He never needed my money, but I think he enjoys having Lucy and me around. He’s been to the house almost every day for dinner, and I’m pretty sure Roman is completely infatuated with his uncle.
In short, it’s more than I could have hoped for. Sawyer’s here, he forgave me, and we’re a family again.
Just like that.
But as I head for the last box out of the back of his car, my eye is drawn to Sarah’s house. I recognize Benji’s truck parked on the street, and my heart tugs.
I like him more than I want to admit. Even the thought of him makes my blood burn, and with Sawyer talking to me again, it’s hard to ignore the effect Benji has on me.
I’ve been avoiding the garage for days, choosing instead to spend my time with Willow and Nadia. It’s been nice to work on the Black Estate gardens, and Nadia has a thousand and one ideas about the types of plants we should use.
On paper, my life is good—but there’s a void.
A big, burly, Benji-shaped void.
Sawyer sees me looking at his truck and arches an eyebrow. “You like him.”
“What?” I blush. “Who?”
“Benji. What were you two doing in your car last week anyway?”
My blush deepens. I shake my head. “Nothing. He wanted to take it for a test drive before I sold it.”
“Huh.”
“What does huh mean?” I snap.
Sawyer grins. “Benji’s been moping around all week. If you like him, just tell me. You don’t have to stay away from him just for my sake.”
“I don’t—” I stop myself, staring at my brother. A blush rises up my neck.
He laughs, that big, wide-open mouthed laugh I’ve always loved. “You do like him!” he exclaims, triumphant. “You’re totally into Benji.” His face changes as he grimaces. “Gross.” Then, his features soften. “But I mean, fine. We’re all adults.”
I watch a thousand emotions and thoughts rush over Sawyer’s face until he settles on a soft smile, staring at me expectantly.
I bite my lip. shrugging. “Maybe I have a bit of a crush.”
Sawyer lets out a sigh, his eyes drilling into mine. His eyebrow arches. “Rae.”
“What?”
A soft breeze flutters around us, carrying the scent of the trees and a faint hint of the ocean. A bird calls out in a tree above as the evening light bathes us in the last of the day’s warmth.
My brother stares at me, and I know he sees me. Really sees me.
He lets out a sigh. “I spent over three years wondering what the hell happened between us. I thought you’d changed, or maybe you’d fooled me into thinking you were someone you weren’t. I just couldn’t believe you would betray me like that, when you were the one who had always tried to keep the family together. It didn’t make any sense.”
I wipe a bead of sweat off my brow. Sawyer stares at me, smiling.
“You hadn’t changed, Rae. You’re still the same as you were when we were kids. Remember when you were ten, and you gave up your birthday party because I got grounded? That’s who you are, Rae. You always choose me and Lucy. You always put everyone else first, no matter the cost.”
“It’s worth it, Sawyer,” I say, but my voice is small. My heart tugs, pulling me in the direction of Sarah’s house. Of Benji.
“Not always,” he says, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Once in a while, you need to think of yourself, too.”
Sawyer’s words play on my mind all evening and all night. I barely sleep. I’ve been in Woodvale a month, but it’s gone by in an instant—and I know the reason time has galloped so fast.
I stare at the ceiling, feeling the whisper of Benji’s touch on my skin. Tasting the memory of his kiss. Wondering if I made a mistake by telling him I couldn’t see him.
If Sawyer is okay with us seeing each other, what’s the harm?
I sleep an hour or two and get up at dawn. Not wanting to wake Roman or Lucy, I leave a note on the counter and walk outside.
My mind is a mess. My body is in turmoil.
I’ve spent years working toward this point. Everything I’ve done has been for Sawyer to start talking to me again, to make sure Lucy has a support system, and that Roman is safe and happy. Everything I’ve done has been for this.
But now that I’m here, it doesn’t quite feel like enough.
My plan was to reconnect with Sawyer, then talk to my parents, quit the business, and ask them to come meet Sawyer and Lucy here. Bring the whole family together.
Now, though? The last thing I want to do is leap over that particular hurdle. What I really want, in my heart of hearts, is Benji. His calm. His strength. His arms wrapped around me and his lips claiming mine. I want someone to take care of me, and not the other way around.
I walk through the quiet streets, trying to clear my head. I know Sawyer’s given me his blessing, and I know he means it, too. He’s quick to anger but even quicker to forgive. I see the way he plays with Roman, and how happy he is we’re all here.
He wants what I want—all of us to have a life together. It’s what we always wanted.
I keep thinking about Benji. Wondering if I made a mistake by pushing him away. Will he even want to talk to me? Will he want to be with me? Was I just an infatuation, a little forbidden secret while Sawyer was away?
I saw the disappointment in his face when I told him I didn’t want to take it any further—but was that just lust, or is there something deeper?
By the time the sun is fully up, I’m sweaty, sore, wired, and tired. I make my way back home, hearing Lucy and Roman in the kitchen as soon as I open the door.
