
She’s choosing her family over me, and I get it. I do. But deep down, it feels like every other time I’ve been abandoned. She’s leaving. Choosing someone else. Turning away from me.
But Rae pulls away, sniffing and wiping her eye before she stands up.
“I should go.”
My throat is tight. I walk her to the front door, not knowing what to say.
I can’t be mad at her. She’s doing what she thinks is right. It’s what I would do, if the situation were reversed.
But selfishly, I want her for myself. I want her to toss aside her relationship with her brother and choose me instead. Choose my bed. Choose my company.
Rae gives me a smile, dipping her chin in a slight nod. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Of course,” I say, gravel rattling around in my vocal cords.
I watch Rae walk back to her car, then close the door and turn the lock.
A week and a half later, on Saturday, I head to Sarah’s house for our weekly dinner. Rae and I have managed to avoid each other at the office, and I think she’s been busy with Willow. Something about redoing the gardens at the Black Estate.
I’ve been busy myself, between the garage, the skydive piloting, and planning Sarah’s surprise bash. Still, every day, my eyes end up drifting to the office, wondering when I’ll see Rae next.
When I pull up outside Sarah’s house, my eyes move to the home next door. Sawyer’s car is in the driveway, and I wonder what’s going on inside those walls. When I exit my own car, my gaze shifts to my sister’s driveway, and my heart sinks.
My father’s here.
Anger flares, and I almost turn around and drive away. He shouldn’t be here. I told him to stay away. I told him to leave my sister and me alone.
But the front door opens, and my little niece Gabby comes running out.
“Uncle Benji!” she yells, tearing down the lawn toward me. She crashes into my legs and wraps her arms around them, grinning up at me. “I made you cookies. Chocolate chip.”
My heart squeezes. I slip my hand into Gabby’s and let her lead me inside, steeling myself for another confrontation. My heart hammers in my ribcage, and I try to keep my face steady. As we walk toward the house, I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do.
Kick him out, maybe. Tell that sorry excuse for a father to leave this house and never
