I wasn’t blind to the fact that there was this undercurrent between us. Not regret, exactly, but it was strained. It wasn’t hopeful because neither of us knew how to hope. I didn’t know what to do with my attraction, with my feelings. I was stuck between feeling them and admitting it. Not just because I was afraid of rejection, which I was, but also because we work together, and I’m supposed to be setting an example. I feel like I’m under a microscope here, and banging my secretary isn’t something I’m proud of.
I wouldn’t exactly call what I feel pride. It’s more like I enjoyed myself. I felt connected. I felt something real.
On Monday morning, I roll into my office early since I want to look over the reports—I had Sutton working on them late Friday afternoon—just to make sure there aren’t any errors that can be pointed out to me in the middle of a meeting again. I know I overreacted about it the last time, and I know it’s my job to make sure these reports get put out correctly, so I’m going to do it.
I find Sutton’s email sitting in my inbox. She sent it late Friday night. I feel a twinge of guilt when I realize it came in at just after eight. She was in the office at eight at night. Still. While I wasn’t doing my reports. I know I need to delegate and all that, and this is part of that, but I still feel bad about it. She doesn’t get paid for those extra hours. She never has. She puts them in because she cares.
I click on the email and start reading.
To say it’s not what I expected is a massive understatement.
Philippe,
First of all, I know you’re probably going to be pissed about this, so before you even go and get mad, please consider that I had to do this. For me. Because it was the right thing to do. Because I needed to do it. I used to think you were a selfish asshole, but now I know that’s not true. I actually think you could be a pretty nice guy if you tried.
I worked late on Friday to finish these reports for you, but I also packed up my office. I know if I talked to you about it before I did it, you would think of a million reasons why I shouldn’t quit, and you’d eventually convince me to stay. I couldn’t. I think you know why I couldn’t. Please believe this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. You didn’t make me feel like I had to leave or quit or anything. You were always professional. You acted like a grown-up, and I really do thank you for that.
Please don’t come to my house. Please don’t come to try and convince me to come back. I know it’s not that hard to find an admin assistant. I actually think Cherry at reception would do a great job. Or hire someone with more experience. Either way, it won’t be hard to grasp the workload. I actually made an instruction manual with many of the processes and procedures. I’ve been working on it since I started, so it’s pretty comprehensive. Mostly, I did it for myself, so I wouldn’t forget something and look like a moron when it counted, but it should actually help whoever takes my position next.
Please don’t call me. I actually have a new number now, and I won’t be checking my work email since it’s no longer my property. My office is completely clean too. Thank you for everything. This really was my decision and something I needed to do in order to move on and make myself happy. I have nothing but respect for you, and I promise I won’t write any more horrible things about you in any kind of journal anywhere.
Thank you for respecting my wishes and my privacy in this. And in all the other stuff too.
Oh, and if you keep working at it while being a little less grumpy, you could actually be a great boss. For everyone. You already kind of are, minus the bad attitude you have at times. Stop trying to be your dad. Your dad created and grew the company. And you’re his son. You’re Philippe, and no matter what, I’m sure he’d be proud of you.
Your friend,
Sutton Sethford
Your friend! Your friend! What kind of way is that to sign off an email?! We’re not friends. We’re not…well, we’re not enemies. But we’re not what I want to be either.
Did Sutton leave because she felt the same, and she was sure I didn’t because I was too stupid and scared to tell her what that night meant to me? Did Sutton pack up and leave because she thought she’d never mean anything, and it was impossible to work with me and pretend like it never happened? Did she have feelings for me? Or did she just get a better offer somewhere else, and this was her way of trying to let me down gently? Did she move on because she was sick and tired of dealing with me? It’s just so weird that she would suddenly clean out her office and disappear. She’d obviously been thinking about this for a while.
I shut my laptop and lean back in my chair. She told me not to come to her house, not to look for her.
