But he still took the opportunity to pull Julie into his arms and dance to the music that was playing in the distance. She giggled as he twirled her around. The sound of her laughter, not the motion, made his head spin.
She was so beautiful. He couldn’t understand why she’d had so much doubt in her life and why she’d punished herself so much that she’d felt she couldn’t come home. She’d opened up to him about her therapy, but not about what had caused her to go. He needed to know.
“Why did you leave me, Julie? Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?” Hunter asked, feeling an ache in his chest that always appeared when he thought about the two of them.
Their day had been wonderful. He hadn’t pushed anything because he didn’t want to ruin what was new and good with them, even if it was only ever going to be friendship from this point on. But he didn’t believe that was the case. He could see it in her eyes. She still loved him.
“I had to go,” Julie said. “You know that. You know how bad things were.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I know I did.”
“Yes, you did. And when I found out I was pregnant…” She stopped dancing and placed her hands over her cheeks. “I was freaked out. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go to my parents. Caleb was gone in the military. And then I saw what you did and realized my fears were correct. I felt so alone.”
“You told Katie.”
She shook her head. “No. No one.”
“But Caleb…”
“Caleb found out by accident. I’m not really sure how he found out. But Katie didn’t tell him. He told me she was just as surprised as he was. I never had a chance to tell Katie what was going on. I guess I felt…”
“Ashamed?”
She nodded.
“Of me?”
“Of being wrong. Of being stupid and thinking…”
“What? Tell me.”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It does matter, Julie. I loved you. Yes, I was a mess. But we could have had a life together. I would have changed.”
“How could I know that?” she asked, turning away from him. “I was a scared eighteen-year-old girl with a boyfriend who was a drug addict. I know that hurts you when I say it.”
“It’s true.”
“I thought I was making the right decision.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to be there,” Hunter said. “You could have told me you were pregnant. You didn’t. You just left.”
“I thought I was doing it because I had to. I thought I had no choice.”
“So you went off and had an abortion on your own?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Is that what you think I did? You think I didn’t want our baby?”
Julie spun around and started stalking away. Then she stopped and turned back. Behind the tears of pain was anger.
“How dare you. You have no idea what I went through.”
“You’re right. You didn’t give me a chance to know anything.”
“You were a mess back then, Hunter. You didn’t see yourself slowly coming apart at the seams. Trip did. He told me last week that he knew he was either going to have to bury you or throw you out. And he didn’t want to do either.”
Shock ripped through him. “Trip said that?”
She nodded. “He cares a lot about you, Hunter. He told me because he wanted me to know how much you’ve changed. He didn’t have to tell me that. I see it. But that’s not what I was facing then. I had to come to terms with the fact that my baby’s father was a drug addict. I loved a man who was a total mess.”
The words stung as much as if she’d slapped him. They were true, and he knew it. He deserved it. But it hurt all the same.
“I’ve changed, Julie. I stood at the bridge that all drug addicts stand in front of and I made the choice to cross it to the other side instead of jumping in the river of death.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She shook her head as her anger evaporated. “It does,” she said quietly. “Really it does. I’m glad you got clean.”
“Me, too. I’m just sorry you weren’t here to see it sooner. Or even let me know that you were carrying my child.”
“How would that have changed anything? You said yourself it took you a year to get clean.”
He paced and measured his words as pain built up inside his gut. “You said you didn’t have an abortion. Did you have the baby?”
“Yes.”
“So you put our child up for adoption. I’ll never get a chance to see him. Her. What was it? Did I have a son or daughter?”
She gave him a confused look. “It doesn’t matter. If I’d stayed here it wouldn’t have made a difference, Hunter.”
“Of course it would have. I loved you. I got clean for you. I looked for you.”
“You…you did?”
“Yes. I couldn’t find you. No one could. Ask your brother. Caleb tried.”
She sighed. “It wouldn’t have changed anything if you’d found me. We still wouldn’t have had our child. It was too late. I wanted our child. I…wanted to raise him. I was barely eighteen years old.”
“Him? It was a boy?”
She nodded as tears filled her eyes.
“He was born?”
She closed her eyes. “Yes.”
“And you gave him away?”
The words tasted bitter in his mouth. He didn’t want to be angry with her about it, but he was.
She gulped back a sob. “I found an adopted family for him. But it didn’t work out.”
“Why? They didn’t want him?”
“Of course, they wanted him! Why wouldn’t they want him? He was perfect.”
Tears rolled down Julie’s cheeks as she stood ten feet away from him. He
